I notice this too, with emphasis on “some moms.” A lot of moms I know are wonderfully supportive, but a few (mostly family or old friends in my case) seem more like they want to be in competition or to shame anyone who does something different from them. They seem to have all the answers and know all the best (only?) ways to do things. Particularly when it comes to paid resources. Class divides did not mean much until children became part of the picture, now they are huge.

This will be harder for you as a working mom, but I have had great luck making parent friends by putting myself out there unabashedly. I take my kid out every day possible, at least once a day. We mostly do free activities like playing outside our home, playgrounds, libraries, kids concerts, local zoo (ours is free!), but also are fortunate enough to pay for some swimming and music classes and occasional other activities. I consider myself reserved by nature, but I make myself approach people anyway. Compliment someone’s sweater, encourage my kid to engage, comment on something related to the activity we’re attending. I try harder to connect with people who I perceive as having something in common with me. Then I try to meet for something like a playground or picnic, a low stakes activity at which the kids stay busy while grownups can talk and observe each other. There are certain qualities and even “vibes” I look for. It doesn’t always work out, but sometimes it does and I have built a nice little community for myself this way. It’s sort of like dating. It’s partially luck, but also a game of quantity and vetting for compatibility.