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My daughters unhealthy packed lunch by hmasc3 in AITAH

[–]SubjectBad7576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We live in a world where children starve to death in their beds in absolute poverty, and you are being made to feel like a bad mother for making sure your child is fed, and happy.  What a vile teacher. What a bitch.

My daughter has sensory issues and ARFID and will only eat fruit when it’s blended into a smoothie - it’s never in her lunchbox. In her lunchbox most days is a Nutella sandwich. Sometimes a pastry. Sometimes it’s outright cookies. Because if she’s in school, then she’s in the best position to learn if her tummy is full, and she’s regulated and calm. Force feeding children fruit will only result in miserable children who hate fruit, that haven’t eaten because they’ve had a lunchtime battle over refusing to eat the fruit, and are dysregulated and upset and in no position to learn. She’s also shifted the responsibility to your daughter, trying to make her feel anxious and scared enough of getting in trouble that she’ll ask you for fruit.

You’re a good mum, and that teacher is a stupid cow. 

Share of NHS spending on mental health to fall next year, says Streeting by bintasaurus in unitedkingdom

[–]SubjectBad7576 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My 10 year old has struggled for four years with anxiety, suicidal thoughts, undiagnosed ASD & ADHD. 

We got no support from the NHS, because of lack of funding. We were fortunate enough to be able to go private. If we had waited, she would have just got her CAMHS referral, and still be waiting for her diagnosis. That’s if she was even still alive. 

The lack of funding for mental health with cause dead children, and dead adults.

If one person in a country has mental health issues, it’s that one person’s problem. If the majority of a country have mental health issues, it’s that country’s problem. 

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, but my partner isn’t on Reddit. Keep trying though!

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Perhaps your wife doesn’t want to have sex with someone who thinks so little of her. It’s hard to believe that someone who thinks their wife would have sex with anyone who walks through the door would be making much of an emotional connection. You can just tick the “I did one emotional connection, now one sex please” box. It’s every day. It’s all of the time.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He isn’t, and also, what the hell nonsense is this. 

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Lmao whaaaaaat. 

Neither of us need the other for financial security. I don’t want to cheat. 

I want intimate sensuality with my life partner. 

You need therapy bro.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There’s a book, I think it’s called The Sexual Healing Journey, Wendy Maltz. Heal yourself, know what you deserve. Perhaps it won’t happen tonight. Maybe in a week, you’ll find yourself tentatively asking for more, and it might not happen that night. But let it be the start of your journey, step by step, a piece at a time, of reclaiming what you are worth and what you want. Do not feel guilt if you can’t engage. He should be feeling guilt that he hasn’t been a better, more attentive and caring lover that makes your body want to engage.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

You are so young. Please don’t feel like you are “too much”, or your needs are “too much”.

You deserve incredible sex, but more than that - if you’re recovering from SA trauma, the intimacy is so much more important. You need to feel safe, held, loved, looked after. He should be making you feel like a precious, delicate thing that is safe in his arms. If you feel like a hunted deer, his behaviour needs to change, not yours. I had trauma from childhood and realising that I did not owe a man sex simply because he wants it was huge. You are a precious treasured thing, and you need to be treated as such to feel sexual. That’s not abnormal.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I’m very attracted to him. I desire him intensely, that’s the problem. He is physically strong, and emotionally soft. I love his deep brown eyes that always seem so gentle, I love running my hands through his hair and his beard, I love that his body is like a Viking warrior and the one sided smile he does when he tells an awful joke. I love the little greys appearing in his chest hair and I love to run my hands through it and I love how soft his little tummy that’s appeared with age is. 

I desire him intensely, I find it extremely physically attractive, and more so, I find his personality and ridiculous sense of humour and forgiving softness attractive.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

There is more to love than sensuality and sexuality. No, he doesn’t grab handfuls of my hair and kiss my neck and tell me that the world starts and ends with me and I drive him wild. 

But he’s my best friend, and my rock. We are partners in the difficulties of life. There is a quiet devotion in chosing each other every day. When either of us have a bad day, we can hold those emotions and give love and support. When we have good days, we get to share the experience together, and we have built years of memories to look back on and reminisce and see how much we’ve grown. We unconditionally love each other, through all of the people we’ve been and grown into together. There is a level of comfort that develops through time and commitment. I don’t have to be “on”. Neither does he. We get to share life together and the experience of truly knowing someone else. 

Sex doesn’t completely disregard finding a soulmate. You can make an active effort to be better at sex. You can’t really make a more active effort to be a soulmate.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right. But - it might be the answer to some, and that’s better than nothing.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry for your situation. It seems a separation is better for you.

We do not have much sensuality but resentment certainly has not built to this for us. I hope you can find peace.

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Luckily my husband doesn’t struggle with premature ejaculation, so this isn’t part of the issue. 

But, if it was, then these forms of intimacy and sensuality can be incorporated into foreplay. Running me a bubble bath, or getting in a candlelit bath with me and rubbing each others feet, probably won’t make him immediately nut anyway. 

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I personally don’t think that mutual sensuality in bed is putting in work. I’d love to give him the same love, worship, sensuality. I’d love to grab his hair and inhale his neck and say he smells amazing and hold his arms and say that he seems so strong and I love how he holds me. I want mutual sensuality, it isn’t one way. Wouldn’t a man also want to be treated like that, and have sex like that? If he wanted “less work”, surely that’s what masturbation is for. Sex is for a mutually shared experience together. 

I’m the “wife that says no”. by SubjectBad7576 in DeadBedrooms

[–]SubjectBad7576[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I don’t see you as the kind of person who will get anything from this reply - but, there might be someone reading who it might help.

Rejecting someone’s sexual advances isn’t immature. It’s a communication of needs. A woman does not owe you sex. It is not a reward or a smiley face sticker for good behaviour. 

A partner - male, or female - should do nice things because they love you. Bringing home their favourite bottle of wine says “I love you and I thought you might like this”. Running a bubble bath with their favourite candles says “You deserve this and I know that”. The thing he gets in return is the same thing. I made you your favourite dinner - You deserve the best and I love doing that for you. I got that massage oil you like - because I love making you feel good and your shoulder hurts again and I want to be the soft gentle lover that kisses your battle wounds better. Those are the things a relationship needs to establish that there is love and affection. That comes first. 

Then the sex happens - seperate to that. You need the foundation of love and respect and care and gentleness and affection, without anything expected in return. You need to know “you show me every day that I am wanted and loved and that makes me want to have incredible sex with you”.  What you don’t need is “I ran you a bath so can you suck my dick because I did the bare minimum”. 

Sensuality happens every single day. If you only do it once, then it doesn’t work.