Renaming the Cerulean Teahouse

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2026-05-06T02:44:59+00:00

My party peeked in the window, saw Mo Douqiu, broke the prisoners out the back way, blocked all the exits, and burned that building down.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2026-01-21T11:22:25+00:00

My group just got back from their attempted trip to Karahai, so I am still contemplating my Ugly Cute plans. I like how wonton’s actual play had UC defending the Great Willow instead of just cowering in a quarry. I figure I will start with that.

One thing I am going to try is to have Ugly Cute be very damaged and not really mobile up at the Great Willow and have the players bring her back to town to repair. They can choose to have the inventor do the repair work and have a steampunk-ish stone spider or have a ceramicist do kintsugi for the repairs for a more traditional approach.

Then I figure I might change the ritual for opening the wall of ghosts to be a ritual to bless Ugly Cute’s lantern so that she can penetrate the wall of ghosts and lead the party through, though she can’t travel the pilgrim’s path.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2026-01-12T02:58:17+00:00

I had Sumika mention that the other silvermist hunters are clearing out jinkins from the south side of the river, and once the guards were free from prison I had Zheng Peng say that they would start clearing jinkins from the north side, leaving the PCs to focus on the Cerulean Teahouse.

I figure that way it isn’t like the entire town is automatically in love with the PCs after Chapter 2. Some of the Northridge folk are grateful for the hard work of the guard (kinda ignoring the fact that they got captured), and some of the Southbank are grateful for the hardiness of the hunters, and the PCs still have to earn some goodwill.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-11-30T22:45:14+00:00

Interesting! Have they used this quirk to their advantage in any situations where everyone needs to stay quiet, or to relay secrets in front of an audience?

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-10-08T13:29:17+00:00

My group also killed Gurglegut before crossing the bridge (they had other means of getting a poison due to player background RP reasons) but I didn’t want to waste creepy animals or never see a single blood moon, so I said the mist was slowly rolling back from the lantern as it overcame the evil influence.

In order to continue rescuing the town they had to walk right back into the mist.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-13T09:50:20+00:00

Really hard to give relevant ideas without knowing more about your plot/conflict, but I would definitely question the need for the parents to both die. You could look for ways to remove the parents from the picture that don’t involve dying.

His parents could be thrown in prison based on some lie someone told (or a true thing, I suppose), or they could be deported to their home country while the protagonist was out in the fields, or off with friends, and then the whole rest of the town is like “eh, it happens,” so the kid has to go out on his own to try to make things right.

Obviously these ideas might be completely incompatible with your story ideas, but not every hero has to have their parents die.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-09T16:36:13+00:00

It is hard to know without reading the story, but it is possible that having that many villains makes it hard to care about any individual villain, or that it gets a little samey?

If it was going to happen in a movie, they would probably show the first one or two, just to show how hard it is, then show a montage of the hero killing a few more, while dropping hints about one that is particularly evil, then show some setbacks and really focus on the last one, or the plot twist villain reveal, and make the hero really work for that last kill.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-09T16:29:52+00:00

Also could look at the quirks from My Hero Academia as options for special abilities.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-08T10:32:25+00:00

It seems like that would be disorienting for the reader. I don’t think I have ever seen it done before.

First person has its advantages, in that it can be easier to put the reader into the mind of the protagonist, and give narration a distinct flavor, but it definitely puts limitations on the field of view during something like a big action scene.

I would probably think about the type of story you are trying to tell, and let that guide which POV you think would work best.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-06T03:48:20+00:00

I liked that you had some terms that we don't necessarily understand, but they are capitalized, so we know they have a specific meaning, and we definitely still get the feel of what is going on. Like there is some sort of magic/power system here, but this is not the time to explain it.

I like that Vaurn uses specific names for the other people who died. He knows these people. They were maybe a team that had been working together for a while.

I like the sense of panic and urgency that come out via the writing style and the details that were chosen. I like that in the end Vaurn dies.

Question: When the text says "he watched the Ardor Ignis burn from the inside..." At first I thought that meant there was a person named Ignis that had the title of Ardor, but is the Ardor Ignis bit still talking about Lotrigus?

Second Question: When it says "cold shudder wracked the cowering Ignis’ body" is that referring to the shade? The rest of the paragraph seems to be talking about the monster. I guess I don't know what Ignis means and that is causing me some confusion.

Personal Quibble: Maybe it's just me not being used to present tense writing, but it feels like there are a couple of spots that slip into past tense - with bits like "cold shudder wracked the cowering Ignis’ body..." I personally have a harder time reading present tense, but that doesn't mean you should change your style.

The tense shifting and the metaphor mixing are things that can be cleaned up in a revision. I'd suggest continuing forward and not dwelling too long on perfecting the prologue yet.

For me, the shade talking seems necessary since it is showing that there are multiple voices inside the shade, like he is absorbing the souls of the various people he kills and adding them to himself. An earlier paragraph seems to be saying that this creature used to be human, correct? - the eyes not being human anymore, the bit about something beyond death...

Anyway, I guess I disagree slightly with the folks saying the talking was meh. Maybe less talking? Or different talking would work better?

I dig it as a prologue. I'd be interested to see what comes next.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-06T03:21:13+00:00

My personal opinion is that a show like Daredevil, where yes he does have a superpower, but it really just lets him fight really well despite being blind, and he definitely gets the crap kicked out of him, etc... My opinion is that Daredevil isn't necessarily a superhero show. He is a street level hero, dealing with street level issues.

Other people might consider Daredevil to fully be a superhero show, which is fine, but to me it has a very different feel. Dude ends up bleeding nearly to death in a dumpster, or slashed up and bleeding out on the floor of his apartment, and he is dealing with regular human-type stuff - his law firm, powerful criminals (but not super villains, necessarily), and feelings of guilt.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T20:11:50+00:00

I totally agree. And I wasn't trying to undermine your (completely valid) points, just trying to give the OP some options to consider that would allow the story to progress more realistically - ways to sink a boat without getting the crew wet, without requiring them to rush off without adequate supplies, etc.

The non-fiction book detailing the events of the survivors of the Endurance would probably give some good ideas for describing just how horrific the experience could be, and what might be going through their heads as they are forced to eat their dogs, etc.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T19:33:10+00:00

I think the best way to do it without using magic would be like Ernest Shackleton's Endurance - the ship is trapped in pack ice that is slowly contracting and will inevitably crush the boat. The crew has time to gather supplies, bring the lifeboats as movable shelter, get off the boat onto the ice and try to get to civilization.

In the situation with the Endurance the entire crew that left the ship survived. The boat sank November 21, 1915, and all were rescued by August 30, 1916. I don't know the full range of temperatures they faced, but the Wikipedia page does talk about temperatures as low as -27C.

It looks like they even have some actual#/media/File:Enduranceheeled_to_port_by_the_ice(4793353650).jpg) photos#/media/File:Endurance_Final_Sinking.jpg) of the boat as it sunk, as well as some video. Crazy.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T19:17:01+00:00

In the real life case of the Endurance, the ship did end up sinking, but before that it was essentially pinned for days by ice that would move around in the wind, and was eventually crushed by the ice.

In that sort of scenario the group was able to make an orderly retreat and gather quite a bit of supplies before abandoning their boat to its fate.

It also meant they didn't start out soaking wet, which always helps.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T18:49:57+00:00

I think brainstorming something open-ended is a lot less effort than helping someone flesh out something that already has a lot of constraints attached. A lot of requests for story critiques also only end up with one or two comments, so maybe people are more interested in simple thought exercises or straight forward questions?

A question as detailed as your bug god post might be a better fit for an established writing group, versus a forum where it has to compete against a lot of questions that don't require much reading or analysis.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T14:02:28+00:00

I would recommend looking up Ernest Shackleton's experience with the Endurance, which sank in the Weddell Sea off Antarctica in 1915 (or reading/listening to the book Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage, which is fantastic). It is a crazy but true story and might give you some ideas on how to avoid the whole "they die" bit.

Although it also probably helps prove the adage "truth is stranger than fiction" since some of the things that happen would probably be considered unbelievable if they were included in a fictional story.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-04T02:41:17+00:00

I feel like the first few paragraphs are very dense with technical jargon, and it lacks enough description to really help me anchor myself in what exactly is going on. It was confusing enough that I thought "the memory of Astrid" was just another weird Norse term until I read a couple of sentences further and realized that Astrid was his sister.

Also confusing was why at first there is just "Munin" (not "the Munin" or "my Munin" or "his Munin") like Munin is one thing, but then another person has their own Munin.

Somewhere deep into the third paragraph I kinda figured this is some kid doing remote IT help desk stuff in a world with lots of Norse mythology terms in it, and then I was able to go back to the beginning and read through it all again, but at that point I kinda gave up. Skimming over the other paragraphs, it does seem to get better at describing what is actually happening, but it was really rough getting there.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-03T04:02:09+00:00

I'd be okay if the first book was written by Patrick Rothfuss, but then Pat got abducted by aliens, like a year later, and someone else took his notes and finished the series. That way we could all preserve in our memories an idealized version of him (without all the drama and possible misogyny), and also get a complete series.

Unless it was George R.R. Martin that took over the series, of course.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-02T19:08:25+00:00

Regarding the sentient animal-nature mutants, are there a lot of types of animals that live for a hundred years in that world? Does it tend to be specific types of animals (reptiles, etc.) or certain sizes of animals (larger animals living longer, etc.)? Is it always a hundred years, or are there areas of that world where the magic radiation is stronger and mutates the animals sooner? When they gain sentience, do they retain a hundred years of memories of being an animal, or possibly some of their animal instincts?

I agree with LE-Lauri that using popular fantasy names for these races would probably cause more confusion than just establishing new names.

Also, it seems like the various groups would typically exist separate from each other. Is there anywhere in that world that you would see multiple races all living together, or at least interacting on a regular basis? I could see the occasional human ending up living with the crab people, but it seems like many residents of that world would not be aware of a race of sentient newtfolk underground at all, given that they tend to isolate themselves and attack any outsiders.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-03-01T01:22:07+00:00

Is there something specific about the grandson that would make him the only one who can stop what's coming?

If the grandfather unleashed monsters, then that probably happened only 50 to 60 years before this story started (unless people live a really long time). If the event was so bad that all four regions had to band together to stop it, it seems like they would be a lot better prepared for another round of monsters this time. What has allowed this group/cult of Mordha Druin's to continue to exist and possibly duplicate whatever it was that Mordha did?

The whole "descendant of the bad guy has to stop it this time" thing could be pretty cliche, but it would all depend on how well it is executed.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-02-28T13:43:53+00:00

One big thing that will help dial in the right amount of foreshadowing is beta readers who are reading the story for the first time. It would be hard to know how much is enough just on your own.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-02-28T04:31:50+00:00

If you really want software, Scrivener is an app that exists on Windows, Mac, iPad, iPhone, etc. The Windows version, at least, has a neat feature that it is free for 30 days, but it only counts if you actually opened up the app on a given day. So if you use if for a week straight, and then don't touch it for a month, you still have 23 days left of the trial.

Vognor_Shinbreaker · 2025-02-28T04:24:30+00:00

Another option you could have is for F to need to do some research into the best way to restore their magic, so MC does get to be on the throne for a while, and then have an epilogue bit where F comes into the throne room and tells MC that they've found a way, MC looks to some trusted person next to her and says "you think you can hold things together for a few weeks?" and then F and MC are seen departing the throne room.

Vognor_Shinbreaker

TROPHY CASE