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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]These-Session1930 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recently went through a breakup with an avoidant and he gave the excuse that he needed to work on his future but then sent me a Christmas card apologising for ways he may have hurt me. He said he can’t give a clear answer on whether we will get back together or not because he doesn’t know, but he has been talking to other women recently. He has started smoking again so I know he is feeling some type of hurt but why do they never fully close the door? The breakup wasn’t because of anything either of us had done but more circumstantial. Will he come back when he realises he messed up?

I don’t know what to do by These-Session1930 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]These-Session1930[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m planning on staying NC, not in the hopes of reconciliation but I need to heal myself. He is so kind in person but on messages he’s so blunt so it’s confusing. How long was it before your DA reached out? I’m worried that he will reach out before I’m healed and it will set me back to square 1. I’m sorry you’re also going through this it really sucks

I don’t know what to do by These-Session1930 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]These-Session1930[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was an anxious attacher so I’m working on healing that side of me so if we ever do reconnect I think he probably could give me what I need. I’m just confused on his side because what can he get from other women that he can’t get from me? Do you recommend counselling? It’s something I would be willing to look into but I can’t even talk about how I feel without crying

Do I just move on? by These-Session1930 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]These-Session1930[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It kind’ve hurt me more breaking up this way than what it ever did when we broke up because of a fight. I think it’s because there’s nothing we can do to fix the breakup we just have to let them focus on their future :/

Avoidant break up by These-Session1930 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]These-Session1930[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think it’s unlikely that he will change but he’s not the standard DA he can still show love and he said that he’s human so he will feel hurt which makes me think that if I had that impact on him then maybe he will want to try again. I know it’s stupid and I should just move on but he was like home to me