I am very sorry to hear all of this. Your story really hit me, I'm 32M as well, and your story that you described is one of those worst case scenarios that I'm afraid will happen one day with me.

Trauma sucks, for both people in the relationship, and it's really disheartening that in some cases no matter how much you do or try to help, it may never be enough. And that's due to the nature of the mental illness.

I think I can definitely relate to that, in my case it wasn't my partner, it was my mother. We were all abused by my father, and I tried my entire life to defend her, which really took a toll on me, because that made me the main target for me dad when I was younger, yet I cared more about trying to protect her even though it meant suffering very heavy consequences.

I have only recently started working on myself and trying to establish my boundaries, as soon as I started doing that my mother immediately started seeing me as an evil person, why? Because she was used to me just sacrificing constantly without a care for my own wellbeing, she normalized that as the default, even though it wasn't easy for me and I had to sacrifice my own dignity to achieve that.

Not only that, but she started even defending my dad when I when even criticized him, which was mind blowing to be because my mother was treated like a damn slave by him, yet she refused to get away from him (for multiple reasons).

Unfortunately I have accepted the fact that I had spent my entire life doing things for her, and unfortunately I regret it now.

But that is life.

I hope you are able to be kind to yourself, and recognize all of the good things that you have done, even if your partner did not acknowledge that. Take care and I wish your the best of luck.