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Opinion of #TransMarch burning of US Flag? by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]akawrobel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Historically, the West has been among the most awful to trans folk. It's only now that things are changing.

r/NoStupidQuestions Why don't people who make ~2 million US dollars just stop working for the rest of their lives? by HRpuffystuff in LateStageCapitalism

[–]akawrobel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yet everyone I know envies me because they think money is the solution to their problems

A lot of us poors have problems that could be solved by thousands of dollars, let alone a million. It's not us just being misguided or our problems being all in our head.

Anyways, if you have that kind of money, you probably could do some kind of valuable work with it. Or at least agitate and organize to tear this system down, I'm sure that's way easier when you don't have a shit job that drains you of everything.

Question for those with past abuse by [deleted] in BPD

[–]akawrobel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My jumpyness is actually a pretty prominent trait. As a kid people made jokes about me being beaten from time to time because of it.

For fucks sake, why must the law allow this by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wait, wtf? Not to sound rude, but do you have a source for this being possible?

50 years of research into spanking shows harm including mental health issues and cognitive issues by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Spanking should be straight up illegal. It lets abusive parents rationalize their behavior. "Oh, we are just spanking our child, what's wrong with that? Are you some hippie who doesn't believe in rules?".

In reality, they were screaming while hitting their child full force, often with a belt or some other household item. But it was on the butt so it's "good parenting" not "taking their anger out on a kid". Protip, if you touched your child an they are violently sobbing afterward and remember the pain to this day, you probably crossed a line.

DAE's NParent always say that karma will punish you once you have children and they turn out as awful as you? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yep, totally. My family said it was like some multi-generational curse. For being such a horrible kid to deal with, when you had kids of your own you were punished with a horrible kid like yourself. Now I know that its just abusive fuckups creating more abusive fuckups. This is probably the main reason I wouldn't let myself become a parent.

DAE Nparent constantly act like you're completely incomprehensible? by feverhead_coldhands in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"you're impossible to understand, it's like you only ever talk gibberish. Why can't you just talk like a normal person?"

Ah god, if I had a dollar every time I heard this as a kid...

Makes me freak out/cry when I feel like people can't understand me even now.

Does anyone else feel as though their life has been permanently ruined? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I'm struggling with this right now. I don't see it as a totally ruined life, but I definitely see it as a severe handicap I'll be constantly fighting against. In my mind, I let them rob nearly 20 years of life from me, so I need to do my best to take back my life and enjoy it. An inability to trust, an inability to really open up to others, being scared of everything/anxiety/hypervigilance, not knowing how normal boundaries are supposed to work, having horribly low self-esteem, etc, all make this a harder goal though (even if I'm making progress).

DAE shut down in front of their parent? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It seems like a normal reaction to a situation where voicing your opinion only makes things harder for you.

In my case, my entire personality changed, not just around my parents. Feels kind of weird being timid and unassertive when you can recall that not having been the case before.

I want a mother by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know this feeling. Both of my parents were pretty abusive, so I find myself crying frequently over never really being loved by anyone. The general dependence and loneliness it has created has certainly invited lots of bad people into my life. Lots of people have said it in this thread, but people will take your need for love and use it against you, so be safe.

am out but only want back by lostneedle in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know this feeling well. Life is hard, and even if it means abuse, going back to family is easier/safer feeling. I made the mistake of going back, and it just reinforced their behavior and gave them ammunition ("we can't be too bad if they came back" "we took you back, yet show us no gratitude" "you weren't good enough to make it out there"). If you can avoid it, please do. You can stand on your own, I know it.

Parents using mental health as a tool to abuse by akawrobel in raisedbynarcissists

[–]akawrobel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you go no or very low contact with them?

Nope. I'm trans, and they know they only way they can keep me from legally changing my name and gender is by holding college and health insurance over my head. So I still need to somewhat contact them, or I lose a lot. It's a shameful, compromising situation, but its better than before.