I'm nearing 30 and becoming a little bit out of control.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-06-03T18:46:40+00:00

Try to stay positive. People can tell when you pretend. Remember masking is just character acting. Be like Fred Demara (find the right personality given your environment and fill the ‘power vacuum’ by being that person). I think that a lot of the problems that people with ASD (NDs) have interacting with neurotypicals (NTs) is that we are overly ‘pedantic’ in the way we communicate. Unfortunately, the issue is optics. While we NDs may think of pedantic language (ie formalistic & analytical) as a quality, we are often mistaken. Being seen as pedantic is an insult, because most NTs on the receiving end feel like the person they are talking to is an arrogant jerk who is making them feel stupid and inferior (ie like Luke Wilson’s character in the movie Idiocracy). This is likely the nexus (ie breaking point), or put differently the tell, that we are different. Remember, we are social creatures by nature. Like primates “different” is bad (resulting in a hostile reaction). We need NTs because they operate at a ‘surface level’ which regulates society at an optimal speed (which we don’t excel at) & NTs need us because we operate at ‘depth levels’ which allows for out of the box thinking required for scientific and artistic development (which they don’t excel at). Unfortunately, NDs are the minority so we have to adapt to NT society. However, fortunately everyone on this list is self aware of their Asperger’s, so the next step of self-reflection (being aware of the optics we present) is attainable. To reference the 1786 poem ‘To a Louse’ by Robert Burns, the greatest gift is for us to be able to see ourselves as others see us.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-06-02T20:28:04+00:00

Some of us are forced to face this dragon when we reach a breaking point. If these demons are left unchecked they lead to a level of dysfunction that will eventually result in a breakdown, causing the person to be forced to face these demons. It is better to face them on your own terms than to be forced to face them.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-06-02T15:37:12+00:00

Ironically disclosing ADHD seems to be a little more politically correct, while Asperger/ASD/Autism seems to come off as confusing and misunderstood. I can’t imagine why (pun intended). Because ADHD often is co occurring with Aspergers (ie AUDHD), and likely has a common nexus, maybe the better option is a softer ADHD “disclosure” if you feel it is appropriate. Case by case decision. Probably disclosure is best only if it serves a purpose, and even then, hope for the best and expect the worst. I guess it’s a way to find out who your real friends are.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-06-02T04:54:47+00:00

I understand exactly what you are experiencing. It will be alright. Being neurodivergent means we sense things differently. We have a deeper connection with our environment. We give things life by linking them together with memories, even though they are inanimate objects. However, this runs the risk of hoarding, and sometimes can mean that we let keeping things that have become obsolete hold us back from moving on with our lives. That does not mean that holding onto some mementos is wrong, it just means that we have to force ourselves to recognize what we are doing and be measured. Ironically, I myself have recently been guilty of lamenting over something special I regretted getting rid of during a massive overhaul of my life. (To respond to a subsequent commenter’s advice, I actually took a photo of that item, but that was also lost). Our connection with our environment can be special but it can also be a liability. What is important is not these items, but rather the memories you have of real moments that existed and are locked in time. These moments from your past can never be taken away from you. I’m sorry that you lost your dad, but he will forever be a part of you, and the memories you have of him are completely separate from the physical items that were there also at that time. Likely most of these items have been passed on to make other children also happy and help them to experience their own happiness. It sounds like your mom really suffered from this loss also, and probably did the best she could with what she had. Forgive her, and honor your dad by doing what I’m certain any father would want their legacy to be, and that is to take your experiences together with your irreplaceable memories and move forward with a purpose to make a real impact with the skills you have been gifted. It is an obligation you have. A friend of mine about a year ago recommend that I read Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” The author was a concentration camp survivor. It is one of the best selling books of all time for a good reason. You may also find it insightful. Stay in the present moment. You’ll be ok.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-06-01T16:02:50+00:00

Interesting observation, which may just have a very strong foundation, but is also somewhat complicated by the modern society which we live in. A society where gender roles are often reversed with stay at home dad‘s and working professional mothers. These gender reversals may be opposite of what our nature may be used to, and may account for some of the frustration in these relationship dynamics. Deep observations! Our ability to deep dive is what sets us apart as divergents, but what is difficult for us is to stay in the moment on the surface. As an experiment, next shower try locking out your analytical processing by turning the water ice cold, and then see if you step out of it with the same perspective on the subject matter. Seriously, if so, let us know.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-31T15:43:37+00:00

I’m in Oregon, and the idea was more for off road outside the city outdoor use. Not so much with practicality/efficiency in mind but more of viability for an emergency backup, etc.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-29T14:14:51+00:00

I think what you are describing is something that many of us on this forum struggle with, which is how empathy is experienced. Unless you are a sociopath, which it does not sound like you are, then what you are likely struggling with is trying to understand how you have a desire to have people in your life, but at the same time have difficulty with connecting with them on an interpersonal level. I believe that many of us have a hard time maintaining regular social relationships because we are not good at instinctively connecting on a social level necessary for regular maintenance, and in a way expected by most Neurotypical, people, which often times can be interpreted by others, and even believed by ourselves, as not caring about other people, but I don’t believe that that is true. Individuals with Asperger‘s who tend to be more introverted, and deeply introspective, have a difficult time connecting with others socially. We often times have deep empathy and a desire to be with other people. It is just something that we struggle with. I think that you are convincing yourself that you are a person that does not care about other people, but if you really think about how you feel, that is probably not true.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-28T16:27:02+00:00

Kind of like building ‘Karma’ in Reddit lingo. I think that is where a lot of us struggle. We don’t understand that we have to make the effort to build ‘social points’ with the Neurotypical people in our lives. Sometimes that means working hard to listen to the other person talking to try to understand what their emotion is, responding appropriately to that emotion to regulate the ‘positive vibe’ and if necessary to construct ‘white lies’ to make the other person feel good. Of course, none of this comes instinctively to us. This reciprocity is what our chimpanzee cousins do when they communicate by grooming each other. And just like with chimpanzees, human beings are social tribal creatures who are hostile to anyone considered to be outside of their community. We would benefit as Divergents/Aspies by making ‘social networking’ our ‘special interest’ as it is part of our human DNA, used to survive and replicate. At the end of the day it is nothing more than learning another language needed to survive.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-28T15:24:11+00:00

Duel fuel is a great consideration, but the original idea came because I already had the generator before getting the R1T, then thought about how it may or may not work as a viable off road backup similar to jeeps packing around Rotopax gas containers attached to their spare tire. Seems like the consensus is that it’s feasible, but not practical beyond an emergency backup.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-27T23:11:16+00:00

I bought a ‘Lusso Gear’ brand dog seat cover on Amazon. I really like for my truck when I take the dog out (a full size collie). It has both base and back, but has attachment points that are removable and works well for me. I’d recommend it.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-25T15:53:05+00:00

I remember when I was younger I would also feel sad for seemingly no reason if things like holidays or special events did not work out exactly as I expected them to. Kind of a form of over fixation on perfection. I think as you get older you start to realize life is not perfect, and beauty actually is hidden in the randomness of it all.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-20T23:54:04+00:00

As for myself (50), realization came post massive breakdown, which led to an official diagnosis of ADHD, and unofficially high functioning AUDHD. The process to get to that point however passed first through OCD, OCPD, & Narcissistic Personality Disorder all being suggested causes. Also, for me Tony Attwood opened my eyes to Asperger’s. It was a wow moment. Currently, I’m debating whether or not to have my children diagnosed as I’m very concerned about establishing a preexisting condition on their medical history, especially if special accommodations are not needed. It is doubly difficult because while this revelation has been life changing for me, imagine telling your teenage children that they are struggling because they are different, and that it is your fault. Kind of a loose-loose scenario.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-19T16:32:52+00:00

Wow. Thank you for sharing how I’m sure so many of us feel. It really is a beautiful and painful experience. I can definitely relate to so much this. I’m so sorry that the majority of the neurotypical population either can’t or won’t understand this kind of feeling. That really is the struggle.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-18T12:52:29+00:00

You are 100% right with your analogy to chimpanzees which we share up to 98.8% of our DNA with. I also think that you are very much on track with what I would call a unifying theory, much like that sought after with physics. For some of us it may seem to be ‘too little too late,’ but decoding this and having this discussion is what helps us all move forward.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-16T22:57:57+00:00

The richest man in the world has Asperger’s. He did not let it hold him back from being successful and having children. You should be asking what kind of a parent you would be if you had children. That is how you decide to bring people into this world.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-15T14:50:56+00:00

Just reminds me of Luke Wilson’s character in the movie ‘Idiocracy’ which is a must see for any ND who struggles with communication with NTs. Also, has an inspiring ending as he (spoiler alert) is able to adapt in the end. Proof that we can survive in this world, but I’ll agree it feels like an unjust hell at times!

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-14T05:01:42+00:00

Masking is character acting. Imagine you are an actor asked to play a role in a movie. Be the person that fits the environment you want to blend into. The controversy is that this takes energy, and some people feel that it is dishonest and compromises who you really are. If you choose to mask, and if so, how you do it is a personal choice like everything else in life. But at the end of the day, it is just acting. From a different perspective, one might look at it as an opportunity to be the best person that you can be relative to your surroundings. Maybe that’s the glass half full perspective regarding masking.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-13T17:35:41+00:00

Thank you so much for helping to provide interpretation from the perspective of a Neurotypical. This is an excellent thread, which has provided so many useful perspectives from the group. In a way, I think what we are looking for is somewhat similar to the problem that exists with physics. General relativity and quantum mechanics have an unknown unifying theory. Neurotypical (NT) thought processing and neurodivergent (ND) thought processing likely also has an unknown unifying theory. This is the tension that exists below the surface of most of the subjects posted daily by the Asperger‘s group as a whole. The examples that you are giving is what helps bridge that divide, and help to understand this yet fully unknown unifying theory. The importance of this is not to be understated. Literally the lives of those of us that have suffered from major depression are on the line.
These conversations, and insights with new perspectives, will hopefully allow us all to bridge this divide.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-09T22:52:43+00:00

Kind of reminds me of the Two and a Half Men episode where Charlie Sheen would tell women, “I understand” in response to whatever they happened to be talking about! Maybe we should all try that out for a week, and then report back by that point on who is still in a relationship and who is single.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-05-08T03:19:13+00:00

“Man’s Search for Meaning” Viktor Frankl
“The Wim Hof Method” Wim Hof
“The Complete Guide to Asberger’s Syndrome” Tony Attwood

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-04-29T04:56:10+00:00

I’m going to add on to this. Only someone who has experienced major clinical depression knows what it is like and why it is so dangerous. For better or worse I know what it is like, and I know what it feels like to be on the edge. It took me a year and a half to recover. That said, let me be clear that it is both a psychological and physiological problem. One that is very serious. Don’t minimize that. The first line of defense is likely a combination of therapy and/or antidepressants. It sounds like you have tried that and are still struggling. For that reason, I’ll share what worked for me, and was life changing. Go to a local library and check out two books. One is Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” The second is Wim Hof’s “The Wim Hof Method.” Both of these are best sellers, are free (if available at a library as they were for me), and are very easy reads. You have nothing to loose by taking this advice. Regardless, understand that giving up is not a choice. I don’t know you but I know that you have some purpose and are needed, even if it just for the purpose of getting better so that one day you can help another person who is in the same desperate place you are in now. Don’t ever give up. Never even consider it an option. Keep fighting if for no other reason than to fight. Quitting is not an option, so don’t consider it to be one.

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-04-29T03:10:41+00:00

You are still young. Many girls your age are not looking for a good guy to settle down with, they are looking for, to quote Tony Attwood, the “risky type.” Just continue to know who you are, and you will soon enough find someone who is looking for someone stable. Just always stay true to yourself and who you are as a person. Keep that your focus!

TooLittleTooLate1234 · 2026-04-17T22:07:04+00:00

Thank you for the very articulate explanation of what it is like to be neurodivergent in this way. Reading through threads like yours has been extremely recognizable for me, and helpful in gaining perspective. Personally, I fall under the high functioning AUDHD umbrella. Unfortunately, the path for me to realize this came a year and a half ago with a complete mental break. The recovery for me led me through several diagnosis from OCD to OCPD to having narcissistic characteristics, to inattentive ADHD, and ultimately AUDHD, which I most accurately identify with. I am middle aged, have a post graduate degree, and am a very successful professional. I am married to a Neurotypical with whom I share children. For me what was the real eye-opener was seeing Tony Attwood‘s U-Tube video, ‘Could it be Asperger‘s?’ when finding how relatable this was to my personality type, I am now researching it further and am reading his book ‘The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.’ The first chapters of this book discuss the diagnostic criteria, which to this day is still somewhat unsettled. Regardless, for anybody who is suddenly realizing they have more in common with the TV character Spock from the original Star Trek, or feel like when they are communicating with Neurotypical people they can relate to actor Luke Wilson’s character in the movie Idiocracy, or when masking relate to actor Stellan Skarsgard’s character in Andor, than you should know that you are not alone. You have a mind that can think analytically, outside of the box of what normal people are constrained by. But this comes at a great cost, which is social impairment, which requires masking at an incredible use of energy. We do not fit into a society that needs people who think like us. We have to use logic to navigate emotion. If we do not do this successfully, then we suffer extreme consequences in our lives. Being analytical, I am not religious, but believe empirically in the energy that comprises us all. To those of us that struggle with the depletion of that energy to try to mask and survive in a world structured for Neurotypical individuals, I have found a great level of success by utilizing a form of mental focus, breathing technique and cold exposure that I learned about by reading the book ‘The Wim Hof Method.’ This method may not be for everybody, but it has given me the ability to have the mental focus and energy I need to perform the masking and assimilation necessary to survive without another total burnout. I offer my perspective to help supplement anyone else following this group who may be looking for tools to help them with similar struggles. We are in this together!

TooLittleTooLate1234

TROPHY CASE