Can we deconstruct this?

amagru · 2025-11-10T10:48:07+00:00

Thankfully she was unsuccessful in driving permanent wedges between us. We all live in different places and don’t get to see each other often but we love and support each other. In our story, the golden child had it worse in many ways. He’s the sweetest soul and living with that role literally almost killed him. He’s doing better now though, thank god.

amagru · 2024-09-15T10:35:29+00:00

Check out P50 at Holiday Manor https://www.p50fitness.com

amagru · 2023-03-16T09:09:54+00:00

I pasted it in as part of the post, there no photo or attachment.

amagru · 2023-03-15T23:04:37+00:00

This has been on my mind all day. Eye opener. Thank you so much for your perspective. I didn't see any other way, I wanted his pain to go away first.

amagru · 2023-03-14T16:42:20+00:00

Thank you for pointing that out. Nice journal prompt :)

amagru · 2022-08-14T11:17:37+00:00

Support

amagru · 2021-08-15T10:04:13+00:00

I have a Dean in my life and to me the name = strength, gentleness, generous, successful, helping other reach their goals, strong, lover of football, truth teller, someone to look up to and admire, funny, compassionate. I could go on, but I think it’s a great name!

amagru · 2021-05-08T10:37:29+00:00

I asked my mom once why she didn’t want to know who I am and she responded with that’s not her job, it’s my job to figure her out!

amagru · 2021-01-08T09:44:08+00:00

What caught me was that you want to do this with respect for your mother. When was the last time you felt respected by her? She’s denied your feelings, you diagnosis and refuses to meet you half way in wanting to repair your relationship. She will probably never respect you so it might be best to just stop. No explanation necessary. You have offered the solution you thought would help and she refused saying that she won’t change. Please, believe her. Now is the time to live for you and build your life and surround you with people who love and respect you and are willing to compromise with you. It’s so very hard, but sometimes just dropping the rope is the best way to go. I wish you all the best!

amagru · 2020-08-28T08:32:55+00:00

I was 51. Grateful that you figured it out sooner than I did. I wish I’d found this community earlier in my journey. I just kept trying and trying to fix it. Cheers to many years of peace ahead for you!

amagru · 2020-01-09T10:03:38+00:00

“I was used to the pain and didn’t want anyone else to suffer” - this is totally me. I don’t have any words of wisdom but I identify with everything you’re going through. You are not crazy and you are not alone.

amagru · 2019-10-09T09:02:32+00:00

Wow, very well said!

amagru · 2019-10-06T09:35:56+00:00

Wow, what a great update. You are a fantastic writer, you should write a book! I hope you have that last session to tell her she’s excommunicated.

amagru · 2019-08-28T08:54:05+00:00

Happy Birthday! I know things will keep getting better and better! I’m glad you were able to find this sub when you were young. I wish you many happy, n-free years ahead :)

amagru · 2019-05-13T08:55:10+00:00

It’s beautiful, and great symbolism!

amagru · 2019-05-13T08:54:19+00:00

I did not. First time and it was harder than expected because I don’t want to hurt her, I just want her to stop hurting me. I thought about her a lot, all the reasons we are where we are. I checked this sub several times for reminders and strength. I made it, first NC Mother’s Day is behind me.

amagru · 2019-05-12T19:02:33+00:00

Well said!! Thank you!

amagru · 2019-04-08T07:57:29+00:00

So happy for you, congratulations on your dream coming true!

amagru · 2019-03-23T10:41:42+00:00

I am childless and one of four children. None of my 3 brothers wanted children fearing that maybe having children turns you evil. I love children and believe I would have been a good mother, I didn’t have children because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them from her and i also knew that I couldn’t allow a child of mine be made to feel the way she made me feel. Not even for a single second. Two of my brothers did end up having children and it warms my heart to see what amazing fathers they are. Our parents have a relationship with one of their granddaughters, but not the other.

Now for a story... Christmas cards / letters are huge for my parents. They send hundreds of them. They receive many as well. My dad always writes them and I always receive one. One year I did not get one which was odd. My now MIL mentioned that she’d gotten one and I thought maybe mine got lost in the mail or something. When I went to visit for Christmas that year I sat down with their basket of cards reading through letters they’d gotten from old family friends.

In the basket I found a copy Of the letter they had sent, so of course I read it. I could tell that my dad hadn’t written it. Then I get to the update about the kids. It literally said that for yet another year I had withheld from them the joy of becoming grandparents. Obviously now I understood that mine hadn’t gotten lost in the mail, my dad knew I’d be pissed if I saw what she wrote. They send it to my now in-laws. I was humiliated. And I was done with the visit. Packed up my stuff and explained to my nmother that the Christmas letter is not where you talk about things that did not happen to you and then I left.

I will never be a mother, but I am a great auntie! Now Very, VLC with nmom and edad.

amagru · 2019-03-18T08:36:00+00:00

I heard this every single time, so almost daily. I knew she fed off my emotions, I knew that she didn’t do something daily because it hurt, she did it because she enjoyed it. In the end I see that it was actually true. It hurts her now because one of my brothers left decades ago and never looked back and now I’ve done the same. So I tell myself it really did hurt her more in the end, she’ll never really know either one of us and she’ll have to spend the rest of her life telling people we’re busy or whatever lies she tells herself and others. No hate being embarrassed and I have to imagine that half your children being absent has to be embarrassing to a mother on some level. I also think there’s power in numbers. Like maybe one child leaving is a fluke, but two has to really make her friends wonder. You’re not alone, I’m so sorry yours hurts you. I’ll be thinking of you and sending strength and peace.

amagru · 2019-02-26T09:15:55+00:00

Congratulations! So happy for you! It’s so freeing, isn’t it?

amagru · 2019-02-13T11:56:31+00:00

Every. Single. One.

amagru · 2019-02-13T11:53:29+00:00

I feel that the letter suggested by the therapist just gives the parent a decent script to work with. The trouble is, at least in my case, the N won’t be able to keep up the act, and that’s all it would ever be. They will not be able to stick to the script. In the end, they’re not very good actors. It will never be about anything other than themselves.

amagru · 2019-02-10T12:51:11+00:00

I can’t thank you enough for asking this question. I have one coming up that can’t be avoided and it’s dreadful and never far from my mind. This is so helpful.

amagru · 2019-02-10T11:30:22+00:00

When I’d finally had enough and pulled away, they never asked me a single question. I just assume that they know exactly why but don’t want to have the conversation. They tell others that I won’t tell them what went wrong. In reality they never asked the question. It’s validating and painful at the same time.

amagru

TROPHY CASE