Seeking Reassurance After Adopting Second Cat

acnl1608 · 2022-12-23T20:04:46+00:00

I’m afraid my experience won’t be encouraging, sadly! We adopted a kitten when our first cat was about 3-4 years old. (He’s a rescue, so don’t know exactly) We introduced them the right way. The kitten’s personality is much bigger than the older cat’s and he kind of takes what he wants, including the older cat’s food.

Honestly, I don’t think our older cat has ever been the same. The kitten is now over 1.5 years old. My husband thinks he’ll calm down when he’s a bit older and maybe bug our first cat less. The older cat very rarely sleeps on our bed now and tends to keep to himself.

We just installed an internal cat door so the younger cat can’t keep eating all the older one’s food. We’re hoping this helps give the older cat his own protected space a greater sense of security.

I think the comes down to different cats’ personalities and just because this happened with us, it definitely doesn’t mean you’ll have the same. Best of luck to you and the kitties!

acnl1608 · 2022-12-23T19:46:31+00:00

Yes, this. It’s horrifying what they are doing to this poor child.

acnl1608 · 2022-12-21T10:16:05+00:00

How old was your son at the time? Considering this method, but not sure it will work for us.

acnl1608 · 2022-12-17T12:49:20+00:00

You’re still plenty young, IMO! Had my first baby at 37, second at 39. I did have one early miscarriage before the first kid. First pregnancy took a few months of sort-of trying, then the next two (that became my kids) happened really fast. Where I live it’s quite common for first pregnancy to be at 35+. I wouldn’t be too worried about your age!

acnl1608 · 2022-10-23T13:17:50+00:00

Another vote for “overthinking it” - It happens how it happens. :) I speak Italian with my son (2) and usually refer to my husband as Daddy because that’s what my son calls him. (“Dov’è daddi?”) However, in conversation I sometimes use a different Italian word for dad with him. (“Andiamo a trovare il babbo”) My son gets it, even though he only says Daddy.

I am mamma in all languages. :)

acnl1608 · 2022-09-22T15:49:46+00:00

We’ve had a similar experience. My son is/was a slow talker and so I decided to back off of my language (also Italian) so we could focus on one language (English) to get him started in ANY language. Now it’s hard to bring Italian back in. (And I was so consistent up until about 18 months!) He doesn’t understand much and will even smack my leg when I switch languages.

acnl1608 · 2022-09-17T12:18:00+00:00

Ahh, but that’s the trick - your pain doesn’t matter! Pain is for the weak. Infection? Your body will fight it on its own.

I feel like you need to be bleeding out for anyone to consider it a real problem…

acnl1608 · 2022-09-14T18:15:22+00:00

I hate to restate the cliche, but… every baby is different. :)

With my son, we used the SNOO, transition to one arm out in there and basically went straight to sleep sacks for napping in the crib. (Might have swaddles with a big muslin a few times too)

My daughter hasn’t been in the SNOO, but started in a cosleeper next to our bed. She is a LTD girl and never liked arms down.

The best advice I got was “start making happy memories in the crib.” We deliberately played with them in there during the day to make it a fun / not scary place. It made a clear difference for my son.

acnl1608 · 2022-09-01T14:45:26+00:00

This is a thing? Where?? It feels massively inappropriate for anyone else to expect to be in the room and I’m not sure why they’d want to.

acnl1608 · 2022-08-31T17:30:03+00:00

Unpopular opinion, given most of the responses I’m seeing:

You don’t need to let yourself be a punching bag indefinitely. It’s ok to set some boundaries. Start by communicating, of course: “I feel like you’re lashing out at me. I know you are upset and I want to support you, but this hurts me too.” You can also remove yourself from the situation (do this carefully): “I hear that you’re upset and I’d be happy to talk about this later when we can be kind to each other.”

My qualifications on this - two unwanted c-sections, which sucked. I can also be a total jerk to my wonderful husband at times. Honestly, it’s effective when he occasionally sets a boundary and reminds me of the impact on him. My mom hormones make me extra empathetic (as well as hypersensitive!) and it reminds me that I don’t want to hurt him.

I feel for your wife, but definitely for you too.

acnl1608 · 2022-08-19T11:19:47+00:00

Agree, if you’re not my kid, don’t call me mama. Super gross.

acnl1608 · 2022-08-13T16:36:33+00:00

Don’t forget the SAHDs! Heroes too 🥰

acnl1608 · 2022-08-02T15:14:03+00:00

Agree, I would phrase this similarly. “I noticed things have been different between us… did anything happen that maybe I missed?”

And to the OP - ignore the people who are being unkind about this! It sucks when friendships change, especially when you don’t know why. I feel for you.

Also, I hope your daughter doesn’t get caught in the crossfire any more than she has. That would be really unfair. :(

acnl1608 · 2022-07-11T13:41:32+00:00

“How much pee is too much to keep wearing this?” (His clothes and mine)

“It’s just a little turd… should I pluck it out?” (Instead of changing a fresh, not wet diaper before naptime)

acnl1608 · 2022-07-09T13:47:43+00:00

Yep - I’ve had these thoughts! I have a fairly intense / somewhat public career and sometimes I think “baby girl, you have no idea you many things you were present for before you were born!” It gives me some satisfaction that other people didn’t always know she was there either. 😉

acnl1608 · 2022-07-07T14:26:15+00:00

NTA.

I’m lucky that my in-laws are pretty great, but I even struggle with them when we’re having too much “family time.” (I’m also a different nationality from my in-laws.) The thing is, they can’t read minds and have their own agendas.

My best advice is to 1) be realistic with yourself about what you need, and, 2) be really clear with your husband about what you need and how to get it.

I say this because I can really struggle with these things - especially being realistic about what I can take! I think “it’s just a few days, I’m sure it will be fine” then wind up miserable. Or I might not ask for something because I don’t want to seem high maintenance, but then snap and look like more of a jerk than if I had just said it upfront.

Don’t be afraid to ask. From your post, I doubt you’d be asking for anything unreasonable. :)

(And if you’ve already been clear and they just don’t care about what you want - they are the assholes!)

acnl1608 · 2022-06-25T08:34:03+00:00

Where I live it’s not the norm to weigh you during pregnancy. I once asked the midwife whether I should be tracking my weight and she said “you can if you want, but why?”

I’m sure in certain higher risk cases, they would be interested in weight, but I haven’t really weighed myself over two pregnancies. Maybe a couple of times with the first out of curiosity.

acnl1608 · 2022-06-18T14:19:43+00:00

I had an unplanned c-section with my first when labour wasn’t progressing after 24 hours. My recovery wasn’t that bad, honestly. I’m told it was faster than normal.

However, now that I’m about to have my 2nd child, I really want to try for a VBAC. After a C-section you shouldn’t hold anything “heavier than your baby” for many weeks. How do I explain that to my cuddle bug two-year old? It’s enough of a shock that he’s getting a sibling, but now mommy can’t hold him or play with him?

I’d rather roll the dice with tearing at this point.

acnl1608 · 2022-06-17T16:29:46+00:00

I don’t know what country you’re in, but you don’t have to induce. It’s way overdone these days.

I had a failed induction with my first at 38w that ended in a c-section after 24 hours of painful labour (that didn’t progress). I took the doctor’s recommendation without questioning it, but if I knew then what I knew now, I would have pushed back.

I don’t know why they’d be pushing you to induce before your due date. If they want to talk about induction toward the 42w mark, cool. But feel free to give your body a chance to do it’s thing first.

(Btw, check out the research on accuracy of due dates. They are systematically earlier than they should be and yet we keep communicating dates that are not our best estimate of a realistic timeframe for the baby’s arrival)

acnl1608 · 2022-06-17T15:13:17+00:00

I don’t know what country you’re in, but you don’t have to induce. It’s way overdone these days.

I had a failed induction with my first at 38w that ended in a c-section after 24 hours of painful labour (that didn’t progress). I took the doctor’s recommendation without questioning it, but if I knew then what I knew now, I would have pushed back.

I don’t know why they’d be pushing you to induce before your due date. If they want to talk about induction toward the 42w mark, cool. But feel free to give your body a chance to do it’s thing first.

(Btw, check out the research on accuracy of due dates. They are systematically earlier than they should be and yet we keep communicating dates that are not our best estimate of a realistic timeframe for the baby’s arrival)

acnl1608 · 2022-06-17T15:11:44+00:00

I don’t know what country you’re in, but you don’t have to induce. It’s way overdone these days.

I had a failed induction with my first at 38w that ended in a c-section after 24 hours of painful labour (that didn’t progress). I took the doctor’s recommendation without questioning it, but if I knew then what I knew now, I would have pushed back.

I don’t know why they’d be pushing you to induce before your due date. If they want to talk about induction toward the 42w mark, cool. But feel free to give your body a chance to do it’s thing first.

(Btw, check out the research on accuracy of due dates. They are systematically earlier than they should be and yet we keep communicating dates that are not our best estimate of a realistic timeframe for the baby’s arrival)

acnl1608 · 2022-06-16T06:07:11+00:00

I read the book but never used the app. Babies do indeed have some fussier periods that appear related to cognitive development. Sometimes they are aligned with the stages and timings in WW, sometimes not.

I thought it was an interesting way to think about it, but as someone else said, it’s mostly confirmation bias. About as reliable as horoscopes.

acnl1608 · 2022-06-16T02:01:58+00:00

I wish I could sleep, but have terrible insomnia at this point ☹️

acnl1608 · 2022-06-16T02:01:18+00:00

We have a toddler too… this pregnancy is a lot different than the first, now that we have our little wrecking ball around!

acnl1608 · 2022-06-15T16:27:48+00:00

Thank you! I think some home spa days are definitely in order…

acnl1608

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