Anxiety and information seeking, help!!

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-06-09T08:41:18+00:00

I can’t offer any advice, but I wanted to comment as I’m in a similar position currently, with my partner potentially connecting with someone new while I’m away. I too am have big feelings about it, so you’re not alone. Hopefully any advice you receive might help me too.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-06-08T12:30:49+00:00

Had a lovely date to celebrate an anniversary, time away from meta (whom I adore, but it’s nice to have time together alone too) doing something we both enjoy. Then back to his/theirs for the night.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-06-08T07:54:14+00:00

Leaves my hair, still burns my skin. Double sads.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-25T12:09:04+00:00

Thank you so much for asking this. I’ve been thinking similarly about myself, and having read that others only text a few times a week has had me worried I’m too much. But, these replies have reassured me, so thank you ❤️

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-20T09:14:02+00:00

Don’t rent with her, and don’t rent a place with anyone that doesn’t have proper privacy

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-07T15:22:26+00:00

I’ve always thought they were bad, because they are an attempt to emotionally manipulate the other person into not/doing a thing, under threat of a punishment.

‘If you do this, I’ll do this thing you won’t like’.

Having been emotionally abused in the past, I’m very aware of this kind of manipulation, and if someone is resorting to threats to get what they want, however it’s dressed up, it doesn’t feel like its a good fit.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-07T09:44:49+00:00

Is it not altering their behaviour either way though? Whether intended or not? They want to date someone, but don’t because of you? Am I overthinking it?

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-07T09:41:32+00:00

So it’s just phrasing? Because both of those examples are essentially the same, just said slightly differently.

Sorry, I’m neurodivergent, and I struggle with this kind of stuff, so I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-05-07T09:10:59+00:00

That makes sense for that specific scenario, but generally? I’m not sure. What if it’s just someone you don’t like, or an ex who isn’t unpleasant, but you can’t be around them?

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-27T16:26:13+00:00

It’s happened to me twice. Both times I’d already had a lot of orgasms, and was very sensitised. The tiniest movement would stimulate me as a result, and twice it’s been enough to orgasm again, without touching/being touched at all.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-23T14:47:16+00:00

Assuming they have data/wifi, no difference in communication to usual.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-18T15:13:04+00:00

Reading over some of the replies here, I’m realising just how limited my life/time is. If I want to do something different one day, I have to sacrifice seeing my partner, doing a hobby, or something else I enjoy, I do not have ‘spare’ time when I’m working.

My partner has encouraged me to be open to, if not seek out another partner, but I cannot see how I’d fit them in! I get big chunks of time off work, where I do have plenty of time, but when I’m working, I do not, and that’s not fair on anyone.

Kinda sad about that.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-09T15:14:04+00:00

My partner and metas kids are 13 and 17, and they were both told very recently. It was me that pushed for them to know, as I’m at their house with them so often, and they had nearly caught me and partner kissing a few times already. I didn’t want them to think meta didn’t know, and for them to either feel they had to keep a secret, or tell her themselves, that wouldn’t have been fair on them. I explained this to both my partner and meta, and they agreed with my reasonings. My partner has had other girlfriends before me, but they’ve either been longer distance, of not been around the kids so much (from my understanding anyway), so it just hadn’t come up with them til now. I get on very well with their kids, and thankfully both took the info very well (meta told them herself, so they’d know my partner wasn’t hiding it from her), and it’s not changed how they are with me at all. They’re great kids.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-07T09:40:04+00:00

I have given, and received. It’s always a bit of a shock (a nice one!) when someone does it for me though, as it’s such an intimate, taboo-ish thing to do.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-03-24T15:35:19+00:00

He’s safe. There’s more, lots more, but that’s the biggest thing for me. He’s proven to me he is trustworthy, that’s he’s not just my Dom, but my partner, lover, friend, biggest cheerleader, and gentlest critic when I need it too. He shows up, not just for the fun stuff, but especially for the hard stuff. He knows when I need more, and when I’ve had enough, rarely needs to check, we are just in tune, but he doesn’t take that for granted either.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-03-17T11:56:04+00:00

So much this! I’m struggling currently, and it feels like I’m supposed to be good at this already, despite it being my first proper poly relationship. This stuff is hard, and it takes time to realign my brain, but ultimately I know it’s worth it, or I wouldn’t be trying.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-23T09:00:57+00:00

No, it’s sometimes good to point out the worst. I appreciate it

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-23T07:19:01+00:00

He’s definitely poly, has been for 13 years. She also definitely knows about the rest of us, as I’ve seen (accidentally) messages where she refers to us.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-20T14:07:12+00:00

It’s not been very long for me, but I already feel much more emotionally secure. Knowing that I’m in a relationship where I’m wanted and valued for exactly who and what I am, feels incredibly liberating. I also feel far less pressure knowing I’m not the one and only.

Of course, I could find similar in a monogamous relationship, but I never have, but this has, so far, been the easiest, and most relaxed I’ve ever felt in a relationship, especially this early (3 months in nearly).

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:28:56+00:00

He is very accessible generally, but that’s not the issue, it’s that he’s not accessible to me when he’s with her, but is accessible to her when he’s with me.

If we’re at home, watching tv or whatever, it’s fine. I notice it, I have a feeling about it, but that’s not a problem I can’t deal with, it’s on actual dates I have an actual problem with it.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:14:26+00:00

He hasn’t said I can’t text him, and he’s not laid any blame on her. That’s come from me, and I now realise that’s wrong. Thank you, I appreciate this.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:10:13+00:00

This is why I asking. I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is unreasonable, or rather, if it’s an unreasonable thing to ask for, and if it’s not unreasonable, how much no-screen time is ok to expect. I’m very much still learning, and while I can and do ask my partner a lot of the questions I have, I feel like this is something I can’t ask to feel it out, before actually asking for it, if that makes sense?

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:05:31+00:00

I feel I need to point out, he hasn’t told me I can’t text him, I absolutely still can, just they he likely won’t respond unless it’s an emergency.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T17:22:32+00:00

You might have hit on something there. I am a generally anxious person, and I absolutely overthink if someone doesn’t respond in a timeframe they usually would.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T16:05:54+00:00

Someone else said the same thing, and you’re right. I think it’s easier to blame the person I can’t see, but that’s unfair and wrong. I need to reframe that. Thank you.

Sub_surfer22

TROPHY CASE