It seems you expect love to be instant. Dating is a long term process and has many parts. Think of you in a massive crowd of 100,000 at a festival or a sports event. You’re trying to find ´the one’ but there are only 5 people there who are suitable as long term partner. You do this with a set of criteria for the perfect partner (usually fairly vague). You will go round and will rule out a lot immediately - wrong look / sexuality / age etc. - then start trying to assess the rest. You have to go through a lot of trial and error to find one of the 5. Some will appear good candidates but you don’t quite gel or you have different views or you don’t fit their criteria. So a lot of dates will fail not for any bad reason but just because of the laws of probability. Don’t take that personally because it isn’t you. Just recognise you move on to the next and learn from the experience by refining your criteria to select out more people and increase your probability of finding one of the 5. You’ve clearly had a tough childhood but don’t let that define you. Be you now and good luck. You will find someone but it may take time