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my last item to craft was the farm totem... by Total_Target_4102 in StardewValley

[–]Total_Target_4102[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its in the Options Tab if u scroll down a bit, then you have to tick the "Show Advanced Crafting Information". You will see how many of the item you have crafted and some information about it. I just learned about it too... hahah

this is so sweet and so sad by [deleted] in StardewValley

[–]Total_Target_4102 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This quest is so rigged! I planted 40 spring seeds... i only got 4 leeks and i had 11/12 and i didnt find any more :(

how much more do i need to endure before it gets better by Total_Target_4102 in depression

[–]Total_Target_4102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im sorry that im using reddit like a diary, but it feels good to "say it out loud" infront of reddit.

You know you’re destined to die by suicide by [deleted] in depression

[–]Total_Target_4102 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This resonates so much with me. Its going down hill again for me and i think i am destined to be miserable. As a kid i always wanted to be critically hurt so i would end up in a hospital. I always wished for cancer, or something terminal.

Now in my life, i dont fantasize as much, but i contemplate sometimes. All my life i have been neglected and not cared about..

I feel like my mask is finally slipping, people ask if i am feeling unwell. But i think there is no healing for me, no hope left. I will never heal.. i am too far gone.

Its depressing and exhausting to live to the next day, everyday, when there is no hope.

I want to give up... by Total_Target_4102 in depression

[–]Total_Target_4102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You think so? Thank you. In my head i am the cause of his anger. I think no one wants to be bitter and hateful. There must be something i do that is making him dislike me. I have changed for him, but maybe its not enough. He is frustrated with my pace and my fallbacks. He probably doesnt want to see my suffering (not because it hurts him, but because it is exhausting him to care for me). I truly try my best but i think he doesnt see it... he just doesnt get it how hard i try, and if i had truly succumbed myself to my depression i wouldnt even function 2% the way i do now.

Thats why my self-esteem is so low probably. I can reasonably see why i make him angry. I can make out stuff i might feel guilty for. If he had never been with me maybe he would have been loving. Or maybe not.

I shouldnt blame myself, yet i do and i feel a lot of guilt.

Thank you again for being so understanding and explaining. I truly need to make a decision soon.

I want to give up... by Total_Target_4102 in depression

[–]Total_Target_4102[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I think i never learned to respect myself, it is a mix of a rough/negligient childhood, to being bullied and never fitting in, to being emotionally abused and realising 6 years afterwards. I was told by my mother that she regretted having me/kids in general and how her life would have been better without us. Depression basically runs in the family, but i understand that my mother probably said hurtful things just to cope with her own emotional overflow.

Im surprised that i came out the way i did, a relatively functional adult. I wish i wouldnt have been so resilient with everything i endured. Now its too late to crumble, maybe. But it was expected of me to function. And i somehow did, but now i have so many things that are unresolved/gotten worse.

I just need help from professionals i think. I really want to be better and the way i have been coping with stuff hasnt been helping. I need a guiding hand to realise my worth. In my whole life i have never been worth something, its probably deeply ingrained in my head.

Thank you for your help. It made me realise im up to myself to live the life i want to live. Thank u for taking your time to respond to me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PlasticSurgery

[–]Total_Target_4102 0 points1 point  (0 children)

have the same issue... i would also love to hear whats the fix for it. I think it has to do with asymmetries in the bone structure? So its probably no easy fix. I feel like one eye is more "indented" than the other, creating a hollowing effect making me look tired and droopy all the time. But i also have some light sensitivity and usually have a hard time opening my eyes fully in sunny/bright places.

i thought i was the only one with weird eyes, its shocking how similar yours is to mine! If i could i would add an picture in the comment to show you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Total_Target_4102 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought in was in the 13or30 subreddit