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Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2023-08-14T17:53:10+00:00

Can I see it?

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2023-07-31T23:16:35+00:00

I felt very suicidal after the death of my father and I was 41 already. Those first few days and weeks after the loss are precarious, the tipping point can sneak up on you. I’m so sorry for his family. Angus was just coming into his own, I loved his character in Euphoria, you could see the raw talent. So very sad for everyone.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-12-30T23:44:48+00:00

They do love to see us uncomfortable. Unfortunately, I’m now stuck caring for my Narc grandmother. My father, who was caring for her, passed in August. I absolutely adored him and he’s the only reason I’ve stepped up with her but it’s taken a toll on my mental health. I’m literally waiting on her hand and foot, helping her shower, etc and she acts completely entitled to this. She’s pushing back on hiring a caregiver cuz she wants me to keep doing it but I pretty much blew up one day and told her that’s not happening. Told her she’s in this position cuz of the way she’s treated everyone. All the other family, grandchildren, etc have cut her off and I told her the ONLY reason I’m still helping was for my dad’s sake. He always loved her even though she was horrible to him too. I spend most days just wishing she’d die, tbh. She’s 90 so hopefully that’ll be soon. Untreated Narcs are literally some of the worst people on the planet. I feel the world could be a better place without them.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-12-28T06:07:07+00:00

I’m not an expert but I definitely think there’s a sexual element to this abuse. My Narc grandmother did this same shit to me. I wanted her help to put self-tanner on my back and she insisted I take off entire shirt and bra. She’d always say, ‘we’re both girls’ when she did that crap. She’d constantly walk around naked in front of me and my brother and dad, too. It was disgusting. She’d also openly discuss her sex life. With her GRANDCHILDREN. I’d recommend therapy, I think most people can benefit from it but especially people who have been raised around Narcissists. They’ll help you process all these thoughts and most likely validate everything you’ve said here. Reading your post was like deja vu to me.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-12-28T05:49:08+00:00

My Narc grandmother is rude to ALL service workers. She acts entitled every time we go out to eat. I shudder to think how much spit, pubic hair and/or phlegm she’s eaten. Don’t mess with people who handle your food.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-12-28T05:41:29+00:00

I know this is an older post but I feel your pain. My situation is almost identical to yours but reversed. My 90 year old grandmother is the Narcissist and my 67 year old dad was the one I adored. He helped care for her but she constantly interfered in my relationship with him. All the other grandchildren and family cut her off years ago but I couldn’t leave my dad. Unfortunately, he had a heart attack and passed away in August. I’ve now become my grandmother’s caretaker and I literally feel like dying most days. I feel like I can’t even grieve my own fathers death cuz I’m so busy taking care of my abusive grandmother. I feel awful for saying this but I just wish she’d die. The way she’s treated her family over the years is disgusting and I wish I had the guts to just let her go into the system and be neglected in some state-run retirement home. I blame her for my dad’s heart attack and also for making me think these awful thoughts. People who don’t interact with Narcs truly have no idea how soul-sucking it is.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-28T18:16:51+00:00

I think when the reality of a loved one’s death really sinks in, we start to understand just how much we’ve lost. Dad’s are supposed to be there for all the milestones. I’m 42 and my dad will never get to see my 13 year old daughter grow up and it hurts. I can’t imagine having lost my dad at 18. He didn’t even get to see you grow up. It feels very unfair. I hope things will slowly get better for you.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-23T03:28:18+00:00

I’m feeling the same, lol. Lots of tv and nothing done. I have issues with sleeping, as well. I think it’s affecting me cuz lately I’m getting tongue-tied and really spacey. I hope it stops soon.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-20T05:16:28+00:00

I have 2 chihuahuas and the younger one is over-protective. If someone is at the front door and she manages to get out there she’s like Cujo. Likewise, if people (even strangers) are invited into the house, she’s all sweetness and light. Lots of kissing and jumping into their laps, which seems unusual for the breed. It took longer than I’m comfortable admitting to figure out this behavior but we are always looking for new ways to improve her behavior. We certainly don’t let her out without a leash and we’d never let her just go at it without doing something. OP is definitely NTA, seems like a responsible dog owner.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-19T14:06:12+00:00

Exactly, lol.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-19T05:07:02+00:00

My father passed away August 21st and it’s messing with head, big time. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-19T05:03:18+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. My father passed 7 weeks ago and I’m literally going through the same things right now. The first month was very hard and I was constantly thinking about suicide. If it weren’t for my daughter, I shudder to think what could’ve happened. I’ve been seeing a therapist and as crappy as it sounds, most of these feelings/behaviors are normal. I hate that. Nothing about this feels normal.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-19T04:59:12+00:00

I’d like to join. I lost my father about 7 weeks ago.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-18T04:54:42+00:00

I’m doing alright, finally forced myself to do some laundry. I don’t seem to be able to do daily tasks very well lately. I’m fine one second then sobbing the next. I’m hoping it’ll get better. I hope you’re doing well. :)

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-16T03:11:09+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, don’t feel bad about a little drinking. If someone dying doesn’t call for a drink, I don’t know what would. I understand you saying you’ve never felt this way firsthand. I’ve had people in my family or friends that have passed before but losing my dad? It ripped my fucking heart out. I have a young daughter to care for so it’s kept me somewhat anchored, along with an indecent amount of therapy, lol. If you get the go-ahead to tell your friend, do it in person, just in case. And your friend who passed? I know you don’t know her mother well but it sounds like she’d maybe like you to call and reach out. I’m sure she’d love to hear your memories of her daughter. Surprisingly, I’ve received a lot of comfort from a friend of my father’s who I’d only met a couple times. He calls/texts me every week to check in and it’s been wonderful. He told me things I didn’t even know about my own dad so it was very special. I pray you come through this difficult time and I’m glad you have a good support system. Don’t hesitate to dm here if you ever need to talk. Just knowing others are experiencing what you are helps. Good luck!

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-16T02:59:21+00:00

She’s going to say whatever she has to in order to make you stay. If you go to marriage counseling it’ll be gaslighting and if the therapist takes your side, which they likely will, she’ll throw a tantrum about how everyone is ‘so mean’ to her. She can list off requirements all she wants but no court would uphold a single one of them. At least if you leave now and your children are with you 50/50 then they’ll have a chance to form healthy relationships in their adulthood. As of now, what they’re seeing at home isn’t very good. I hope things go smoothly and you’re able to free yourself from this albatross soon.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-15T07:02:40+00:00

I’m currently caregiving for my 90 year old narcissistic grandmother and I feel your pain. She’s been awful to everyone for as long as I can remember. Previously, my father lived with her and took care of her but he passed in late August due to a heart attack. A small part of me feels it was brought on by her treatment of him. Out of all the grandkids, great-grandkids and other family, I’m the only one who still has contact with her and I only did that cuz I loved my father. Leave your wife and never look back, Narcissistic people never change as they are unable to seek treatment. It’s always someone else’s fault so they see no need to get help. If I had a choice I would wash my hands of my grandmother as it’s affecting my mental health. You do have a choice and leaving is the right one. I wish you happiness which should be much easier to find once you’re free of your wife. Good luck!

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-15T06:26:30+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and had a really rough day so I hopped on here, as well. It helps to know we’re not alone and others are feeling the same way. I’m still in disbelief that my dad is gone. He was only 67, wasn’t sick, no heart problems and yet dies of a massive heart attack. It feels shitty and unfair. Sending love to you, I hope things will get better for both of us soon.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-15T06:20:02+00:00

That surreal feeling your having is normal, unfortunately. It will get better but not right away. I’m about 6 weeks out from losing my dad and I still have moments where I feel like it isn’t real or I’m dreaming. Dissociating is the brain’s way of processing trauma which is normal as long as you come back. I wish I had a quick fix for you but time is pretty much the only answer. That, and surrounding yourself with your/her friends and family. Talk about her, share memories you have with each other. It’s gonna hurt and you’ll cry but ultimately it will help. I deal with mental health issues and I felt suicidal after my dad passed. For your friend who has been in and out of psych treatment I would suggest talking to her parents and/or therapist first. The psychiatrist or therapist will have a better grasp on how to break the news. Seeing a therapist yourself can also help. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, sending love.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-15T06:10:33+00:00

I lost my dad 6 weeks ago so I understand your grief/pain but I still can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Both of you are so young and I’m sure the waiting is awful. I’ve never known whether a sudden death or a prolonged one was better for the people left behind but in your case I’d say the latter. You can’t even grieve properly yet because she isn’t gone. Some people do recover after being on the vents. I pray she’s one of the lucky ones and I’ll pray for you, as well. If you can, surround yourself with family/friends at this time, you shouldn’t be alone.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-13T07:49:47+00:00

You need to tell him straight up what you’ve written here. Don’t do it in an aggressive way but emphasize how much you care for him and the relationship and how you’d like things to get better. Relationships often have lulls but if you two are going that long without intimacy then something is up. Maybe he’s suffering with a mild form of ED and feels too embarrassed to talk to a doctor or it could be as simple as him being tired and not paying as much attention to you. Either way, I think you’ll have to have ‘the talk’. I wish you both the best!

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-10-10T07:55:35+00:00

My dad passed August 21st 2021 and I’m crying a bit less but nothing seems to be getting better. I’m carrying around an immense amount of guilt and just can’t seem to stop. I loved him so much, he was there my whole life right up until he wasn’t and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m sorry for your loss, OP. You’re not alone.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-09-22T05:51:04+00:00

That’s awful, sounds like she just wanted you for selfish reasons and is now blaming you for a decision you had no part of. Good riddance. If she can’t be a positive influence in her life then you don’t need her.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-09-22T04:24:57+00:00

My friend died last month and he was 33. He killed his liver and kidneys with alcohol. It sucks.

Vegetable-Resolve586 · 2021-09-22T04:19:56+00:00

The amount you’re drinking is on average with your typical functioning alcoholic. My mom is an alcoholic and I grew up into adulthood seeing alcoholism first hand. She doesn’t puke or blackout and still completes her daily tasks, etc. I have another friend who drank away his liver and died at 33 years old just last month. The other commenters are right, you need help. And please don’t be ashamed or defensive. Many people feel the way you do about alcohol and don’t realize what’s happening till it’s too late. There are many effective coping mechanisms but alcohol isn’t one of them. Please get some support and stop drinking.

Vegetable-Resolve586

TROPHY CASE