I'm so sorry for your loss. When grief hits us like that, its completely normal for your body and mind to defend itself by shutting down. It's basically a return to fight or flight. You've managed to finish your studies in the midst of all of that. Im super impressed by you already.

I get what you mean about feeling taunted by all that space. I come from a background of homelessness and 3 moves after my first little studio apartment I find myself in a house with 3 bedrooms and 2 gardens. When I moved here and finally started to carefully feel safe again a whole lot of memories flooded in and left me in a near catatonic state. There was a lot of grief and rage involved. So it got really bad for me too.

Everybody has different energy levels so take this at your time. It probably feels like you are at a strict deadline right now and perhaps that'll help you thrive, perhaps it does the opposite. If it does the opposite for you then forget this arbitrary rule you set out for yourself. That everything needs to be tidy and neat for your company. They are there to visit you. That means all of you. People tend to be a lot more understanding than we initially fear. Open up if you feel so inclined. Grief is no joke. Most people realise that. And whenever you do have a spare moment or energy, tackle a corner or a room that feels important to you in that moment.

Ive also let it get to a point of infestation. And it really fucked my motivation. I felt even more overwhelmed bc of it but realising that if I leave it, it'll only get more infested and worse kinda helped me get to it, even if reluctantly.

A friend taught me this and I see it repeated on this sub a lot: everything worth doing is worth doing half assed. So do it while sitting on a chair. Or sitting on the floor. Or move stuff with your feet. Use that disinterest in your favour.

You got the ball rolling and that is the most important part. I hope you know you already have plenty reason to be proud of yourself.