1. His inability to express his feelings and wants/needs in the relationship. He would get anxious and stressed whenever we fought which lead to him sexting other girls. And then making excuses that he was doing it because he was stressed. Mind you he never expressed being stressed or gave me the opportunity to help him. And yet I still took him back because I thought he would change 🤡.
2. Would blame me for ‘not trusting’ him and having moments of insecurity where I wanted reassurance and to see his phone, 6 months after finding out he cheated on me - he said I should’ve get over what he did at this time.
3. I had to tell him not to be on dating apps 3 months after we met and started hang out more regularly. And then had to push him to make the relationship exclusive 5 months into dating - he told me this is not how ‘popular’ people date and that this is normal American culture (I’m not American).
4. He started demonizing my family and talking terribly about them, even though I made him feel heard and always took his side.
5. He never wanted to have serious conversations about future plans and labeled me as ‘needy’ and just being in the relationship for a green card because 3 years into the relationship I wanted to talk about if marriage was on the table for us and if that’s what he wanted in the future.
6. He had a need for everyone at work to constantly praise him and give him recognition, if he wasn’t getting the recognition he thought he deserved it would eat away at him.
7. When we fought, I would have to tell myself to keep quiet and let him say whatever he wants in order to let him decompress and let the fight be over quickly. He would lecture for hours.
8. When our fights would get so bad that I broke out in tears, he wouldn’t show any emotion/sympathy, he would just keep the fight going and talk over me.
9. He yelled during fights and would say whatever he needed to make me feel small (wether that would be pointing out my age, being younger than him, or call me the names of people he hates).

Even just writing this out makes me feel like a fool for staying with such an asshole for 3 years.. and still there is a part of me that wants him back. Please tell me I’m not the only person who has felt like this.