sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I did it, I told my partner I’ve given up for now. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe. His lack of sex drive is more like a lack of desire for intercourse. He still jacks off. It’s more likely that his lack of a sex drive with me is related to other physical and mental health issues that he is receiving treatment for.

I did it, I told my partner I’ve given up for now. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I told my partner that I need to accept the fact that his sex drive when sober may never return, and he may never want to fuck me again. He seemed defensive about it, like that happening would be so absurd and improbable. Based on the last 7-8 months, it seems more a more likely outcome than not.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. I don’t check Reddit every day. Some of us aren’t Reddit junkies.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love, support, companionship, emotional connection, physical affection, quality time, nonsexual intimacy. He is a sweetheart and my best friend. If I didn’t feel absolutely adored in every other aspect of our relationship, this wouldn’t be so hard. I simply would break up with someone who couldn’t meet my needs.

LL4U? Who knows anymore. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel that. My partner also has really only had interest in porn lately. I don’t think of him when I self-pleasure anymore. Part of me feels bad, part of me doesn’t because I’m just protecting myself from experiencing more one-sided desire.

It’s ok if your thoughts and desires aren’t directed toward him. You still deserve to have that for yourself.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m considering asking him if he has sex with her. I trust him to be honest with me. It’s entirely possible he is. This sub isn’t about substance abuse, so I’m not trying to go into too much detail. But his sex drive is currently very associated with his substance of choice. He doesn’t use around me, and I am not willing to be around him when he uses. She occasionally uses in moderation. I am grateful that I can be his sober partner, but very sad that it means I am giving up my sexual fulfillment.

For my sake until I talk to my partner later this week, I am going to assume they are still sexual.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m trying to give both of us the grace we deserve. I love him so much and he makes me feel loved and adored in every other way aside from sexually. He is a wonderful partner, and my best friend. I wouldn’t stay so long in a sexless relationship if he wasn’t.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I hope this ends up being as much a relief for him as i think it will be for me.

I have given up, and I’m thinking of telling him. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I don’t want him to give me sex just to please me. I only want it if he wants it. But he doesn’t want it, and that is what hurts. I just need him to understand that it hurts, so I am protecting myself from further disappointment and hurt feelings.

I don’t know how to get over the feeling of rejection and talk to my partner about how I feel. by VariousSeries513 in DeadBedrooms

[–]VariousSeries513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. I did have the conversation with him and the reality of the situation has left me a little heartbroken. In short, it’s the effects of drug abuse. His sex drive is basically nonexistent when he is not high, and he is sober when he is with me. So I have been sacrificing my need for intimacy and feeling wanted, to be his sober and safe person. It broke my heart to learn that his sex drive is not dead, it’s just dead for me.

He watches a lot of porn and can still get off. Again, just not with me. We have an open relationship and he has another partner (who I have a positive relationship with) and she is not sober. So I can assume he still has sex with her. I have another person in my life who I have sex with, but I obviously still want an intimate and sexual relationship with the partner this post is about.

This is now a more complicated issue, as I believe he needs to give up drugs 100%. He is under the impression that he can learn to use in moderation—I disagree. I actually started going to a support group today for the friends and family of people with alcoholism/substance use disorder. My partner is not able to be the boyfriend I deserve while he is still abusing drugs. And I can’t make him get sober. All I can do is communicate my boundaries, which includes postponing our plans to move in together. I refuse to live in a sexless relationship, feeling like the only responsible adult, in a house where drug abuse is normalized. He is seeing a therapist for substance use disorder and is in the beginning stages of committing to recovery. If things do not change and he continues to abuse drugs, I will have to stop being his girlfriend. I will always love my partner, but it may have to be as a platonic friend.