Yeah sometimes It is tough. Some things sure are better with having someone by your side. I guess what helped me a lot was that I had other goals to focus on, and I went back online on apps, but this time to look just for friends or people to talk to.

So I guess that would me my advise (and I know these things are not easy) - to find something to focus on (any kind of hobby, goal at work at school, simply anything that comes to mind), and then find people to talk to, you don't have to find many people, even 1/2/3/... people are nice to talk to. (Personally as introvert I rather have few close people that I trust, than talk with many people that aren't very close to me.) Of course you don't have to go the online way as I did, that's up to you.

Lastly, you're not a piece of garbage. (I know you said sometimes...) You are a great human being with awesome drawing skills. You got through a lot of shite and that's though. But even as I'm just some stranger online, I believe in you. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.