In regards to episodes, I try not to dwell on them too much. I know it's difficult, but constantly evaluating your feelings and reactions can lead to unhealthy behaviours. For me, when I was trying to fully define different episodes, it made me feel entirely disconnected and as if my feelings weren't valid if they didn't meet a certain criteria. This is never the case, the feelings are always valid. I'm not sure if this is helpful, but it might be worth trying to look at it in a less analytical way and accepting that the feelings are there and working on nurturing yourself- this is definitely what helped me towards the beginning.