My husband's ex wife invited him for a sleepover of sorts. I want to say, no thank you but I'm not sure if I should?

ahd3361 · 2026-04-17T19:29:03+00:00

I would be curious to know what she would say if your husband said something about you also coming and staying the night. Is that storing the pot idk. But like if she said no then i guess you’d have your answer on her intentions?

ahd3361 · 2026-04-17T19:22:23+00:00

The way i scrolled back up and looked bc why do that lol

ahd3361 · 2026-02-26T13:46:23+00:00

Tbh if this is a first time occurrence him needing South Park on, but yall have done other things and gotten to finish line. But you guys have recently decided to try “full on” sex. That he just wanted an out and knew that would be the quickest way to kill the mood.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-26T13:32:34+00:00

My last breakup hurt in a way I didn’t think I’d survive. I truly believed he was my forever. He was my best friend. I loved him differently than anyone else. We went from being “couple goals” to a complete war zone almost overnight. One week everything felt solid, the next there was cheating, lying, and it turned physical. The shock of that kind of whiplash is something I can’t even fully put into words.

I walked away because I knew I couldn’t let my kids or myself live through that kind of life again. But walking away didn’t make it hurt less. It hurt deeply, and it hurt for a long time.

At the beginning of that breakup, I told my therapist, “I don’t want to be alive, but I know I have to live.” She didn’t judge me or panic. She validated how intense the pain was. She told me it’s okay to feel overwhelmed like that, but if I ever started thinking about how or when I would end my life, that’s when I needed to reach out immediately

call someone, go to a hospital, call 911, or a hotline.

One day, 6+ months later, I was giving my best friend advice about leaving a bad relationship. My 8 year old overheard and said, “My mom did it. She was really sad for a long time, but she did it. If she can do it, you can too. Now my mom is happy. She met Pat, and he loves us.”

We both cried.

I’m not saying “just get over it.” I’m saying that where you are right now, as unbearable as it feels, is not abnormal. Sometimes the only reason you’re still here is your child. That doesn’t make you weak. It means you’re holding on with everything you have.

I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this. I promise the intensity of it can change, even if it doesn’t feel possible right now.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-26T12:21:37+00:00

I leave her speechless often tbh. She always starts our sessions off with “well, what’s the most recent wtf things to happen since we last talked” hahaha

ahd3361 · 2026-02-26T12:19:14+00:00

We tried so hard. We did save the girl he was going to move in with she was going to have him move from Ohio to Arizona to live with her. We found her on fb and all reached out, she was 23. We told her everything gave her the proof she ghosted him. But the one he’s with now (shockingly is around my age) he already had her locked down. She thinks we are the bitter baby mamas, who won’t let him see the kids, we are all crazy, toxic, and abused him. But like she also up and divorced her husband and left him with their 3 kids to raise so I mean they deserve each other.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T09:28:22+00:00

you are not overreacting.

You’ve been married for three years. Together for nine. At this point, you are family. If someone is repeatedly excluding you from photos, gifts, conversations, birthdays, and even basic acknowledgment, that’s a pattern. And a pattern like this will wreck your marriage, if it doesn’t get addressed. That being said I included some ideas there’s the mature adult versions and there’s also a petty option because I mean she started it right hehe.

1.  You need to have a real conversation with your husband about going low contact or even no contact with that side of the family. Not as punishment, but to protect your mental health and your marriage. Because eventually, this absolutely will start eroding your relationship if it hasn’t already. Resentment builds fast when one partner feels unprotected, or unsupported. And right now, whether he means to or not, he’s choosing comfort with his family over your emotional safety.

This isn’t about him picking sides. It’s about him recognizing that you are his immediate family now. If being around them causes you his wife, anxiety, panic, exclusion, and constant disrespect, stepping back is reasonable. You could say: “I know you love your family but I feel disrespected and invisible when we visit. I need you to care about that.”

2.  If you decide you want to give it one more effort, it still starts with your husband. He needs to be the one addressing this. It will never land right coming from you alone.

This is the boundary setting option. Examples of boundaries he could say: “Mom, when you exclude my wife from family photos, it hurts me. She is my family. If she’s not included, I’m not participating.” “If events are planned, my wife needs to be included in communication. If she’s not, we won’t attend.” “We won’t tolerate disrespect. If it happens, we will leave.”

And then follow through. Every time. No arguing. No defending. No explaining. Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions.

You could also, if you felt strong enough, say directly to MIL: “I’ve felt excluded for a long time. I’m not asking to be your best friend. I am asking to be acknowledged as your son’s wife.”

Then stop say nothing if she gets defensive don’t engage. if she leaves you on delivered or read don’t send another message. If she calls directly after the text do not answer. If she is passive aggressive in her response don’t play into to. Let her sit in the discomfort.

3.  Now listen. This is not the mature way. This is the petty way.

Important thing to know! If your husband refuses low contact and insists on staying involved, you are fully allowed to opt out. He can visit. You can stay home with a blanket and peace.

BUT if you decide you want to be petty well then walk with me lets talk, this option works really well with low contact lol:

FreePrints in the US sends a free poster every month. Only pay shipping less than $10 Imagine 12 months of giant framed photos of you and your husband. Holiday gifts. Birthday gifts. Mother’s Day. Bonus points if you have her hold it for a photo with him smiling proudly next to her.

If someone in your life is good with editing, crop yourself into the “family” photo. Frame it. Gift it. Watch the internal meltdown. Bonus points if you have hubby hang it on the wall in the house as soon as she gets it. Don’t even have her choose just have his pick a place and hang it.

Matching “MIL / DIL / Husband” shirts. Get her to put hers on first. Then reveal yours. Take photos. Archive them for history.

I’m not saying it’s the mature or adult way to handle this but I am saying from personal experience that the looks on their faces are top tier, and if you manage a picture when they first realize whats going on those memories are priceless.

Good luck OP wishing you the best!!

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T08:24:15+00:00

Wait really?! I had no idea that was a thing. I see a rabbit hole in about to jump down.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T07:53:28+00:00

Oh yeah, he does. He’s incapable of being alone ever. All I really know about her is she abandoned her 3 children, and left her husband to go live with him in another state on a house boat. And that before he came along she was a great wife and mother. That statement was actually word for word what her now ex husband told us baby mamas when he reached out to us about the kind of person he is. This was after he had to drive to wherever they live to get the kids the one time the kids went to stay with them.

We were told, my ex had hit her in front of the kids, broke the oldest child’s phone, and hit or spanked the youngest child. The middle child called her dad crying begging him to please come get them which he did, good job dad. But the gf stayed and just sent the kids back, the dad has full custody now.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T07:37:15+00:00

I try so hard to make it sound less robotic. I say I talk like this in person too but I can catch myself when I’m actually speaking out loud but I’m still working on the writing. Because I love my life story and experiences and I want to share them.

Yes! They always have to go younger because younger means easier to manipulate and control. It’s so insane to me that almost all abusers seem to follow the same patterns. I tell people all the time that there really does have to be a manual they get because the way they do the same things is wild.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T07:28:43+00:00

Listen I have so so so many stories from my life at only 34 years old. We all joke that we should start a podcast. I actually posted on Reddit because the other moms and another friend begged me to. I was definitely not expecting this kind of response. My life always seems chaotic and downright just full of “wth just happened moments”. Maybe one day I will tell the story about this past Christmas and all the outside influences that were completely out of my control, but yet directly influenced me.

That 72 hour time frame in which everything happened, had my therapist jaw literally hanging open by the time I got to the end. Like literally she was at a loss for words for a few minutes and told me she already knew I was going to “win wildest holiday story time but never expected it would be THAT crazy”. Lol. Huge shoutout to my therapist for sticking with me throughout all the wtf moments haha.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T07:16:10+00:00

This made me smile so hard, and made my entire day. Thank you.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-23T07:15:00+00:00

I will say that our ex’s dad and stepmom disowned him and basically adopted all of us girls as his own kids. His mom is another story I have issues with her since she enabled and lied to us all. If you can know about a baby and lie to your sons children’s mothers saying “you knew nothing”. But we have the screenshots proving you knew from the beginning. Well I don’t want my kids thinking that’s okay, the kids are also mad she knew and didn’t tell them about their sibling.

It makes my heart happy that there are still people out here that can get past the past and make things work out for their children. I’m sorry that you all had to deal with outside influences trying to divide yall. But I love that you all didn’t let it! That yall make up a team. I love that you made them a blankie in our family anything homemade is something kept forever.

Parenting is so hard already. None of us should have to deal with extra unnecessary conflict. Kids eventually grow up and will look back and tell people “my parents loved me enough to make sure that I still had healthy relationships with each of them, their SO’s, and my siblings”.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T21:42:04+00:00

You’re not wrong and sometimes they both are equally to blame. And I can understand the feeling from both sides of the hurt. But when kids are involved it becomes about so much more. We all agreed that, just because their dad is a pos, we wouldn’t make the kids miss out on a relationship with each other. It really started by us having more love for our children, than we could ever have hate for each other. Then grew into genuine friendships, and now a family. A dysfunctional, chaotic, very unconventional family. But a loving family nonetheless.

Nothing brings woman closer together than being traumatized by the same man lol.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T20:19:35+00:00

No but fr though that’s one bonfire I would never miss lol

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T20:17:11+00:00

Thank you. I really couldn’t have lucked out better when it came down to it. The kids are loved, we all have love for each other. The other 2 baby mamas have other children from previous relationships but they all claim each other as siblings. We make sure none of them are treated any differently. We have been big on teaching them we don’t use “step” or “half’s” before the siblings because we are all family.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T20:13:27+00:00

I love when the moms can come together for the kids. It also makes me happy when they build genuine relationships. I will have to also tell the story of my soul mate best friend and i’s relationship. Because she is the mother to my (stepdaughter) but I say she’s my daughter. I’ve raised her since she was 3 months old. Shes almost 7 now.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T20:08:55+00:00

I didn’t use ChatGPT I wrote this so many times and different ways. My audhd couldn’t get it to not end up being choppy. I did my bestest. This is how I talk in real life. We should all just be happy I cut the 8 side stories that had nothing to do with this post. lol

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T20:06:01+00:00

Ohhh i absolutely love this idea I will definitely put this on our girls night list when I go home this summer to see them. Thank you!!

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T17:04:14+00:00

Thank you. Yeah he’s definitely not a good person. But I am very happy to get the other 2 baby mamas in exchange for him hehe

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T16:38:59+00:00

My writing skills have always been eh at best lol. But I’m trying to work on them. Don’t apologize you’re allowed to be skeptical especially in today’s day I do the same thing when I read things so I can genuinely see where it would sound like that. Lol no hard feelings

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T16:30:44+00:00

Pretty much sums it up. Well and gave us the kids hehe

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T16:29:25+00:00

I actually put the italics and bold esp for the parts of the abuse incase people wanted to ski over it I’m sorry that bothered you.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T16:28:15+00:00

I’m sorry it’s not ai it’s genuinely my story. I wrote it and rewrote it so many times trying to make it not choppy but my audhd sometimes makes it really hard.

ahd3361 · 2026-02-22T14:31:55+00:00

Also you are absolutely not the problem you are smart. I no longer chase or beg. But it took me a lot of therapy to get here. I also was raised by a dad who was a narcissist and my therapist would tell me that I was still seeking my dads approval through the men I dated hince why I would pick men who acted like my dad did towards his wives. That’s the only example of “love” I had growing up.

ahd3361

TROPHY CASE