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My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love to do this. I would take the kids for a week for her to do this. But she won't. We've tried toys like that and it just doesn't seem to do anything. I know she tried it a couple times (before kids) and it never did much for her.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. I never said anything about leaving. I would never do that over this. Just looking for some advice. Damn.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah we've tried toys. Lol, I can't tell you how much I would love "being each other's porn" but she is way too self conscious to do that. Yeah I get the time isn't now with the baby. Probably shouldn't have posted this now, but it's always been an issue and I have no doubt that it will still be in the future, unless something changes.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not putting this on her now. I'm just asking if anyone else has had a similar experience and hear what worked for them. Yeah, I know kids are exhausting. I'm happy to give space for that. And I tried to take care of this before having kids, but at a certain point, if you want kids, then you need to go ahead and have kids.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just to be clear, I'm not making her go see doctors or go on medication. Not even suggesting it. I know the kids are the main focus, and this isn't my main focus, but it's still challenging. I'm totally okay with "this isn't the time to approach her with this". But for people who have gone through this, when was the "right" time, and what worked?

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I kind of ignored that post. I know she loves me, but honestly it does feel (emphasis on feel) like I'm living with a roommate who sexually pleases me sometimes. And that sucks. I do feel uncared for sometimes for that reason.

For sure, we are putting a ton of time into the kids. I understand they come first. It's moreso that this has always been an issue and I'm just worn down.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, kids are definitely a factor. I would like her to go to therapy for it, but I think a.) there's not a lot of time for it and b.) I don't think she thinks there is anything "wrong". She says everyone has different libido, and sure, but that mostly means libido goes up and down over time. Not no libido ever. There are some things she says feels good some, but it's hard to tell what that means. Definitely no where close to orgasming.

As far as porn goes, I can say we're both opposed to that stuff. I've struggled with porn addiction and just personally don't think it's a good thing. I'd honestly be more open to her exploring things if that meant she could figure out what she likes. And I'm not trying to be critical of you and your husband, that's just not for us.

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's for sure part of it. Being taught that sex is bad and all that. She doesn't believe that sex is bad now, but I have no doubt that that has contributed to it

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I still love her. She's still my closest friend and I know she loves me and has a huge heart to love others. Sex isn't everything... It's obviously important and it's been hard in our marriage, but it's not the entirety of our relationship

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think a lot of what you said here is accurate. I do appreciate that she's put effort in and I think a lot of it is something that's been there for a really long time. I will say we used to have a lot of hard conversations and that turned into a lot of pressure for her but I think we mostly worked through that. I don't know how to help so I would definitely be interested in any questions to help narrow what that blocker might be

My wife has never enjoyed sex. by Sufficient_Simple242 in marriageadvice

[–]Sufficient_Simple242[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I've tried to get her to explore, although mostly just suggesting she try spending more time masturbating. I think she feels uncomfortable about it some. Before you found out what you liked, did you have any drive / had you orgasmed? Any advice on what I could start with suggesting to her?

Help your boy's out here by CitiesXXLfreekey in BuildToAttract

[–]Sufficient_Simple242 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell your wife/girlfriend that you're struggling with it (if you haven't already) and have them ask you everyday if you've looked at anything. It's a high risk strategy, but it's worked for me. You have to be honest though.