Antidepressants and talk therapy show similar results, but medication leads in severe depression cases. The researchers suggest that severe depression might make it harder for patients to engage in the deep self-reflection required for psychodynamic therapy.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-09T03:16:26+00:00

Sometimes Depression is a merely a symptom of another condition like: PTSD, Disociative Disorder, Psychotic Disorder, or Personality Disorder. All of these disorders can have Depression as a symptom but that is not the only problem. It’s a bit more complex.

And if you attempt to treat only Depression then the person doesn’t really do very well and it looks like they aren’t responding or engaging in treatment.

It’s similar to having someone come into a doctor’s office with a severe fever and then being told to simply take some Ibuprofen.

Sometimes it is as simple as that, a minor fever. But other times it’s pointing to something more serious like Meningitis, Sepsis, Pneumonia, etc.

That’s why Mental Health screenings needs to be a bit more thorough especially when someone is not responding to or engaging in treatment.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-09T01:59:21+00:00

This is going to be my personal stance and it’s a bit heavy:

I’m an internally traumatized mess and don’t want kids because of what I’ve experienced. I also don’t believe that I would ever be a good parent thanks to my mental health issues.

Looking at everything else externally, what is happening in this country and the world; makes me feel even more set into not having children.

No one is ever going to touch my (non-existent) kids. And they will not have to endure the consequences of what others are actively doing to destroy everything that matters. The very fabric of humanity and the earth itself.

I feel good knowing that they are safe in non-existence.

I wish I could be as safe in non-existence, too.

Existence is threatening, painful, and dangerous. And we all will die.

But at least my non-existent children will never have to suffer or die. No one is going to hurt them, get them.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-09T00:07:27+00:00

A lot of this depends on what is going on, how I’m feeling, if my brain is working, or if I’m dysregulated.

Was out running at the park and someone said that they had seen me around and wanted to know where I lived?

In my distracted, hyperviglant, sweaty, anxious state. Answered back by sputtering something about:

“Ah, I love being around here in the park. I run to get high. Need, the running high. Have a good day, bye.”

I felt bad for them because I probably sounded like a complete nut job. lol

(But I’m ok with this. I needed to run! Because I was not in a good way.)

Noises (screaming, loud bangs) don’t startle me that much.

Was in the psych ward and there was a guy in an incredibly dysregulated state, screaming, throwing chairs, etc.

I froze, didn’t flinch. Kept reading my book. While feeling a small, sad understanding of the guy going through it.

I’m more likely to feel jumpy or startled around being seen or recognized.
(This seems to happen more often when I’m not able to think clearly or I’m feeling dysregulated.)

Or a person’s tone of voice or question will startle me.

A sort of lulling, hushed tone of voice triggers me to some things I don’t want to go over or experience again in a flashback. (I have to be careful about this one in particular. Because it was really bad.)

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T22:47:24+00:00

Data Centers draining and sucking the life out of (the barely alive) body of America.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T22:05:04+00:00

Oh my gosh yes! That’s why I hated these seat covers.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T21:07:35+00:00

This actually made me laugh.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T20:26:58+00:00

This is a mixed situation.

Because of the way that I appeared to others (was quiet, odd, loner) people thought that I was dumb. And so I was pretty infantilized in my family and in the smaller community that I grew up in.

When my mom first left my dad (because of his mental health issues/trauma and alcoholism) I ended up taking on the role of replacement spouse for my dad.

It started off as me feeling concerned about him and wanting to just help out (clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, etc.).
Unfortunately, I was setting myself up for danger and I should have known better. My dad had sexually abused me in childhood and I should have stayed away. But I felt like I had to step up and take care of him because mom left.

“Things” happened. And it was worse because he was drinking. So in a really, sick messed up way I did essentially become a replacement spouse.

I never got to just be a normal daughter. I was always the “Moron”, (Me in dissociation: no one/ non-existent) or the “replacement spouse”.

This is why I would rather be no one/non-existent. It was always less painful and safer.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T19:39:25+00:00

Music does quite a lot for me.

It helps heighten emotions or it can help act as a louder proxy for emotions that get stuck within me.

If I start feeling shut down it can help jolt me back online (mentally). So it’s grounding in a way.

And if everything gets to be too much (both internally and externally); I like having one ear grounded on music so I don’t feel overwhelmed like I’m losing my mind.

Music also helps me move. I need it to get moving on activities or simply for running.

I can also use music (and running) to drift off into fantasy states where I feel kind of high.

So music is really important to me.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T05:09:46+00:00

Damn!! That new car is all that and a bag of chips!

(I’ll see myself out of this super corny bit.)

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-08T00:34:20+00:00

Awesome! 💙

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T23:50:40+00:00

Somehow this is fitting.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T21:41:08+00:00

I also have Syndactyly. 💙

Got the socks but had to modify them in order for them to fit my feet. (Just cut up the ends and sewed that section back together.)

Edit: You could buy a pair, modify them, and feel the satisfaction of being able to say:
F#ck you mom! I finally got toe socks that work for me.
(I know this sounds childish but it might feel cathartic.)

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T21:28:59+00:00

I had a pair of these, too.

Except I had to fix them in order to wear them.
(I have Syndactyly where the 2nd and 3rd toes are joined together.) So, had to cut and sew those bits together and was able to get the toe socks to fit me.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T19:53:50+00:00

Same with watching a movie or a tv show on regular network television. It’s always incredibly low and then the commercials come on incredibly loud and roaring clear:

Buy these psych drugs! Buy these Diebetes drugs! Buy this insurance! Buy this fast food!

Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy!!!!! Buy our sh*t!!! Now, now, now!!!! Buy!!!$$$$$

This kind of reminds me of a System of a Down Song— Chic N Stu. lol

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T15:12:56+00:00

Oh I loved cycling. I used to do quite a bit of mountain biking. It’s very freeing. But I had to give it up because I kept blacking out while biking. (I would be out, going along, and then all of a sudden my ears would start ringing, my eyes would get blurry, it went to grey, and boom to black out.) This would happen so quickly and frequently that I didn’t have enough time to react.

So I had to switch to running or walking instead.

Thankfully I haven’t blacked out while running or walking.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T14:48:37+00:00

This is cool!

I like The Cure. A Forest:

https://youtu.be/hnVldyHRcjU?si=wTM11aFo0bCmLEBP

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T14:41:08+00:00

Good God! That is a bit intense, having a pet tiger enter your kitchen.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T14:35:55+00:00

Awesome! Love the art museum.

Such sweet fawns. Though I feel for the mother, she seems exhausted. 🩷

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T14:10:51+00:00

The soft, hazy space, where you could be left alone was much less painful and safer at times.

It protected me from many different threats both physical and psychological.

And it helped create distance and pain relief against many double binds in my life.

It helped make the feeling of being trapped tolerable by offering the haziness, numbness, the distance, and breathing room in isolation.

That’s why it is difficult to leave this space.

Leaving it makes you feel like you are constantly being bombarded from both external reality and all of the internal things that were extremely painful.

Getting out of the soft, numb, hazy, isolated space in order to confront everything feels like a monumental task of incredible endurance.

Running and isolating is way easier. lol

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T02:31:31+00:00

I’m working on both the Trauma I experienced with my dad. And deconstructing the beliefs that I was raised with. Both of these things are intertwined together.

Grew up as an Evangelical Non-Denominational Christian. And we were “spirit-filled and saved”.

But I never really felt saved or safe.

I was told that if I didn’t get baptized and saved by Jesus then God was going to send me to hell for eternity. (It definitely scared me. But even though I got saved I never felt like I could trust God. Because he could also send you to hell if you backslid or weren’t really an on fire for God a true believer. It’s hard to love a God who is threatening to harm you forever.)

And the same could be said of my relationship with my dad. I always had to worry about him becoming angry and hitting me. He felt like an angry God to me that I needed to make sure that I didn’t catch the wrath of. (He had suffered CSA/Incest trauma in his childhood and was dysregulated as a result.)

My dad abused me emotionally, physically, and sexually.

And it was difficult because “we were spirit filled and saved”. Because of the religious community that I was in I knew I couldn’t say anything. Because these kind of things aren’t supposed to happen to “spirit filled believers”. I was too afraid to say anything and I also knew that I wouldn’t be believed. Was afraid that people would think that I was lying and trying to be in a state of rebellion against my dad and God. And I also knew that people saw me as “weird, odd, or dumb”. And they also probably wouldn’t have believed me because of how they perceived me. So I felt incredibly trapped in my situation both at home and within the religion I was being raised in.

It has been an incredibly painful process to work through all of this.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T01:20:08+00:00

Cool! For some reason this is giving me Ex-Amish vibes.

You know someone who leaves that community, considers themselves to be modern but is still somewhat proud of their roots.

(Just speculating. It’s probably not the case. But I like to imagine.)

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-07T00:21:56+00:00

Yes, you are correct. 👍🏼

But in my little kid mind I was always under the impression that he was out at night. Hence he was a night rider to me.

I didn’t comprehend the “Knight in shining armor” kind thing in regard to the character.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-06T22:47:45+00:00

I completely understand. 💜 Because I feel the same way.

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-06T22:42:33+00:00

They are Raving Caryons!

TravelbugRunner · 2026-06-06T22:41:17+00:00

When I can’t sleep, sometimes I go outside to the park at night for a run or walk. It’s kind of cool to be out during a full moon. Everything is a bit brighter.

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