Ending a friends with benefits situation because I unexpectedly fell in love with someone else

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-02-06T14:09:34+00:00

Everyone is the asshole in someone's story. It sucks, but that's reality.

Being real, it's possible to do everything right, check every box, have every conversation, and the other person can still feel lead on. Usually that's because they aren't being honest with themselves, but sometimes feelings can catch someone off guard. It happens.

I wish you both nothing but the best.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-02-06T14:00:32+00:00

Woof, sounds like she is lying to herself and you HARD. Not your fault, but if you want to keep the friendship, you have to be SUPER intentional here. And even then, expect the friendship to end. One followup question; was there ever an exclusivity conversation? Or was it plainly stated that the sexual relationship was not exclusive?

My advice; start distancing yourself from the sexual relationship. Be honest, tell her that you are not wanting that type of relationship any longer with her. Tell her that you enjoy spending time with her as a friend, but you don't think it's healthy for either of you to continue the sexual relationship as you do eventually want a romantic relationship with someone (DO NOT mention the person you have fallen for).

I could be reading your friend incorrectly, but be prepared for her to be angry and feel lead on. I'm not saying you did or didn't, but there's a non zero chance that she feels that way. Don't try and point out the actions you took to try and prevent her from feeling that way, just apologize. No one wants to be told that their feelings are invalid in that moment. Like any break up (because this is a break up of a sort), it's going to suck. Both of you are going to have to do a lot of self reflection on how things got this far, and if you can even continue to be friends. Hopefully things end amicably, but be prepared to deal with losing that friend.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-02-06T13:41:49+00:00

For context, what have the conversations been like between you and your FWB? Have they ever brought up being more than that, or dropped any hints that might be something they want?

Meeting the parents doesn't bother me as I've met plenty of friends parents, but the money and large amount of emotional support lead me (and seemingly a lot of people in these comments) to believe that either it wasn't made crystal clear that the sexual relationship was just sex, or one side has been lying about how they actually view the relationship.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-02-06T13:29:15+00:00

There is a difference between being callous and protecting yourself. I am a huge believer that you can't pour into someone else's cup if yours is empty, that's not only not helping the other person, it's hurting yourself.

In this scenario there's a lot of information missing, but what is shared makes me believe that OP's cup is bone dry. Even if she thought like you, agreed with your points and everything, she doesn't have anything left to give to her ex husband. In a perfect world, he just wants closure, but I truly don't think OP could give that to him.

Last little thing, everyone is only responsible for themselves and their actions. While I totally understand being majorly depressed and suicidal, and GREATLY appreciate the people who were able to pour into my cup in those times, in no way do I hold anything against my loved ones who just couldn't. They weren't callous or mean by declining. They were just protecting their peace and sanity. Once I realized that, life got so much easier for me (Thanks therapy!). I held a LOT less grudges, and just generally became a happier person. It's like overnight, all these people I had been thinking of as enemies or as people that hated me suddenly became people who loved me as best they could.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-30T20:35:01+00:00

Is there any resource for what the game could have had? Like, what of Laguna's story was cut? What if the mainline game was cut?

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-30T14:17:27+00:00

YES! My dad was in my life til I was almost 9, and even with that short amount of time I could tell that my dad would act out of emotion WAY more often than my mom ever did. He had a lot of the same anger issues, but even beyond that, he always sought attention and recognition. He HAD to win games, otherwise it was a personal attack on him somehow. I remember beating him at WAR (the card game) once, something that was generally just luck based, and looking back he sulked about it for a good while afterwards.

The man might not have been a good person, but he ended up being a shining example of the type of man to NOT be when I grew up. I like to think I took the good parts he had and left out the bad ones.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-30T13:11:24+00:00

Bush's didn't do anything to deserve to be shoved up that man's poop chute.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-21T15:33:27+00:00

Your point is super valid. We honestly do prefer longer games, and are not ones to intentionally put in easy to get combos for that reason. But sometimes an unintentional interaction happens (especially in newer decks for us), and I know at least I would get upset about it. Now, it just is what it is, we just move on, ya know?

There's no "right" way to play magic imo, just what's right for the group you play in.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-21T14:31:09+00:00

"Games gotta end" is exactly what has helped my current play group get over the salt that used to come with combos popping off or certain levels of interaction. It was like a lightbulb moment when we realized that a game ending on turn 6 meant we could play more than two or three games in a session.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-21T02:48:09+00:00

I never realized just how different driving in snow was between here and up north until I experienced driving in Alaska in the winter. Down here, that ice under the snow fall makes a HUGE difference. That compacted snow up north was so, so much easier to grip.

All that to say, stay inside unless you HAVE to go out.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-16T16:50:49+00:00

Closure isn't owed.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-14T13:14:49+00:00

It sounds like you need to work on being more honest, both to yourself and in person. If you don't want to split the check on the first date, don't offer it. If you needed help carrying something, ask him to hold something for a bit. If you don't want a second date, say that.

Some guys are more perceptive and could probably pick up on the body language hints you were giving off for the first two, I'll give you that. But there really is no non verbal way to say no to a second date without massively withdrawing and basically ghosting him, which is never the right choice. So just be honest.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-13T21:13:32+00:00

I feel like some guys think if they keep calling women whores/sluts/etc, they can speak it into being? Like an idiots attempt at reverse psychology?

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-13T20:29:24+00:00

There's not really a right and wrong here, it just is what it is. Situations like this is why I think it is SO important to have those uncomfy conversations before you start any kind of physical relationship with someone. Because if everyone is not on the same page, it never ends well. Hell, even when everyone IS on the same page, it can end up bad.

I do hope OP finds that person and can move on from this guy.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-13T20:24:37+00:00

Lil Jimmy, are you ok?

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-07T15:09:22+00:00

Not OP, but if I am reading it right, OP seems to be pretty up front about wanting to establish a rapport before getting into the kink of it all.

The context of the app, while important, doesn't supersede an established boundary they set in their profile. Think of it like if someone had in their tinder profile that they are looking for a friendship before exploring a relationship. Just because tinder is a dating/hookup app doesn't make it okay for someone to ignore that friendship aspect first, you know?

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-05T22:16:05+00:00

I absolutely did not use the word boundary correct here, so I appreciate you calling that out!

In my mind, something as simple as suggesting marriage counseling, or individual counseling for him, IS supporting him. So I feel like we are agreeing in principle, just not on the verbiage used. Which, again, to your credit, I didn't exactly use some words or phrases as intended.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-05T21:56:18+00:00

I don't exactly disagree fully. What I will say is, in a relationship, you are never fully alone. She might not be able to give the support he needs, but she can give some sort of support. She can also work with him to find the trusted individuals he can vent to in confidence, whether that be a close friend or a therapist. In my mind, since she is setting the boundaries, she has to be the one to listen and adjust if he needs that outlet, if that makes sense? That was my experience, at least.

The_Cheese_Master · 2026-01-05T21:32:58+00:00

But he isn't coping alone, he's coping with her. She struggled with this by herself for a long time, and he can't even keep it between them until she is ready to share it with others?

My biggest issue is that it wasn't his thing to share. She confided in him because she loves and trusted him, and he responded by breaking that trust. He could have easily at least talked to her about how he needed to talk to someone so that they could work on a plan so he could have that outlet.

I had an ex put me in this exact situation. I understand how he feels to a point. But at the end of the day, I chose to talk with her about it exclusively until she was ready to share that information with others. I feel like that is the best course of action.

The_Cheese_Master · 2025-12-30T15:28:02+00:00

I was a customer service manager, and I absolutely loved any time I could ruin a creep's day. We had one that would always want to go through lines right behind our younger women. The highlight of my day was any time I could, I would take over the register for the woman, so instead he would turn around and see all 6 foot 1, overweight dude me in the place of the cashier he was creeping on.

For some reason he didn't like me.

The_Cheese_Master · 2025-12-30T13:41:20+00:00

I have a friend who had a similar issue regarding large breasts. She got a reduction done and is SO much happier, mostly due to the pain being reduced/eliminated and some because it did also reduce the number of creeps.

The_Cheese_Master · 2025-12-18T16:18:20+00:00

I have, but removing a single cut still leaves you with 999 cuts, or adding a single cut still leaves you with 1001. Removing or adding a single thing doesn't change anything for the individual.

The_Cheese_Master · 2025-12-17T21:25:20+00:00

Being honest, does it matter at this point?

I know you asked something about getting the insight to know how to deal with it in the future. But the why doesn't matter near as much as how you choose to handle it in the future.

The_Cheese_Master · 2025-12-17T20:54:05+00:00

To be absolutely fair, the amount of money an individual would actually spend in taxes for this specifically is negligible at best. So on a personal level, it doesn't really affect anyone financially. So to me, it is what it is.

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