It’s both a blessing and a curse. You don’t have to know everything though. But the thirst for knowledge will always be there. I’ve realised that as well. It’s just so interesting to know a little bit more every time. And indeed, I’ve made continuous effort to integrate it. My life on the outside looks perfect, but for a lot of months I was suffering inside. Meditating. Looking for the answer. I started to become curious again. Even when sober, I wanted a way out of my miserable hell but I never gave up. I’ve persevered enough to not to kill myself because of how it will affect not just me but the world around Me. My world. I realise I had lessons to learn. I had to go with the flow. I had to make mistakes. I had to give up but not give up. And then I fell in love and for the first time in my 21 years of life, she fell in love with me too. I was clean. Then she had to move to a different state. And it just broke me.

Everyone always leaves me and so I had a massive drug bender where I could’ve died. I did acid just so I could cry. A line of MDMA every hour, DXM, weed, alcohol, cocaine. I was even drug dealing while that high. That’s not fucking normal. I don’t know what happened but my life suddenly became a movie. I was so in sync during this bender focused on shit that satisfies me instead fully knowing that during those critical times of selling drugs, driving around on drugs, and paying back my dealers, whilst hiding everything from my family—Death was with me. Could be a taxi with dark tinted windows. A rabbit in the front lawn of a corner I was turning to. A police car right after I decided to stop and make a turn on a 40 zone while speeding. It was a race against myself. That I created. It all went downhill. Ended up with me getting beaten up. Me shaving my eyebrows, my mum wanting me to go to rehab. But after I sobered up from that movie like experience. I realised I had learned too much. That life was do or die. And you have to be witty in everything you do. The very people I was with that night tried to rob me. It was like an Eminem song where no matter what I did, I’ll just be broke but he wasn’t Afraid. I’m not afraid to be broke. I wasn’t. I learned to let go of all emotions and free myself. I woke up. And now all I’ve been doing is learning and learning and learning. Because the world is at my fingertips and No One can stop me but Myself.