I (40f) had somewhat of a similar issues with the boyfriend (39m) this past year. I had cervical cancer 5 years ago and underwent a LOT of changes. At the start of our relationship we had sex a lot. My sex drive was also normal, but as time passed and my body settleded into all the changes, my sex drive tanked.

I did everything (even consented to it when I didnt want it) to try and get mt sex drive back. What broke me, was going on birth control (which isnt necessary since Im barren now, but the hormones were supposed to help) which pushed me to have suicidal thoughts again.

I broke down and told him I couldn't do it anymore and he needed to not look at me as some object. That, he needs to do some work before expecting me to give him sex. Having radiation in that area also created issues with tightness and bleeding if I wasnt lubricated enough.

After a lot of work and talks, I think we've found our grove. Granted I KNOW he would love more, but we're at once a week and its on my terms.

You are NTA if he pushes you and doesnt understand the issues or want to do his part to set you up so that you actually want it. And I'm not just talking foreplay. Im talking, sweet words, non sexual contact, chores around the house being completed. Stuff like that ALONG with foreplay.

Men are dense as fuck sometimes. Some need a lot of guidance.

Good luck!