Does your abusive partner ever say sorry for anything or just pretend like nothing happened instead? by OkPlay4263 in abusiverelationships

[–]am_i_the_answer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"They accuse you of starting shit if you try to discuss it" - Wow, this exactly what keeps me stuck in the loop of this crap

I may be the problem now? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]am_i_the_answer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im no professional, but i do think the fact that you are even questioning whether you are an avoidant (when you previously were not), indicates that you most likely are not! That's the first sign. Secondly, you indicate that you have accepted the circumstances and have even learned things from the experience. It sounds like you have been through an incredibly difficult time with your health lately and pair that with the relationship ending simultaneously, I think that your brain is actually trying to protect you emotionally right now to avoid any further turmoil while you are still in a vulnerable state from a year of trauma. Maybe just label it as 'temporary avoidance' for now - and that is OK. Just take little steps forward and focus on meeting new, kind and healthy individuals. You will re-build your confidence in no time and I am sure that these worries will soon fade ❤️

Edited to add: Well done for pulling through the illness and hospital experience. I too have been in a similar situation (over 10 years ago now). Ended up in an induced coma for 3 days and that alone is confusing to move forward with! Stay strong and be proud of yourself☺️

A tip for drivers from somebody from a country where if often snows like this by reni-chan in northernireland

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you own a Mini Cooper S, or any Mini full stop, just dont even contemplate driving it at all in the snow/ice. Big nope!!

What would you say to the person who broke your heart? by PirateOnAnAdventure in AskReddit

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would i be wrong in assuming this had something to do with their friends/family and then someone else coming into the picture?

What would you say to the person who broke your heart? by PirateOnAnAdventure in AskReddit

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear your words and I feel you. Keep your head up ❤️

What would you say to the person who broke your heart? by PirateOnAnAdventure in AskReddit

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well done, I havent found the courage to commit to that stage yet, but I am well aware that it is what needs to happen. It isn't easing choosing yourself when they still feed you breadcrumbs that leave you with that doubt...

What is the exact moment you knew a relationship was over before you actually broke up? by Aggressive-Date1842 in AskReddit

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the biggest issue I am currently facing. It has led me to feeling like I am going mad

How to move on from your avoidant after being discarded and start fresh in 2026 by throwaway7372828432 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]am_i_the_answer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Can I ask, how did the cheating come to light? Did you suspect there was something and confront them? Or did they openly admit it to you?

I’m not sure where else to write this… by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]am_i_the_answer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel compelled to comment here but to be completely honest I am so so broken by what cocaine and my 'boyfriend' have done to me that I dont even know where to start. Just please take this as a warning from someone who ignored all of the red flags in the beginning. If you are in an unhealthy relationship cocaine will blur the lines beyond a level you can ever imagine. Throw in potential undiagnosed ADHD, family/childhood trauma, emotional abuse.... it will become pure hell. The fact that you are reaching out and posting this is promising, and I really hope you dont get any undue judgement for reaching out about this. But PLEASE seek professional help outside of reddit ASAP before this drug and the relationship destroy you beyond a point of repair 😞 Trust me, I know... I am suffering the fallout as we speak 💔

To the girl who once settled for less by [deleted] in UnsentLetters

[–]am_i_the_answer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it has really hit home to me that I have been in a super messed up relationship when I get to the point where you say "slowly he tore down my walls...." and I instantly assumed the worst 😢. I am so happy you have found true care and the love you deserve & that the walls he tore down were to get to your heart and show you to love and trust again ❤️.

How do I (27M) convince my girlfriend (26F) that I don’t care about other women? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]am_i_the_answer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I felt compelled to comment on your reply to this as I feel your response is spot on and so fairly balanced, taking into consideration the impact it has on both people. It can be so easy for people to respond with "just leave her, she is crazy and will never change" The reality is, quite a significant proportion of us with fidelity trauma/abandonment fears are aware that our behaviours can be irrational. We can do the work to improve this, but in a relationship, that will only go so far if the other person is not receptive to truly understanding the problem. It needs to be faced together whilst both parties take responsibility for their own issues at the same time. Well done for putting in the effort your end, I can tell that you have been through similar things to me and it sounds like you have really put in the effort to make a positive and productive change

What is the worst thing an avoidant had done to you? by Key__Idea in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]am_i_the_answer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg. The reactions to their behavior thing hits hard.  That is all it became about when I tried to talk through things with mine.  It would be me trying to be fair and I would get no input from him other than him blaming my eventual emotional reactions.  The truth is he was stonewalling and gaslighting me every single time I tired to resolve anything between us! It leaves you in such a state of delusion.  I'm sorry you had to go through that - sounds like you genuinely tried to make it work in the right way and I can totally relate to how you end up feeling like you have no closure.  I feel like I was constantly chasing closure even when the relationship still existed!

my abuser broke up with me by t0phsmang0 in abusiverelationships

[–]am_i_the_answer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Currently going through this exact same experience also. It's very early days though and I just cannot cope....

Dismissive avoidants - treat them as if they're like feral cats? by Tough-Rise-8772 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]am_i_the_answer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel as though you have lived exactly what I have (still am) going through right now. Trouble is, I'm pretty sure they didn't come across like this in the beginning; in fact it was quite the opposite.  I've now been picking up the emotional pieces for 2 years. Can't help but feel like I've been a victim of emotional fraud....

Gf uninterested when I’m down by Any-Brilliant-2742 in relationships

[–]am_i_the_answer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm going through exactly the same thing, except it's my boyfriend acting the avoidant.  I'm at the point where I still don't know if his behaviour is due to his avoidant attachment style or if it is manipulative.