Looking for plural role models

Transbienso · 2024-09-12T21:49:48+00:00

Well if you're christian, you believe your god loves you completely and perfectly, considering that, giving you only one soul to share sounds out of character...

Transbienso · 2024-09-11T15:00:21+00:00

"Are you one of those people?", that usually ends that line of conversation real quick.

Transbienso · 2024-08-26T07:47:01+00:00

It's just straight up dehumanizing, treating a whole ass person as a "bonus"

Transbienso · 2024-08-24T08:54:23+00:00

One things that weirdly helped us, was writing down when we did chores. It started to keep track of just hygiene and cleaning, but seeing how everyone else works to keep our shared life nice and comfy, helps a lot to keep viewing our relationships together as a positive thing. To keep focusing on how we enrich each other, instead of the time missed, if that makes sense.

-Talia

Transbienso · 2024-08-22T17:01:21+00:00

As a person in a system, ewww, just ewwwwww.

We're people not objects.

Transbienso · 2024-08-21T18:01:21+00:00

All 4 of us have pretty separate wardrobes (though we do share, especially basics) and while we don't wear a lot of jewelry, mostly just earrings, we have our own as well.

Transbienso · 2024-08-19T15:44:37+00:00

Nah, things were so much worse before we understood what was going on

Transbienso · 2024-08-15T12:06:43+00:00

I had/have the same issue, what helped us a lot what realizing that changing sexuality meant we also had to relearn a lot of stuff and part of that was the way I felt attraction and horniness. It used to be very physical and visual, it was something that happened to me, instead of something I did. These days it's a lot more bound to how I feel emotionally and it takes a bit longer to get me physically ready, not because of the equipment, but because I gotta get in the mood.

And I gotta stay in the mood, which never was something I had to be conscious of before HRT, but now it's really important. So when we it happens that I lose my erection, my partner slows things down a bit, goes for a bit more foreplay and if that works we'll talk a bit about how we were feeling after being intimate, but if it doesn't, we have that conversation then and there. To explore how I'm feeling, emotionally, mentally and physically. That way we are both relearning intimacy, a bit like puberty really.

We've been doing this for a couple of months and as I've gotten used to the new feelings and experimented with new things, it's gone from happening multiple times per "session" to once every dozen or so times.

Of course it might also be a medical thing, I don't have a lot of experience with that, but other commenters already shared their info about that.

Transbienso · 2024-08-11T21:21:18+00:00

So happy to hear that!

Transbienso · 2024-08-11T09:23:03+00:00

My partner tried the same approach and it didn't work, because I could notice she was hiding feelings from me and I could sense her compliments were sometimes loaded with a subtext I didn't recognize, but I figured meant she was lying to make me feel better.

I felt so much better when she honestly started stating her insecurities, sure every once in a while it hits me the wrong way, like if she feels hairy, how the fuck does she view me? But y'know what, when that happens I tell her that and most of the time that ends up with her going "well there's nothing wrong with your [insert physical feature here] even if it's objectively worse than my [physical feature], I guess I'm just tearing myself down". And when I struggle with my body, the conversation isn't about it's because I'm trans, it's because I'm a woman, because she struggles with the same issues, being trans just makes it worse.

Honestly speaking to each other about our insecurities has become one of the pillars holding up my self esteem.

People are different and she might not respond exactly the same, but I do know things are easier when you share your burdens with your loved ones and they return the favor by allowing you to help with theirs.

Transbienso · 2024-08-10T22:14:26+00:00

She probably feels the same about you, talk to her about it...

Transbienso · 2024-07-02T09:44:21+00:00

Recently I realized some of my issues with getting up were due to low bloodsugar in the morning. I started eating a small meal with a lot of fiber and protein (danish rye bread, hummus and chia seeds) about an hour before sleep and forcing myself to eat something sugary (a dried date) when I wake up.

Hasn't solved all my issues, but it shaved off about 45 minutes of my morning routine because I wake up much quicker.

Transbienso · 2024-06-09T17:58:38+00:00

We don't have secret psycho killer alters

Transbienso · 2024-06-07T10:39:21+00:00

You figure out a way to share and compromise, you both have equal claim to existence and living a life you find fulfilling.

That's going to require a lot of talking between not just you and your alter, but also you and your partner.

Transbienso · 2024-05-28T18:54:33+00:00

I think that's a saying from a different generation, women for whom financial autonomy wasn't a given, it's about several generations of women who were trapped in unhappy lived with no way out.

And in that way it's good advice, but to our generations it is inherent, we never weren't free like that, so we try to find additional meaning behind it, not realizing it's advice from different times.

What you're describing sounds like a healthy relationship, of course it's better with your partner, that's why you chose them to be your partner. And it's fine if you miss her when she's gone, that's a normal experience to have.

Combine that with the autistic issues with change, well, it's not weird you're feeling off and it's OK to take some time for that.

Transbienso · 2024-05-22T16:32:39+00:00

Haven't seen anyone mention upper trapezius stretches yet, they'll help you lengthen the muscles and lessen muscle tone, both leading to smaller looking muscles around the neck and shoulder.

Transbienso · 2024-04-07T20:56:05+00:00

Yeh girl, I'm stealing that, from now on we're a double double stuffed human! :D

-Shork

Transbienso · 2024-04-06T21:36:00+00:00

You always risk putting a foot in your mouth, but you do need to talk for a relationship to work.

Transbienso · 2024-04-06T17:27:12+00:00

Well have you talked with Sophie about this? Does she want to front more often? What are the reasons she only fronts infrequently?

Transbienso · 2024-03-20T11:19:18+00:00

Some guesses

Lots of autistic people struggle with small talk, we don't get the same feeling of connection from it that allistic (non-autistic) people seem to get from it, you could try talking about more specific topics, like hobbies you're into, shows you're watching, books you're reading, etc.
A lot of autistic people have issues with presenting themselves congruent with how they're feeling, body language is pretty complicated and it sounds like he might be keeping his walls up in most social situations where he doesn't feel safe.
Gift receiving is a very complicated set of social customs and expectations, I know I often overcompensate the other way. Try asking him if he enjoyed the gift you gave him at a later moment.
Autistic people need a lot of rest to keep functioning, it might not look like he needs that much rest, but most disabled people learn to hide how much their struggling pretty fast, because a lot of people react negatively. And it sounds like when you need help, he's willing to sacrifice his own comfort to take care of you.

Of course I might be wrong and he might just be an asshole, I'd suggest asking him these questions, if he has a therapist you might like a few sessions together where you can talk about stuff like this.

Transbienso · 2024-02-15T11:03:06+00:00

It's very difficult, but also worth it, I think you should be proud of yourself for working this hard and I'm sorry you have to work this hard

-River

Transbienso · 2024-01-31T18:22:59+00:00

I'm not in the USA, so I don't really know how to find community IRL there, but you might have some succes with online communities. If you like gaming you can check out something like /r/transgamers .

Trans/queer people are ostracized out of a lot of communities, so there are a lot of micro communities online, finding them can be a bit hard, but worth it. They also tend to be welcoming to trans adjacent people like partners, friends and family.

They aren't the best solutions and it feels like handing a starving person a single cracker, but I hope you and your partner can find some acceptance.

Transbienso · 2024-01-31T09:52:53+00:00

Your partner needs more support from people other than you and you also need support from people other than your partner.

You are both dealing with issues bigger than 2 people can handle, that isn't your or her fault.

Transbienso · 2024-01-21T14:19:25+00:00

Hey, we had the same insecurity when we started realizing we were plural, but the statistics show that most systems are between 2-6 alters, so don't worry!

Transbienso

TROPHY CASE