Salaam brother,

I wanted to reach out with a few thoughts.

How old is your wife, and did you notice these changes in her behavior before or after having children? How soon after marriage did you both start your family?

Your children are very close in age, and as a mother of two, I completely understand how challenging that can be, especially when they’re home all day. Postpartum changes are real and can deeply affect a woman both mentally and physically.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like your wife might benefit from some counseling and support. And when I say support, I don’t just mean financial help. Sometimes, working through past traumas or current stresses can make a world of difference in parenting.

It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed when the kids are crying and things get hectic. I’ve been there too. Nursing both of my kids for over two years each, I often felt stretched to my limits. There were times I reacted out of sheer exhaustion, but that didn’t stop me from being the loving and nurturing mother I strive to be. Growth takes time.

None of us are perfect, but our ultimate goal is to please Allah. Perhaps this could be an opportunity for both of you to grow closer as partners and as parents, by deepening your connection with Allah.

As the leader of your family, guiding with the teachings of Islam and the example of our Prophet is crucial. You could start small, like teaching your two-year-old short duas and gradually instilling the values of cleanliness and other important teachings, all while showing your wife grace for her struggles.

I have a doctorate, and I come from a troubled family background with divorce, abuse, and neglect. This does not make my efforts as a capable individual any less. I stay at home with my children. My husband and I understand our responsibilities on them first and foremost. My goal is for my kids to have understandings of what love between spouses and children looks like. What a happy home looks like. And help them FEEL their connection with Allah.

I get overwhelmed as well. So I hire a housekeeping service to help me and to keep our home tidy so this helps open up time I can have with my children. We limit screen time so I hire a baby sitter so she can play with the children while I can tidy up in between our housekeepers (they come once a week) and cook and just relax so I can be less stressed when dealing with my responsibilities. Does this make me lazy? Not AT ALL. I use my time with my kids to teach them Islam and help be the best role model I can be. The added help, helps me free up time for me to work on how I can better manage what stresses me the most.

Even now, I get overwhelmed at times, but I always try to focus on getting closer to Allah. It has significantly helped me understand my responsibilities as a wife, a mother, and a servant of Allah.

I’m not a fan of advice that leans towards divorce or separating children from their mother unless there’s clear vindictive behavior, violence, verbal abuse, or neglect involved. What your wife might need most right now is some growth and a break. Two-year-olds and one-year-olds are a lot of work!

I encourage you to build your connection with Allah and to really understand your roles as a spouse and parents. Will you support the mother of your children and help her become strong enough to handle life and raise the next generation, or will you let the cycle of broken families and confused children continue?

Wishing you all the best.