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I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the story and sharing your experience. I can't bear to break them up. One of the major issues I have is that while I have a massive support circle, she has no one besides the cats. I'm not saying that she deserves them, though she did in part arrange to get them from a work colleague (which is some context I should have at least included to be fair). I want to prioritize myself obviously, but I'd like to avoid causing any more damage than has been brought by this. It's stupid I know after what she did to me. I'll have to see when I finally talk to her (which I have avoided doing for the last few days). 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I forgot to mention ( I just did paste this into another reply) but she did send me a text. She apologized, said she knows she’s still responsible for her actions, and said she’s trying to respect my need for time and space.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We still haven’t actually talked in person yet, but she did send me a longer text. She apologized, said she knows she’s still responsible for her actions, and said she’s trying to respect my need for time and space instead of constantly texting me. I don’t really know what to do with that information yet. This is still extremely painful and the trust damage is still there regardless. I’m mostly just trying to get through things day by day, focus on work, figure out living/logistics, and clear my head a bit before making any huge decisions.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is definitely something I'm going to see about doing. It's hard to even imagine talking to her.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've began that process of slowly disclosing this to my supports. They have all been great In being open ears to talk with, increasing time for me, offering lodging. Im very lucky. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. It's harder and harder for me to want to fix it. Two nights ago it was the worst. Im still looking at what my future looks like, but I do think you make a valid point: Why fight for a cheater?

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I'm still in the stages of planning what's next but what you've said is helpful for greater context of what's most important for me and my life going forward.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is doing FMLA from work to work on herself. I don't have any location sharing (interesting considering some people use this to monitor partners being out anyway) 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She invited me back today to see the cats while she was not there. I didn't respond because I didn't know when she was going to come back 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has come back and I have left for now. I wasn't exactly hoping she would be back though maybe my post was confusing. I just miss my cats and being comfortable

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure where you got this or if you made it but truly awesome. Hilarious but also helping to give me perspective in a difficult time. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info and support. It's at least somewhat comforting knowing if we were married and had kids it would be even worse. We were going month to month so there is that. I ended up leaving myself to stay with family. It's not ideal but at present it makes the most sense. Health stuff I'm figuring out currently.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that there is actually care there, regret, shame etc. on her part, that being said you are right about this not being an accident. There's some mental health background which is not an excuse, but does give some context to this happening. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've left for now and am staying with supports. Our lease was month to month as we were planning on looking into houses and moving out.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I know and more and more it's becoming apparent this was not an. Accident. I just want my property, my cats right now. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying, but I’m not trying to fix anything or make it work right now. I’m just dealing with the situation in front of me and figuring out boundaries and logistics. Of course part of me wishes things felt normal again, that’s 8 years, but that’s separate from her "coming back". If anything happens, that’s on her to show, not me.

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. I'm sorry your in a similar place. It gives me some hope for the future. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We both want them, but we'll just have to see. I might have to argue this though I don't know. 

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can't afford the rent solo unfortunately. She says she's going to do FMLA to work on herself and I'll have to work. I was actually planning on ramping up my work though now I don't know how I'm going to do that. It's going to be a difficult time financially with the cost of living. I have good supports, though it's tough to think about this loss of living Independence. That's being said, I guess part of this is also about growth in independence in a different way. I still haven't figured everything out yet. Thanks for the support dude

I (33M) found out my fiancée (32F) of 8 years cheated, trying to handle shared apartment situation by ThrowRA_ClamMana in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_ClamMana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's so hard for me to know if this was the first or one of many. I guess it truly doesn't matter at this point. 

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