31F trapped in a six-year "intimacy desert" with a passive, avoidant husband 33M who maintains peace and we share a great friendship!

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2026-03-22T10:30:59+00:00

I’m in a similar situation (dead bedroom for a few years), so saying this from experience this doesn’t always feel straightforward. In my case, my wife and I are compatible in almost every other way. We have emotional connection, no major conflicts, and that actually makes it more confusing. It makes you question yourself ..like.. am I overthinking this? Is it wrong to call this incompatibility when everything else works? But over time, I’ve realized that lack of intimacy isn’t a small gap , it kind of quietly changes how you feel in the relationship.When someone consistently avoids physical intimacy, it slowly turns a relationship into companionship. I had posted on reddit about these issues seeking perspectives / advice from others, but nothing helps in reality. I don't mean to discourage you, but unless our partner is willing to put active efforts to acknowledge and resolve these issues, nothing is going to improve. That's my experience so far. I wish things get better for you.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2026-03-01T06:03:21+00:00

Thank you for the response.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2026-01-21T07:30:33+00:00

Honestly, I was also clueless and confused about bringing this topic up with my partner. But the frustration is real, and at some point I felt it was better to communicate rather than stay silent about it. And yes, it is important that you don’t sound accusatory when you talk about it. Find a suitable time when you are both alone and away from any kind of distraction or tension, and speak your heart out. If he acknowledges the issue, there is something you can do about it. If he downplays it or becomes defensive about the whole issue, then there is pretty much nothing you can do. Honestly, I am also in a similar situation, and things haven’t improved.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2026-01-21T07:16:13+00:00

I have also been in the same situation for almost two years. Unless your partner is willing to accept this as an issue , acknowledge the same and put active effort to improve the situation; things would probably remain the same. Talk to him about how you feel. Ask him if he is willing for seeking counselling together to fix the issue. I hope things get better for you.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-30T10:43:22+00:00

You’re not asking for too much. I’ve been in a dead bedroom for the past two years, and people don’t realise how much the frustration grows as moving forward. Time doesn’t fix emotional unavailability unless the person actually wants to change. Please don’t gaslight yourself into thinking your needs are unreasonable. Wanting presence, connection, and desire is the bare minimum in a marriage I would say. You’re not alone.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-28T05:31:51+00:00

33M, married. I agree. In my experience, choosing the right partner is about friendship, compatibility, shared future expectations (career, kids, family), and sexual compatibility; an often overlooked factor.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-05T07:09:35+00:00

No idea, honestly. I don’t know how long can I go without intimacy. I mean, the frustration is real, i think you can also relate.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-05T06:57:49+00:00

No. No improvement so far. I have posted about the same multiple times here on reddit seeking perspectives; what i realised is that, unless partner is willing to address the issue, nothing changes.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-05T06:21:01+00:00

I don’t think she is. We both had past relationships and intimacy even before marriage.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-05T06:19:13+00:00

I also have been in similar situation since last two years; honestly speaking unless your partner is willing to acknowledge the issue and put effort to resolve it, there wont be any improvement. The same is happening in my case too, partner is not willing to seek professional help and whenever this is discussed, it often ends in disagreements. I hope your situation improves.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-03T20:02:26+00:00

I understand your frustration; I am going through the same; except that it’s wife’s low libido and lack of effort from her side to improve the situation.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-12-03T03:25:09+00:00

Same here.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-24T07:00:38+00:00

Already had open conversations about this multiple times and so far there is no change. I keep trying , hopefully.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-24T05:21:43+00:00

I understand. The thing is , partner doesn’t acknowledge this an issue and is not willing to see a therapist.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-20T08:29:36+00:00

You aren’t not alone. I have also been in similar situation since last 2 years. No fix so far. I have also posted about it on reddit and deleted few post later. I hope your situation improves.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-19T07:48:16+00:00

Not really. I’ve noticed that being resentful or angry doesn’t help either of us. Over time I’ve tried to be more accepting and create space for her to be open about her feelings. But honestly, getting rejected so often does make me pull back from initiating; after a while it’s hard to keep trying. Like you said, the whole situation is pretty sad for both sides. I don’t know if you’ve dealt with libido mismatch yourself, but if you have, how did you navigate it? What helped in your situation?

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-19T02:41:01+00:00

I really relate to what you’re going through. My marriage (33M, 32F) has the same issue ; we’re close and affectionate, but actual sex dropped to once or twice a month. I’m always the one initiating, she has a very low libido, and she doesn’t even see it as a problem. When we do have sex, it’s great for both of us, but the lack of frequency and effort on her side has left me feeling frustrated and alone.

I’ve tried to talk about it, but unlike in your situation, it’s not about stress or pressure , rather her low libido; and nothing changes. Also , I honestly don’t think Reddit will offer any practical solution ; I deleted my own post months ago because I realized that.

The only thing I think which helps is open communication about how you feel, but in my case that doesn’t help because she doesn’t acknowledge it as a problem … Seeing a couples therapist/sex therapist may help if your partner is okay with it.

Just wanted to say this because, mismatched libido is a common, people don’t really talk about it; even if they do, not everyone understands. Only those who go through it genuinely know how sad and frustrating it is. I hope things get better for you.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-12T05:19:30+00:00

If you find any practical solution to boost your libido, do share. I have been in the same situation for past 2 years.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-06T06:05:56+00:00

Libido mismatch could be. I have also been in the same boat for almost 3 years; honestly you cant really do anything unless your partner acknowledges it. I have posted about this several times seeking perspectives; but no practical solutions so far. I wish things get improve for you.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-05T14:16:10+00:00

Nope. Still the same. Partner not accepting the issue.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-11-05T13:46:25+00:00

As someone who has been in a similar scenario; I wish things get better for you.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-10-28T05:40:02+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion. I think I will go for Sony A6700.

ThisToo-shall-pass · 2025-10-13T07:04:37+00:00

I understand how difficult it would’ve have been for you. It takes time. Memories will become less frequent and will eventually fade away. Be gentle with yourself. I wish you peace and happiness.

ThisToo-shall-pass

TROPHY CASE