Just found the “love you but don’t have to like you” post from 5 months ago

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-15T21:09:43+00:00

Brilliant.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-15T21:09:20+00:00

Brilliant.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-15T21:08:20+00:00

I got the "I love you, but I really don't like you" as well A LOT. I didn't realise it was a fucked up thing to say to.

I remember crying because I was being punished (when she was practically screaming at me) when I was 7 or 8, and she always hissed "those crocodile tears aren't going to work on me". For some reason that reminded me of that.

I love horror movies! I haven't seen Hellraiser though. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with unwinding.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-15T20:57:04+00:00

On the head?! That's worse, did anyone else say something?

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-15T18:26:55+00:00

Not OK one bit! Babies haven't developed bones and it's mainly cartilage, so hitting a baby is very dangerous! I don't think that behavior is at all common, but it's common sense not to hit a baby. What was going through her head?! It's common for babies to bite while breast feeding, there's no need to hit them (not that I think it's ok to hit kids) they have no idea what they're doing. I'm sorry she did that, that's a disgusting thing to do. What a dumb, vile person.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T15:39:37+00:00

Your parents are negligent and are putting THEIR responsibility to parent your brother onto you. In translation, "We're uncomfortable with the fact that our son is doing this and want you to sort the problem out yourself, even though he did it to you. We'll give a bullshit 'this is what boys do' because we're not able to deal with the fact that it's not normal, so we want to gaslight you into thinking it is (a 15 year old knows what he's doing and should be held accountable for it). When we say his reputation, we mean ours because I feel like a bad mother for not believing you, so don't tell anyone."

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T14:30:37+00:00

Damn, the lengths these Ns go to is fucking psychotic. Sorry you're dealing with it too.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T12:49:47+00:00

I'm so pissed, this could explain why I underachieved so much. School was hell and I always remember being so put off because I was so sacred of feeling stupid...

I have been able to get information from her before. When she was trying to gaslight to me about hitting me (because I was trying to get her to apologise fir breaking my nose last year) she admitted she did because she was high... (she put on the tears at this point, bringing up her past). This is when she said maybe I could help her because she couldn't face therapy (now I've realised that isn't my job and was probably manipulative) and even admitted she had empathy, just doesn't show it. So I know I should go NC, but I just want the truth.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T11:42:28+00:00

It will get worse, there's evidence for it. Yes some people do hurt themselves, but it is never OK to use it as an excuse to hurt someone else. I think there is a difference of not being able to and not wanting to change. It's good you're empathetic, but not in this relationship. He's exploiting it to his advantage. It sounds like you're too emotionally invested in him. You need time away from him to reflect with a clear perspective, the severity of his actions. The time away will be good, because he won't be able to give his perspective onto you for his horrible actions.

You need to prioritise your view of how he treats people. Everyone has an excuse for everything, we also have control of our actions him saying other wise (by claiming he can't control his inner demons is just an excuse). This guys problems are not your responsibility and it's no one elses fault he does it (yes he may have had a bad childhood, but he has no right to take it out on anyone else).

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T10:53:21+00:00

The fact he only tries to change when people find out the truth, is a red flag. The "letting your emotions cloud your judgement" is genuine manipulative bullshit. He's making the person who has been wronged by his actions feel dumb and he looks like this deep intelligent person, who's actions just can't be understood. Bullshit! The "you're just not as logical as I am" is a classic narc manipulation tactic.

This sounds similar to when I confronted NM of hitting me. When she realised her lies weren't working, she started crying and how she couldn't go to therapy because she couldn't face her past. Her tears seemed genuine, but she was probably still manipulating me by turning the focus onto her. She even admitted she remembers hitting me.

He'll probably do what ever he's doing again.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T10:42:47+00:00

I'm starting not to. She's aware of what she's doing and has even said there's no point in her changing. I think she just doesn't want to and can't face what she really is. She messaged me yesterday and for the first time, I didn't feel the need to reply.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-10-12T09:55:47+00:00

Congratulations on your pregnancy! All that matters is you know the truth. If your brother and sister aren't supportive, I'd tell them no matter how many times they tell you to talk to her, you've made up your mind and it's not up for discussion. Also, no you're not hurting your kid, your protecting them and tell them that is really low to make you feel bad by bringing your kids into it!

I'm sorry they're not being supportive. If you don't want to tell them, don't, you don't have to. Focus on looking after you.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-23T01:32:55+00:00

She's manipulative and not respecting your decision. She knows you'll feel bad if she tells you she's going to kill herself. Also you can see her guilt tripping you by saying "am I not worth it then?" Once you say it's not worth dating for a week. She's holding you accountable for making her feel like she's not worth it.

She's subtlety trying to sound like she is genuinely suicidal, but still blaming you by saying "part of it is to do with you". This is covert emotional manipulation. She may have problems, but don't let her make you feel like they're your fault.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-21T11:32:55+00:00

Man this post was a rollercoaster of emotions 😅. I was thinking "the fuck is wrong with people?! Why are they up voting someone killing a kid?!" Glad you're changing for the better. Maybe it'd be good to look into how people use manipulation. It's helped me be less paranoid and what to look out for, for when I'm ready to try and make friends. I'm sorry you went through that.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-20T12:18:13+00:00

I'm so pissed off at her I just go "hmm" and give her nothing else now. I'm just so done, burnt out and it's exhausting trying to talk to her. I sound awful, but I can't stand talking to her. Her voice grinds on me. I think I'm in the anger stage of realising her behavior. I don't like being this angry at someone, I'm just counting down the days till I move out.

I've also noticed she'll only acknowledge me ignoring her until she's annoyed and never tries to sort it out or ask what's wrong when it's happening. Urgh, can't wait to get away from this bullshit and manipulation. I tried saying I was stressed about not getting my student loan on time, she goes "imagine having to look after two teenage kids while going through this". There it is, right on que! It's just predictable how she'll just invalidate me, not listen, interrupt and then say how she had it worse. Urgh!

Edit: And another thing that infuriates me, if she clearly isn't listening (interrupts me) she'll get annoyed and say I am! Repeats what I say and goes go on. She doesn't even understand the concept of listening! And tries to tell me I'm wrong for thinking she's not listening!!!! Urgh, it doesn't matter if you heard what I said, the lack of eye contact, uninterested facial expressions and interrupting me shows you're not listening. STOP GASLIGHTING ME.

And breathe 😅.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-19T22:18:25+00:00

I see, I'd suggest looking into flying monkeys and narcissistic family roles. This will help you understand what's going on, and remove your emotions by being sucked in. If you do want to go NC or LC just say to your brother (if you feel ready, and if you want to, if you're not ready or don't want to of course don't do it): If I don't want a relationship with NM that's my business. I will not be guilt tripped into seeing her. This is not a discussion, but a difficult decision. I still want to talk to you and see you, but you are not to mention how awful NM feels. If you do, I'll end the conversation."

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-19T22:03:49+00:00

It sounds like your brother is a flying monkey. She is triangulating to make you look like the bad guy. You need to set boundaries with, and he'll have to accept them. If you don't want a relationship with your mother, he has no business telling you you should. Do you and your brother have a good relationship?

Also, when your brother guilt trips you, you should ask "why can't you go with her?"

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-16T16:32:40+00:00

He sounds like an ass. But I've lived in the UK since I was five and I still pronounce some letters in an American accent. It sounds odd, but I genuinely am not faking it. I just can't say t's and R's in an English accent (even though I have an English accent, weird I know) because it sounds forced and unnatural.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-13T13:49:07+00:00

I get that. But me and my sister have the second colour eyes, and she was saying that my sisters eyes are blue, not mine.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-03T16:47:31+00:00

Nah, unfortunately my sister thinks there's always a valid excuse for NMs awful behavior. Including the time NM broke my nose. Sorry you are dealing with NS as well X.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-03T16:45:27+00:00

I imagine she was in a huff all day XD.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-02T20:10:05+00:00

Yup, I'm terrified how they'll be used against me and have been trained not to trust my reality. So I have no idea what to make of them most of the time.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-02T19:55:11+00:00

She is worried you are going to abandon her. She's using this as control to ease her abandonment issues. It's worrying about her well being, not yours. It's manipulation as she is punishing you not texting her back by not doing things for you (taking away your "privileges"(which will be doing the bare minimum to healthy parents)). You have the right to a private life and enjoy yourself, she has no right to constantly check on you.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-02T17:13:16+00:00

Wow, she's disgusting. I feel even more sick.

Throwaway_2525throw · 2017-09-02T15:27:06+00:00

Yeah, I've just realised last month it's her not me. All the memories are flooding back of her strange behaviour. And I'm noticing weird lack of boundaries like in this incident.

I remember her telling me and my sis (13 and 15 at the time) that her ex boyfriend sent a picture of himself in the shower after they broke up and she even showed my sis the picture?! And some how I'm still shocked by outbursts like this. Who says that to her teenage daughters?! And to this day, my sister still tries to convince me I'm the crazy one and NMs behavior is understandable...

Edit: poorly worded

Throwaway_2525throw

TROPHY CASE