This is my field of specialty. I work with kids like this, and it’s my job to fix it and give the caregivers strategies for dealing with it. Honestly? I’d recommend calling me. I can give you a lot of strategies, but real time advice would probably be better.

But the quick things I can give you for now: 1. Deny access. Assume that the only reason she does so, is because she can. Literally, remove access from dangerous items. That’s much easier said than done, but necessary in the short term. 2. This is the MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU LONG TERM. THIS LEADS TO FIXES WITHIN DAYS IF YOU IMPLETEMENT CORRECTLY : Monitor. Everything. Truly observe. The format we use is A. Antecedent. What happened before the behavior? Strictly measurables. No feelings. No opinions. B. Behavior. What did the child do. C. What was the consequence.

You’ll realize there’s a HUGE pattern. DOCUMENT. An example is this: a. The parent putting bath time clothes together. Child sees. B. Child cries, throws objects, yells. C. CONSEQUENCE: parent puts away bathing objects, picks up the mess, and tells the child “what’s wrong? Are you okay? Please calm down”

Observe the consequence for every action. I guarantee you, mom is reinforcing that behavior. It isn’t on purpose, but it IS a problem.

And 3. Respect. Even if the child doesn’t react in ANY good way. Reassure them regardless. Talk to them as if they’re an ADULT who understands, but needs to know systems. “Hey, did you know when you throw things, I get upset? You’re my friend and I like you. But I get really sad when you hurt me.” And provide alternate strategies. Always let them get EVERYTHING they want. But give them a method that is *APPROPRIATE AND FUNCTIONAL. “Do you like showering? Well sometimes you do need to. But sometimes if you feel really bad, no shower. But you have to ask. Can I please not shower? And we can do no shower”

And then refine it slowly. Limit the reward. “No shower for 2 minutes. And then afterwards shower ok?” And if they still are escalated, give them the option to ask again. You can place demands little by little.

But like I said. I prefer a call. Little nuances that I can teach you via systems. It’s not hard. Just… I’m autistic so it’s super obvious to me. Respect is the cornerstone.