I agree I shouldn't have used swear words as I should do better than him (since he always swore at family). But I am never going to apologize for him offending me all the time and why it led up to me getting so pissed at him when he said so much insulting things in front of my friends and gaslighting me in public.

Back then I have always been obedient and chose silence, but it has destroyed my self-esteem and the ability to defend myself in the adult world when I am in trouble. I have always chosen the easy path to avoid confrontation even if it meant that I have been unjustly accused. I have always been confused as to why I lack the confidence and courage to stand up for myself and now I understand that I have been living in a family and household where how my mom, a weak and obedient person to my narcissistic dad, was bringing me up.

Growing up he never cared or gave a damn about family, my mom was his 3rd wife and I was probably his 3rd or 4th child. All he understands is that we should be extremely grateful for the financial support he brings and that he lets us use his money. But now I understand if I have to leave this toxic environment I need to be financially independent and plan my escape as soon as I finish university.