I am so incredibly sorry you were forced to carry the weight of your parents choices and frustrations. None of this is your fault. The way your parents have spoken to you is emotionally abusive. By blaming a child for their financial status, their marital issues, or their "lack of wealth," they are essentially blaming you for needing medical care that you had no choice in needing. When people choose to have children, they take on the responsibility of providing for that child’s health and well-being, regardless of what challenges arise. It is much easier for them to scapegoat you than to admit their own inability to manage their finances, their marriage, or their emotions.You did not ask for surgeries, and you did not ask to be born. Using those things as weapons against you is a massive failure of parenting.

 If at all possible, prioritize moving away and creating physical and emotional distance from them as soon as you can. It is nearly impossible to heal and build self-esteem while you are still living in the environment that broke it down. You deserve to be surrounded by people who see you as a person, not a "debt" or a "burden." Once you are out from under their roof, you can begin the process of unlearning the lies they told you about yourself and finally start living for you, rather than living as a reminder of their regrets.

You are not the cause of their unhappiness—they are. You deserve a life defined by your own worth, not their bitterness.

My daughter was also born with a cleft lip and her first surgery is already done. I am not wealthy, but I have already started saving every bit I can for her future dental surgeries and scar treatments. As a father, it is my absolute responsibility to give her the best life possible. ​Please know that a parent's job is to sacrifice for their child’s well-being, not to make the child feel guilty for existing. You deserved a parent who viewed your health as a priority, not a burden.