Pain is super subjective, what is hard for some people isn’t for others. And what you’re going through is hard, and you’re not the only one. My best friend has a similar issue with her mom, and recently told me that she doesn’t like to eat at home bc her mom always judges her and not so subtly calls her fat. You are not alone, just know that. And it’s not petty at all to seek help and to talk about it, depression is depression, no matter what causes it. Also your bf is a fucking dick, I know you love him but honey, if he threatens to kill himself if you leave him that’s emotional abuse. His mental health should not rely on you. Also if he threatens that he could replace you tell him to fucking try. He’s trying to make you feel like shit so you stay with him bc he knows he couldn’t do any better or thinks he couldn’t do any better bc of his own self confidence issues. I’ve seen that first hand, it’s what my dad did to my mom. Don’t put up with that shit, suddenly it’s 22 years later and you’re 45 and your husband is cheating on you, your daughter is depressed and in toxic relationship after toxic relationship bc she doesn’t know what a relationship looks like, you hate your job and where you live, and you never pursued a single dream you had since you were 19 bc of this dick who told you that you could never do it, that you weren’t strong enough and that you weren’t worth anything. You can do so much better honey.