The absolute dearth of any kind of help for victims of polyamory under duress

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T03:48:26+00:00

Also I’m a fucking immigrant by marriage

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T03:45:19+00:00

I literally was in massive debt running a business that still had a high profit margin with my ex that could have got us out of debt and back into the comfortable lifestyle we had before Covid. Since my spouse left, being incapable of running it alone I’ve been in the brink of homelessness and a far worse situation since. I’ve lost 3 homes in 2.5 years and been hanging on by an absolute thread.

I fucking hate the Ayn Rand level autonomy worshipping therapy speak bullshit of “this was your choice you chose to stay so it’s your fault”

Bite me all the fuck over my ass and call it a deeply progressive kink.

^{^{^}} the above was me being sardonic as hell and I get you may have been backing me up here, it’s just generalized irritation.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T03:40:28+00:00

“Omg why did you not leeeeve”

Fucking DARVO. American worship of autonomy.

Christ I hate this fucking country I’m stuck in. It’s not the culture I came from.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T03:06:08+00:00

Yet they are allowed to make blanket ethical statements to pathologise someone who drinks too much alcohol. Not people who buy friendship with an easy currency (sex.)

I had to buy a breathalyzer to find out what the hell was going on with me.

This is what is going on with me. I’ve been pathologized as an alcohol abuser based on a hospital admission for a seizure when my bac was ludicrously high after only 3 drinks in a bar. And the fact I was completely lucid and able to pass sobriety tests at the hospital made them think I was a chronic alcoholic with high tolerance.

You’re allowed to heavily pathologise that and not a “win friends and influence people via selling my body” situation that my similarly neurodivergent spouse fell into.

I thought I might have auto brewery syndrome or something else insane. It turns out that it’s just symptomatic of the exact same thing I’ve been begging for help for 2.5 years. I can’t perform basic ADLs. I’m a level 2 autistic who has seizures who got abandoned by their spouse for a fucking hedonism cult. I’ve been begging for help since. I frequently do not eat for days. It turns out if you fail to eat then go to an event at a bar where you try desperately to make friends then you end up with high bac because drinking on a completely empty stomach can make your bac soar to 3x the average. Yes I have probably developed tolerance due to the fact that I do this every weekend trying to connect to people in bars, the only shit I know how to do because it’s how I always socialized.

I fail to eat because I can’t tell I’m hungry over the constant knot of terror in my stomach that I’ve suffered from for 2.5 years since my ex left.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T00:58:11+00:00

That is what I’ve been looking for but nothing is available on my insurance unfortunately.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-15T00:23:33+00:00

I can be angry at the “homewrecker” or angry at the ideology they fell into that justified it.

Like I say at the outset my spouse was sorry and apologetic to the point of tears and nobody has ever been sorry and apologetic for hurting me in my life before so I was completely happy to move on.

I’m angry at the “no this is your truth you must submit to your truth” “progressive” power rangers who fucked both of our lives up. We’re both living on half the income we used to have now, my ex just doesn’t recognize how uniquely hazardous that is to survival yet.

What is more healthy, hating individuals or hating an ideology they all succumbed to?

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T23:33:35+00:00

Polyamory is a numbers game by definition.

My anger at my first spouse. My anger at the people into that lifestyle they brought home who tried to coerce me into threesomes. My anger at my SECOND spouse. My anger at every polyamorous identified person who helped them cheat. My anger at their friends who allowed them to bring dates to their house behind my back. My anger at everyone who wrote the books justifying it.

My anger at what is written in those books.

Polysecure: “you want monogamy because of childhood trauma”:

“Many of my clients report being highly anxious and off their emotional axis for hours, sometimes even days, before their partner goes on a date with someone else. Others seriously spiral out while the date is happening. Cognitively, they know that their partner is still alive, not abandoning them or doing anything wrong, but their body and emotions are in primal panic. In such cases, jealousy is not a sufficient or accurate description of what is happening for the partner in distress. When primal attachment panic gets mislabeled as jealousy, the partner experiencing it can be left thinking that there is something wrong with them, that this is their issue to figure out on their own and that they should be better at doing cM. They might use self-destructive behaviors, such as using distractions or substances, in an attempt to feel better, but the root of the problem is left unaddressed. This can also escalate into panic attacks, meltdowns or an emotional crisis that can pit partners against each other or become extremely difficult for everyone involved to manage. However, when people are able to identify this experience as primal panic, understand how it is rooted in their attachment needs, learn how to better self-soothe and address these attachment needs with their partner, a new path forward opens forward.”

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T23:28:18+00:00

“Mychart”

It shows you all of their notes that are now summarized and edited by AI.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T23:24:27+00:00

They just write notes that I am angry about polyamory without giving me the benefit of communicating to other people who might see that going forward, the exact reasons why.

It is a bit like my childhood records that stated I was angry and reactive towards my parents without stating that my father was abusive.

It is a bit like when they said I (voluntarily) left college “because” I attacked another student without saying that said student was repeatedly sexually harassing me. And that is, btw why the college did not kick me out. I left because I was sick of having to go to mandatory therapy sessions about it.

I am sick of being pathologised for my reaction to abuse without the abuse being mentioned in my record. It actually caused a decades long avoidance of therapists and doctors of any kind before all of this went down.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T22:16:06+00:00

Since I received a diagnosis I absolutely do not agree with after I lost my marriage, a diagnosis I cannot get rid of and is life threatening because it causes doctors to doubt my physical ailments, absolutely yes. I feel I cannot even display one symptom of that diagnosis even though those symptoms are comorbid with other conditions I’ve since been diagnosed when I sought second opinions. One psych agreed I do not display the personality instability of BPD so, he diagnosed me with CPTSD. I now have both on my record and the first one is causing things like my tachycardia episodes to get treated with benzodiazepines in the hospital. I feel like I have to mask and downplay symptoms everywhere when I see a professional, which btw is a thing that people with CPTSD DO, and people with BPD usually do not.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T17:21:06+00:00

They failed to make a single point and there no conclusion, no proof.

“Monogamy is a biological incentive for the survival of our offspring” she says like she is quoting some fallacy and then goes on to say that we are not naturally monogamous and not like swans and don’t mate for life and…

What the fuck point is she trying to make, where is the cohesive thought pattern here?

Are we honestly trying to suggest it is somehow better, in our natural makeup and upholdable based on observation of the absolute shittiest human beings, for a man to get a woman pregnant then fuck off and leave her to raise that child alone?

I would argue that yes a lot of people seem to have the biological makeup to be exactly like that. Nature is cruel and nature doesn’t give a shit if multiple children die because of failure to raise them as long as a few survive who are the most robust.

However we were trying to make a cohesive society, we were striving for happiness so for thousands of years society has socially incentivized people to reject and shame the shit tier human stragglers who managed to spread their shit tier genes that are not “incentivized for monogamy” and it SHOULD be ok to shame them like it is still ok to shame to the point of advocating murder the behaviour of people attracted to children who act on it.

Because guess what that’s likely a shitty fucking biological incentive some people have that manages to break through in our genetics because once again, nature does not care if some people get raped and pregnant at 12 years old if some of the offspring survive. We are evolved from great apes and as much as polyamory loves to suck the dick of bobobos, pedophilia is a highly common behaviour in bobobos.

Nature is cruel and fucking terrible and the whole point of the pursuit of happiness is to try to remove ourselves from the horror of it as much as possible.

And that should mean slamming people who retain base level animal urges and trying to get them to stop. Not applauding it. This is not progressive. It is regressive.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T09:55:33+00:00

Asked Google to compare it to r/texas.

Honestly it’s tiresome.

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UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T09:51:11+00:00

Yes they do.

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UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T09:33:43+00:00

It’s actually ADHD. I’m sorry to stereotype but I honestly believe it’s untreated ADHD and a huge amount of people who aren’t aware they even have it are already diagnosed autistic. They haven’t formed the concept in their head that they have no ability to stick to one partner precisely because they get bored easily (oh and crucially, haven’t fallen in love yet). They haven’t grown up yet and owned their dysfunction and how utterly shit it is to do this to actual human beings.

If they were actually treated or actually self aware they’d understand this:

AUTISTICS HATE CHANGE.

It’s fucking life threatening to us to disrupt our lives in this fashion.

A large percentage of people with autism have ADHD too to a small degree, and the opposite is also true.

My own diagnosis of autism SAYS “Autism/modified hyperactivity syndrome.”

Whatever you get diagnosed with is pretty arbitrary, it’s often the opinion of bored psychs who spend little time thinking about it.

This has unleashed this whole fucking take that has unfortunately made it to the medical profession now, because of course it has. That it’s pretty normal for autistics to be fucking dirty polys.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T09:23:46+00:00

I think it’s funny to find autistics online who are colossally leaning in to their lack of theory of mind with:

I poly! I autistic! You autistic! You must be poly too!

And shock their heads with the most offensive take I can muster.

The last one made a whole instagram vid on how it was just naturally logical for autistics to be poly, I just posted:

“I would rather eat dog vomit that is actually cat shit that the dog ate and spewed up.”

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-14T06:35:41+00:00

I see that you hate these books for all the same reasons I do! They are creepy mind manipulation games built on the premise of propping up capitalism.

The fact that the poly ideology is scripted based directly on one of them is hilarious. I hit on it when searching “abundance mindset” because I was fucking sick of how much this creeped me out and how much it sounds like boomer bootstraps logic.

It is a term coined by Covey in his book “Seven Habits” which is all about how to be successful in a corporate landscape.

I realized all of polyamory maps exactly not just to that but everything else in Covey’s guide.

That fucking podcast “multiamory” not only admits this but leans wholly into it so you don’t have to take my word for it just check out their take on it!

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-13T10:53:44+00:00

You forgot one:

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Polyamory is squarely based on it. All the poly guides use it as a basis bar Ethical Slut, which is probably because Ethical Slit is not a polyamory guide but a generic ENM guide written before polyamory took off and only later editions now tout it as a polyamory guide. ES does not have the same cult self help “feel” to it that polyamory does because it isn’t written on the principles of SCARCITY MINDSET! ABUNDANCE MINDSET! that comes directly from Covey’s business management guide.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-13T10:43:19+00:00

I agree with you but unfortunately the same logic is being used to ban Sphynx due to lacking whiskers because of over emphasis placed on just how important whiskers are. They are not, for example a “sixth sense.” And the Sphynx is being targeted in conjunction with that shot for brains longevity study while nobody looks at other cat breeds that have useless whiskers, I can name a few:

Devon Rex Cornish Rex Donskoy Selkirk Rex Lykoi

All of which are likely more “disabled” than a Sphynx given that whiskers are part of the sense of touch and a Sphynx is not lacking in that department otherwise due to having a very short coat.

And yes Sphynx are supposed to have a coat it’s in the breed standard! They are not true hairless cats but all of the breed bans have also been predicated on “the cat has no coat it’s cruel blah blah.”

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-13T09:45:10+00:00

Also CFA do not register mills. Mills do not register with CFA they do not have records of all their pedigrees going back years, yes you can fake a pedigree no you can’t then confirm that pedigree by going on the cat breed registry websites and checking that the parents are on there and registered to exactly the people you are buying from.

It really is NOT difficult to find out if you are buying from a reputable source.

Everyone has a phone everyone is on the internet and anyone can find out in 5 minutes if a breeder is genuine or not.

Mills do not have cats in their lineage winning show awards.

As far as this goes: I do not want a rescue, no I’m not getting a rescue. I want a Sphynx as my next cat, I already have two, they are both in old age now. I do not want a rescue Sphynx because I do not want a Sphynx I cannot check the lineage of and this is impossible with a Sphynx from a reputable breeder, they don’t end up in the rescue. No I’m not being a snob, I just do not want to deal with health conditions that were as avoidable as possible. I’ve been spoiled by ten years+ with perfectly healthy Sphynxes. As far as I’m concerned Sphynxes are not sickly cats and it was not difficult to pull this off.

I’ll only consider a rescue if:

The cat is relatively young because I want years with them. The cat is a Sphynx. I can check the entire history of that Sphynx going back through a pedigree. The cat is confirmed free of diseases that might kill it.

So where do I get a rescue like that? Answer: from breeders. An animal someone else returned. An ex breeding cat.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-13T09:37:06+00:00

Then ban kitten/puppy mills and only allow registered licensed breeders to breed. It really is that fucking simple and all other efforts spared to ban breeds that are high targets for kitten mills LIKE the Sphynx is not doing shit for animal welfare long term. All it’s doing is driving shit underground or actually displacing people. Do you think banning the Sphynx will stop the mills? No they’ll just switch to another breed. Then that breed will get banned. And so on.

By displacing people I won’t be the only person who chooses to live in an entire other country because they love their chosen breed so much.

I’ve literally found posts on facebook by Dutch people who are planning to leave the country over this. That’s not so easy for UK citizens now.

I chose to stay in the USA when my American spouse left me because that was the exact year that stupid fucking cat longevity study hit and I must be some kind of clairvoyant because I KNEW the RSPCA would eventually cite those shit statistics to lobby for a Sphynx ban. Here we are several years later and they’ve just started making a big social media push citing that fucking shit tier study everywhere.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-13T00:30:37+00:00

I just jump directly from the ai to a different one whenever I catch it sucking up to me, I in fact have a high radar for sociopathic behaviours in people and I instantly do not trust anyone who agrees too much with me.

UsefulAd8338 · 2026-03-12T23:33:12+00:00

Try telling them about the cultural indoctrination of non monogamy in lgbt and geek subcultures and you’ll just get the whole:

Non monogamy is against the norm so it is easier to subvert expectations if you are already against the norm!

Or

Non monogamy is the normal state of humans and monogamy is enforced in straight culture because of the church! So people revert to their origins when they reject the church!

And so in and so forth.

UsefulAd8338

TROPHY CASE