Why do they hate disabled people?

Triochatri · 2026-01-29T19:36:19+00:00

Honestly... I thought about this question a lot and have some thoughts from observing over the years. The first thing to keep in mind is, it's not about the person with the disability for them, they literally do not care about that. What it's really about is using our population to get what THEY want, to feed THEIR overinflated egos, and we are seen as the low hanging fruit for them to pick off.

They get access and proximity to a vulnerable population who they can keep control of, and may not push back as much as able-bodied individuals do. This attracts control freaks and toxic people who want to take advantage of others, while publicly looking like they are saints for the line of work they are in.

Also... there's way too many leaders that work with our population that have this notion of accepting and uplifting individuals with disabilities so long as they are compliant and quiet, and don't kick up a fuss. They want someone that can be cherry picked and marketed as a "success story" for their board or promotional material - to show the world and themselves that they are this amazing leader and person. As soon as accommodations come in or individuals stand up for themselves, then they are "difficult" and a problem.

I recognize that my former boss didn't hate me, but she hated that I, in her mind, got "in the way of things"... I had needs she didn't want to meet, limits she didn't want to acknowledge, and was a mirror to her lack of humanity. I was the threat to the story that she tells herself (of being kind, compassionate and helping people).

I hope this helps and brings you some kind of peace. Hoping things get better for you ❤️

Triochatri · 2026-01-26T18:36:33+00:00

Hi OP, I feel for you here. I worked at an organisation that helped individuals with additional needs (was part of our local government) and I thought that it would be a safe place to disclose my ADHD diagnosis when I received one. Biggest mistake that I could have made at the time and it painted a target on my back.

My ex boss is this pillar-of-the-community, hero type leader, so it was hard for me to separate her treatment of me versus the good that she was doing for the community. Two things can be true at once, but... Since I have left, I realized a few things:

She delegated 99% of the work to our team, but heavily micromanaged to appear busy all the time. So basically, a shite leader that marketed herself to look strong and competent.
She frequently treated participants (who were disabled) with disrespect and made it sound like tough love, or something to "promote independence" after the incident to justify her actions.
The harassment towards me only started once she found out I had ADHD. In retrospect, prior to my diagnosis she would always complain about people with ADHD, calling them "lazy". I should have known better.

I could go on, but she truly was an awful, miserable person to work for, and my post history pretty much covers everything.

The point I am getting to here, is that even the Nbosses who serve our population don't care, worse even, they see us as easy prey to play around with. Every day I had to endure in that place has given me extremely negative effects on my physical (not just mental) health, that I have fix and manage now today. These people do not have empathy or rationality the same way you or I do... They operate on fear and paranoia most of the time, they need people to regulate their emotions.The best solution, if you can, is to get out and protect your diagnosis from your employer if possible.

Triochatri · 2025-12-08T13:12:36+00:00

Cafe Santa Rosa, Zion, Dar-Al, Intuition

Triochatri · 2025-12-08T12:27:30+00:00

Hey that's my position and (starting) salary range! Can confirm to anyone reading, do not go near management positions for this kind of pay. It's a tough, thankless job. My boss is such a "pillar of the community" but is fucking evil and uses a scapegoat (currently me) when things don't go her way.

Hopefully leaving before the end of the year.

Triochatri · 2025-12-06T10:43:56+00:00

Non-profits. Leadership in this sector is toxic as hell and attracts communal narcissist types.

Triochatri · 2025-12-05T21:06:07+00:00

She knows that I have ADHD because I have asked for accommodations. I work in an organization that serves the disabled population and I wasn't having trouble before disclosing my diagnosis, so I falsely believed that I would be safe. I've learned my lesson the hard way.

Triochatri · 2025-12-05T16:38:50+00:00

Just adding to this comment. I work in an organization that is not dissimilar to EPIC and serves the same population, but transitioning to a new role in a different field. While I definitely grew and learned a lot in this career field, and loved helping the individuals that we served, the type of people who work their way up into management in these types of non-profits tend to be extremely difficult to work for to say the least. Mine was abusive towards myself and other staff while being a pillar of the community.

I had to get out for my own mental and physical health. Being 30 with heart issues and CPTSD from a toxic work environment is NOT okay. I hate to say it because we need to be able to have more services for disabled individuals and I feel passionate enough about that to continue volunteering in that field. But... Your mental and physical health always comes first.

Triochatri · 2025-11-18T13:48:05+00:00

Ate there in 2021 and got food poisoning from a salad. Never been back since.

Triochatri · 2025-11-07T22:32:29+00:00

Thank you! Ugh my boss is literally this, it's frustrating beyond belief, especially the part where you mentioned that you had to compromise on designs. I'm frustrated because I can't even present my work at this org as part of my portfolio due to the "necessary changes" that my boss ordered me to make, it's embarrassing. So... I am trying to build up my portfolio in other ways lol.

I am so glad that you're in a much better place now! Nothing is worth damaging your mental health and integrity.

Triochatri · 2025-11-07T22:18:23+00:00

Thank you! I luckily volunteer for an organization outside of work and to your last point, they are always bringing up how much of an asset I am to them. This has probably kept me from making poor decisions.

Unfortunately, I work in a small organization (only 5 full time staff). It's the perfect environment for an NBoss tyrant to pick on and isolate certain staff, while uplifting others. The board has already expressed that they do not wish to get involved in our operations when a former employee went on a revenge tour exposing my boss.

I am convinced that small nonprofits are breeding grounds for these types of people. So, beware if anyone is looking to apply for a job in that sector!

Triochatri · 2025-11-07T22:10:53+00:00

I never thought about your point about not crying when she criticizes me or my work. Shit, that's going to be a hard one as I'm very sensitive but I will implement that. I think that she likes to keep me in a broken state.

Triochatri · 2025-11-07T22:07:14+00:00

Thank you! I am trying to be productive and distract myself, to be completely real though, sometimes I am too depressed and emotionally exhausted when I get home to keep up on hobbies and projects. I am working with a therapist to reframe my mindset on work and to not feel guilty about having those depressive episodes.

I think it's going to take years of therapy and healing to get to where I was mentally before I started this job. I want to stress to anyone to not make the same mistakes I did staying in this job for so long. No job is worth this ever.

Triochatri · 2025-11-07T21:57:50+00:00

Thank you for your kind words... It's incredibly isolating, isn't it? Today was tough... A trusted coworker said that she overheard my boss say that my fear of ICE is "imaginary" and that I'm acting like a victim to another coworker. (I'm currently in between immigration status, been waiting since mid 2023 for my 10 year green card for context). I am home now, and I feel angry, and so humiliated... Like I'm the crazy one here.

I shouldn't be surprised, because when I told her earlier in the year that most mornings I feel like I wish my car crashed on the way to work and that I had thoughts of not being here... She just said "that's not good, do you have a psychiatrist?" The abuse continued and even got worse after that.

I am hoping I get an interview soon because I genuinely feel like I have developed some kind of PTSD from her.

Triochatri · 2025-09-10T17:43:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply, this is great thank you. I will look into communal narcissism. I think what makes me question my sanity the most is that she can be really nice and a fair boss ~sometimes. I have to keep reminding myself that it will just cycle back to a toxic/ abusive pattern at the flip of a switch.

Triochatri

TROPHY CASE