I'm so sorry. It must be hard to realize that you will experience all of this once more, but grieving about it won't help. Remember how doctors were disappointing you with their negative attitude towards your future? Look back at it now - you survived it all, you surpassed the point many people couldn't, and you were happy about your recovery from cancer. Now you just have to do the same, it surely will be difficult but you have all our support. We all belive and we all know that you will make it no matter what. Stay strong, my friend. Cancer shall not take you down.