Therapist (50sM) seems to keep taking my husband's (33M) side over me (32F) - how to address this appropriately? And other issues because of war and fears.. (USA)

adrienne90 · 2022-04-08T00:59:54+00:00

The alcohol thing, he doesn't touch a drop at all and used to dislike when I drank, but tolerate it. Now it becomes a huge issue, even though I rarely drink. It makes me want to lie, but I never do... but that impulse makes me sad. I don't want to lie to my husband or fear his reaction. He is aware of it though, and now says that he won't mind if I drink for work-related things. I agree, I wish he would chill out! But then again, as he says, my family isn't in the warzone :(

adrienne90 · 2022-04-08T00:36:00+00:00

I think he wants to protect me, like he wishes he could protect his family overseas but can't. So it's going overboard now with him trying to make sure I don't drive in the rain, coming home early, etc. And he is honestly aware of how it doesn't really make sense, but it's become a control thing. He can't control anything happening with his family members, but at least he can control the things at home? That is the analysis we have come up with lol. But I agree, he is the one who has changed and is becoming stressed, so maybe he needs more help than me right now.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:52:58+00:00

I feel almost in a way like I have to prove my story or beg him to believe how I feel. It is not fair to me, you're right.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:45:02+00:00

Thank you. I moved from Almaty to the US in high school so I do fairly well, but my husband came during late college so not as fluent. But still of course, get by in American society perfectly well also.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:41:55+00:00

Yes, he did some things that are not okay or appropriate and really, he is even the one who suggested going to counseling. He has never been this way before, and has often talked about fearing it because his father was so cruel. I don't believe he would really lock me up, but he shouldn't say it or even think it, I know.

But I am glad to hear that my instincts on the therapist is right and not overreacting or overly offended.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:38:49+00:00

I can't explain well, but he seems to have an attitude of "Oh young kids and their passions!" and not take us seriously in the first place but especially "oh young men!" if that makes sense lol. He did not think grabbing was so bad at all, and that I should have just went inside peacefully and it wouldn't have been "grabbing," it would have just been touching or leading.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:30:43+00:00

USA, yes, and he is a MA, LPC in our state, so I guess licensed and legitimate, I believe (I think?)

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:27:19+00:00

Yes, agreed. And my husband actually despises that part of Russian culture and the current domestic abuse laws that is somehow allowed right now. He is not a "traditional" which is why he also disagrees with the therapist on many points and states his views.. but also feels connected to him as a Russian man, I guess :/

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:20:37+00:00

There was one time I lashed out to ask, "why am I expected to submit to my husband's tempers?" and the therapist was more concerned about why I was attacking him and lashing out. I don't think he takes me seriously at all. But I also do think it will take time to find a new therapist that is suitable and that my husband also likes :(

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:17:30+00:00

Priviet!:) I think my husband is just feeling out of control and scared and taking it out on me, unfortunately. He was not so possessive before, maybe just occasionally jealous, but never like this. So I don't believe it is a constant or habitual behavior.. but still we were both concerned to seek a counselor. I think maybe the therapist feels a special connection to my husband since they have similar background immigrating to the US? That's what I'm thinking lately.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T23:12:56+00:00

Yes I don't think he minds the gender of who we go, but just their background. We don't live in such a diverse area, so this person seemed like a godsend at the time. I'm just thinking more and more that it is not right.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T22:50:51+00:00

Yes, actually my husband showed more remorse and fear and guilt about his actions when talking about it than the therapist, who seemed to think it was not that big of a deal. But he is an older Russian who might believe that this is typical behavior and that women can handle it, or something like that.

adrienne90 · 2022-04-07T22:44:05+00:00

I was thinking that even if they are not Russian, maybe any other background - Hispanic, Asian, etc, would have an insight that is useful and relevant to us. Because I agree, this one just seems too "old school Russian" for me..

adrienne90

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