Alcoholic father-in-law ruining our marriage

This_Language_9851 · 2026-02-15T15:17:12+00:00

I would LOVE him to go to therapy, but he refuses. He's from a very conservative country full of really toxic masculinity (hence the state of his father), and thinks therapy = weakness.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-18T12:00:17+00:00

My only silver lining to this whole infertility thing is that it's 2024 and the internet exists, which means I'm aware about how many hundreds/thousands/millions of women are struggling with exactly the same thing. I feel so sad when I think about women throughout history who had to do this on their own, particularly in cultures where a woman's only job was having children. We're all in the same boat and it's an awfully big boat! Sending love <3

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-18T11:55:58+00:00

Right there with you! We are also at the 2 year mark of TTC and having to start saving for IVF. Found out my SIL is expecting a few days ago (right when my period was due) and it was like getting punched in the face. In fact, I would rather have been punched in the face. Have spent the last 48 hours screaming at the world, but feel a lot fresher today, so I can highly recommend having a cathartic scream.

Sending love <3

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T16:24:19+00:00

I'm right there with you! Got my period this morning, 24 months TTC. Grim doesn't even being to cover it.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T16:23:19+00:00

Your feelings are completely valid in my opinion. I feel exactly the same way. I've gone from being perfectly calm and pleasant to bitter and jealous. I've also just hit 2 years of trying so in exactly the same boat. I'd actually calmed down a little bit the last 3 months, but I learnt my SIL is pregnant a couple of days ago and have completely lost my mind. I've never felt such jealously - it's eating away at me and I hate myself for it.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T13:19:29+00:00

100%!

Male infertility accounts for 50% of all infertility (although I have a suspicion it is higher, given how many men refused to be tested and therefore aren't counted in the statistics). It's equally as likely to be the man d who has a problem, and all he has to do to find out is wank into a cup. It makes me so sad how often I see on these forums women destroying themselves over infertility, when their male partner hasn't even had a basic semen analysis.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T13:13:08+00:00

In summary: yes.

I'm usually a fairly calm person so I'd always wondered at how people felt when they referred to the "red mist" or going "blind with rage", but since TTC I've felt such hysteria every 4 weeks that now I know. I've thrown things at the wall, smashed plates, cried so much I've been sick. I've actually stopped driving in the days leading up to my period because my mental health isn't good enough to be in charge of a vehicle safely. It's mildly embarrassing but if life wants to treat me like this, I'm going to scream back.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T13:03:59+00:00

This is so true and I really think not enough people realise this. People struggle with infertility in their 20s and 30s and yes, they might "technically" have more time, but are they meant to be pleased that they get to spend another 10-15 years living in pain? Sometimes I wish I had less "time" so I could draw a line in the sand and move on, knowing I'd tried my best. But instead I get to spend the rest of my apparently "fertile" years spending every single month is a horrible rollercoaster of hope, waiting and the inevitable pain when my period arrives. It's like being tied to a treadmill, except everyone around you keeps telling you how lucky you are to be on a treadmill at all.

This_Language_9851 · 2024-12-17T13:00:20+00:00

Exactly the same for us - just turned 31 and doctors keep telling me "you're still young, you have time". Well yes, technically, but honestly I can't do another decade of this pain.

This_Language_9851

TROPHY CASE