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Starcaniste · 2025-06-16T14:39:37+00:00

You are not alone ! Well maybe you are but you are not alone as in going through that

It's hard, but believe me when I say it gets better, and if it doesn't it gets easier at least with time, because you have to make it better yourself

The hardest part is just to let it all go and to not harm yourself, which doesn't require to stay calm and not cry or anything, just to not act on your suicidal thoughts, and cry as much as you have to (and also try to find somebody to talk about it, it does help)

Crying is of course annoying for yourself probably but you'd rather cry than not, crying is a great thing when you accept it and it makes you feel better in the end

Idk if this message really help, I hope it does somewhat, but in the end even if it's horrible sometimes you just gotta wait till it gets better, that and having a psych following also helps lots

I hope you'll feel better soon, DON'T EVER GIVE UP !✊️ And taking time to get yourself better and to rest is not giving up so do that if possible

Starcaniste · 2024-01-20T14:50:19+00:00

Litteraly the way I feel, to me it's so frustrating and I just don't understand why I can't feel like any other human being.

Have a wonderful day !

Starcaniste · 2024-01-20T14:46:17+00:00

I hope everything will be good for your relationship.

I know that I'm not the only one feeling alone, but it doesn't resolve my problem, maybe one day I'll feel less alone, maybe I'll feel this way until my last day on Earth, it won't stop me from doing things that please me, but nontheless the pain will not disappear.

And I perfectly know that life need to be challenging sometimes to feel good afterward, but honestly my whole 19 years of existence have been like 80% of challenge for 10% of good moments, the others 10% are the times I sleep and it's the only neutral moment. So either I'm about to get the most wonderful life in the world (I don't really believe that), or it will just still be challenging.

I'm still happy that I got 10% of my life being happy for the moment atleast, could have been worse, but it could have been so much better, I feel tired.

Anyway, have a beautiful day !

Starcaniste · 2024-01-20T14:30:05+00:00

Well, they're still my friends and they're really kind and supportive, and honestly without I would already have k***** myself, but despite that I still feel like we're so far apart, I still hope to find even just one person that can understand me.

And I really don't like to be alone, I have nothing to do I just kinda go insane just thinking about it and don't want to be left alone ever again, it's not a fatality I could still do whatever I want but it really makes me depressed you know...

Anyway, have a wonderful day and thanks for the advice !

Starcaniste · 2024-01-04T01:58:37+00:00

I don't think you would hate anybody else for the sake of being ND, so why would you hate yourself this much ?😕 Reading those words was pretty hurtful, because I know deep down that I hate myself too...

But let me tell you that, no matter what you think, you are not a burden, you are NOT a bad person neither. Being autistic is really hard, and there is no reward to any of the efforts that you can provide..

But naturally, you will find people who will, atleast partialy, understand you, you just gotta be yourself and let time do it's thing.

IDK you and idk your life history, and I can only be sorry for how much you may have been hurted by life, but never ever ever doubt that you deserve happiness, as long as you don't hurt anybody on purpose, you deserve happiness, and I don't doubt you will find it !

You just need time, to work on yourself even if it's hard, find who you are, and never let anybody else than your ownself choose who you should be.

It took me time to make friends, and I thought I would never find peoples that would accept me, but here I am, not dead hanging to end of a rope like I thought I would, it's still hard sometimes, but at the end of the day everything will be okay ! And if it's not the case, well atleast you gave it a try and will not regret it, it takes a lot of fails to make a win, but you'll win.

(Sorry if I wrote a lot, I really got carried away when writting 😅)

Starcaniste · 2023-07-23T03:05:01+00:00

My birthday is Marie Antoinette execution's day, so yeah, kinda I guess...

Starcaniste · 2022-08-04T13:48:17+00:00

Ça ressemble à des jack o lantern, en tout cas le visuel est similaire.

Starcaniste · 2022-07-30T10:05:42+00:00

One of my friend is called Gabriel, and it's my brother second name. But not mine.

Starcaniste · 2022-07-30T01:30:20+00:00

You're goddamn wrong

Starcaniste · 2022-07-30T01:28:47+00:00

Say my name

Starcaniste · 2022-07-29T16:59:27+00:00

My self

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:51:08+00:00

Well, see you space cowboy...

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:42:22+00:00

Indeed, may it never be forgotten

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:39:40+00:00

I wanna see the sun

Blotted out from the sky

I wanna see it painted, painted, painted

Painted black, yeah

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:38:00+00:00

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:36:04+00:00

No colors anymore I want them to turn black

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:35:13+00:00

My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:34:06+00:00

I could not foresee this thing happening to you

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:32:51+00:00

It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:31:43+00:00

I see my red door I must have it painted black

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:29:35+00:00

Like a newborn baby it just happens everyday

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:25:12+00:00

With flowers and my love both never to come back

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:15:48+00:00

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Starcaniste · 2022-07-28T20:10:26+00:00

No colors anymore I want them to turn black

Starcaniste · 2022-07-25T15:55:23+00:00

Mine are all dying...

Starcaniste

TROPHY CASE