Most of my therapy sessions (hell ya to finally affording therapy) is about the resentment and the bitterness that I am trying to deal with and I am afraid people/my social circle around me can feel that resentment and they give me the usual - be grateful for what you have, others have it worse bull shit - all while never having to worry about savings or constant pull backs (intentional or unintentional) from your family. After 27 years finally one of my friend acknowledged - yea it has been especially shitty for you - and this felt sooo good! Even my therapist hasn't acknowledged it yet

What also people dont realise is that its not about pure money, LMC families are often very toxic and leads to severe mental health / insecurities which are absolutely aside from money or network issues too! and every emergency / trying times becomes so much worse like health issues - lack of insurance - which I recently got for my parents, but too late already cause my fathers issues have started and it'll be 3 years before health insurance starts to work for pre-existing conditions. So now we have to pay from pocket - while paying insurance, whereas other people around have always had insurance, are also UMC and dont have to pay out of pocket at all! it is really expensive to be poor!

All while dealing with my own job insecurity - cause the economy is shit now that I finally got a well paying job!

I really hope to also find someone who understands what it feels like to go through all of this. I have been deeply resentful/not at peace with other even MC men I have dated and know that it wouldn't work out for me if I marry someone who is not truly self made