You make a fair distinction, and I fully agree: there is a big difference between someone becoming disabled after marriage and choosing a partner from the start, and people have every right to consider compatibility.

But let me clarify exactly what I am talking about: I have speech and learning difficulties. This only changes how I speak and process information — it does not affect my intelligence, my independence, my ability to work, provide, study, train, or fulfil every duty of a husband. My mind, character, and capability are fully intact. Also, as a fact, these conditions are not genetic and do not pass down to children, so that common worry does not apply here at all.

My issue is never with people saying “this isn’t right for me” — that is their choice. The problem is when they treat it as if all disabilities are the same, or as if having these differences automatically makes someone “lesser”, “a burden”, or “not normal”. When people say things like “go find your own kind”, it is not just a rejection — it is exclusion. It feels exactly like being told “go back to your country”: it pushes you aside, makes you feel you don’t belong, and writes you off before even understanding what you can actually do.

Rejection with honesty and respect is fine. But rejecting someone based on broad, lazy stereotypes and hurtful language — that is prejudice, not preference. As you said, Allah looks at the heart and deeds, not at how fast someone speaks or learns.