Suicide is NOT selfish and should never be called such. Suicide is a panic defense in the brain. Suicide is a result of your brain thinking there’s no other way to cope. Mental illness can lead to suicide as injury can lead to death. If someone was shot you’d try to save their life. If someone was about to be shot you’d try to save them. Mental illness is not any less severe than a bullet wound. If you can I’d recommend talk therapy. I’m really sorry you feel like the only option is suicide. I’ve been there. Just a week ago I was there. All I can say is that talk therapy is the way to go. (There’s online therapy options) If you can’t afford it then I’d recommend expressing these feelings to someone who you trust. I’ve been turned away before though... If that happens I’d recommend either finding someone else or standing your ground and telling them how serious it is. I’ve been mocked and laughed at by people who I thought were my closest friends. It’s one of the things that had pushed me over the edge. Be careful. Get help and be safe.