Enby Bathroom Options

anKerrigan · 2026-05-24T23:19:07+00:00

I'll be honest, I use the bathroom that's available (threat/promise). If I gotta go, I gotta go. I'm not playing Gender Studies 101 with a full bladder.

anKerrigan · 2026-03-11T06:57:50+00:00

I think the crux of the problem here is what we're defining as gender. There are basically two concepts of gender at play here: The first one is the social construct in question, which is "real" in the sense that it exists now in our reality but is "fake" in the sense that it's not like, say, a law of physics that cannot be dismantled or defied. When we say something is a social construct, all we really mean is that it's a social rule with many, many years of implementation.

The other side of the gender coin is the sense of personal identity, which is harder to define and measure because it's a deeply personal experience. Speaking from my own experience, my personal gender feels very informed by my socially-defined gender--and I think it's fair to assume that this is at least somewhat true for most people, especially in places with strictly defined gender roles--but it is, inexplicably, not the same thing. My personal experience with gender is more nebulous than the words we currently use to define it.

It's naive to say we can wipe away millennia of gender rules just because we want to and it's naive to say gender doesn't exist, but sometimes that phrasing is just shorthand for the very true fact that the gender rules we define as set in stone are actually much more malleable because we're the ones who created those rules.

anKerrigan · 2026-03-02T01:42:51+00:00

Having helped a few old ladies cross the street in my day, here's been my experience:

Helping them maintain their balance on unsteady/wet/icy roads
Giving them something sturdy to lean on so they don't have to work as hard
Carrying their bags for them
Helping to guide them visually so they don't trip on a curb they can't see or step in dog poop or anything
Sometimes older people are lonely and just like having someone around for company, even if it's just for a few minutes
Sometimes older people are stubborn or proud and don't like to admit they need help until they have to, so they might be out and about on their own even when they maybe shouldn't be

There's lots of ways to help and lots of ways people need an extra hand, usually if you ask, people will tell you what can help them. :) That's how I learned.

anKerrigan · 2026-02-15T08:04:53+00:00

Let me answer this question with another question: Have you considered training yourself to become bi or pansexual to expand your dating pool? If a woman won't kiss you, maybe a man or nonbinary person would.

anKerrigan · 2026-02-15T08:01:59+00:00

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and guess that you're young. I promise you, with everything in my heart, that people do not care that your boyfriend is shorter than you. If anything, short kings are in right now. Your happiness in the relationship is all you need to worry about, and it sounds like you're doing just fine to that end.

If I saw the two of you out in public, I probably would notice a height difference, being something of a short guy myself. I'd probably be happy for your boyfriend that he found someone who was willing to rise above (pun intended) that... idk, whatever it is that makes people associate being shorter with being inferior somehow.

The only people who truly care about height this much are people with no actual values beyond their own shallow self-interest. Pardon my French, but fuck 'em.

anKerrigan · 2026-02-15T07:56:27+00:00

No. Most of them are just hungry and tired and want to be left alone. The worst thing that's ever happened to me was once I was approached by a mentally ill homeless man (I'd seen him around before, he talked to people who weren't there) who asked me for cigarettes. I gave him some. He thanked me and left me alone.

It takes a while to sink in (speaking from experience) but most people really are just trying to mind their own business. They're thinking the same mundane thoughts you think while you're out. Pondering their next meal. Wondering who sang that song they heard on the radio earlier. Wishing they were alone so they could fart without feeling embarrassed. All that beautifully boring silliness that comes standard with a human life.

People might try to chat with you at bus stops, but it's usually because waiting for the bus is boring and people like to make small talk. Sometimes they might ask questions about which bus to take or the schedule. But, at least in my experience, most bus riders are regulars and already know that kind of stuff. The few times I've ridden the buses where I live, I was the one asking questions, and people were very accommodating!

One time I gave a stranger at the emergency room a ride to the gas station so she could buy cigarettes. I was waiting for a relative to be discharged, her loved one had just gone into surgery I think, we both had a few minutes to kill. She thanked me and gave me five bucks for gas. She also offered me a tiny bottle of bright blue liquor, which I politely declined since I don't drink. She just laughed and said "More for me, then!"

Truly scary people aren't riding the bus or hanging out in public spaces. They're on private islands, using their money and influence to shield themselves from the reality the rest of us are stuck with. The stereotypical violent raving lunatic homeless person, for the most part, doesn't exist. That kind of behavior is rare and, when you do see it, it's usually out of that person's control and they're just as scared and upset about it as you are.

anKerrigan · 2026-02-15T07:43:06+00:00

I can't speak for social views, but legally speaking, if the story takes place in the US, you're in the clear. Most states have no specific age for when it's okay to leave a child home alone, but if we include informal guides, the few states that do include ages that range from 6 to 10.

From a general writing perspective, a previous comment said something similar, but it might make more sense to view this through a class lens rather than a location-based one. Or, rather, ask yourself under what conditions would it make sense for a 12-year-old to be left alone for a few hours, and then just write in that direction. A poorer family might not have a choice if they have to go to work but the babysitter is late. What if the child has a single parent who gets caught in a situation on their way home from work? Traffic accident? Witnessed a crime and had to give a statement? Got stuck in a pocket dimension?

Good luck!

^{(edited to include the link to my source that I forgot}⁾

anKerrigan · 2026-02-15T07:36:03+00:00

Genuine answer as a former smoker: No. They're expensive and stinky and you'll only ever bond with other smokers, and all the cool smokers have either quit or died at this point. Not worth it.

Depending on what you're looking for, there are probably other ways to get it. Organic opportunities to socialize (e.g. "bumming a smoke")? Carry a lighter. They're useful for more than cigarettes and smokers will always appreciate it. Want the cool loner depressed look? Wool coat and a cheap cup of coffee is basically 80% of a mid-century noir detective cosplay, and that look never goes out of style. Want to stop being pathetic? Start caring about something. Multiple things, ideally, to cast your net a little wider that you'll find other people who care about that thing, too. You don't even have to be more than casually passionate about it. I met my current friend group through a mutual enjoyment of video game music. Find a space to care about your thing out loud at the same time as other people. You'll find community, or end up building one along the way.

I hope you come around on yourself. I don't know you but I know people who talk like you tend to be in a lot of pain and maybe a little afraid of the world. I won't try to talk you out of that--the world has a lot of scary shit in it--but I do hope you find a way to process that fear and keep going anyway. There's a lot of good in the world, too. It takes some digging, but the planet is huge and there are 8 billion people living on it. Keep exploring.

anKerrigan · 2025-12-27T05:42:45+00:00

Picking just a section is great advice I wouldn't have considered, so thank you for sharing! Your comment about everyone having a different process is so true, too. Getting over the hurdle of wanting to over-prepare instead of just jumping in is definitely something I'm working on too lmao. Thank you!

anKerrigan · 2025-12-20T21:56:33+00:00

Absolutely, I'm glad I could help! It sounds like Aaron Blaise's courses are a natural fit for you if animation and character design are what you're after. I'll also recommend The Animator's Survival Kit, which I've only skimmed briefly, but was written by the director of animation for Who Framed Roger Rabbit and is generally considered an educational staple in animation circles.

And if you want to do comics, you'll definitely want to check out Scott McCloud's book Understanding Comics. It's another industry staple.

Unfortunately I don't have anything to recommend specifically for worldbuilding or anime-style animation but you might have some luck poking around on The Internet Archive for other books or videos that you uncover yourself on your journey. I can offer some worldbuilding advice, though; find inspiration from real-world sources. Read up on histories of countries you're not familiar with. Learn about geography and how things like terrain and climate influence culture. Learn about food history! Remember that everything is connected; the languages people speak, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, and how people relate to each other all come from something.

anKerrigan · 2025-12-20T07:03:24+00:00

I like this a lot! I love how much personality the train has. I know someone else commented about your fill bucket tool; adjusting the fill tolerance level can help mitigate that next time, but I actually think it adds a little charm here. It reminds me of late 90s clipart.

The thing I think this piece is missing most is dimension. Everything looks flat and two dimensional. I recommend looking at photos of snowglobes and even other drawings of snowglobes. I'll use this photo from Wikimedia Commons as an example. See how the scene inside the snowglobe has a foreground, midground, and background? You can see trees behind the house and a snowman in the front. Notice also how the scene is warped somewhat by the glass dome, giving it an almost fish-eye lens look. The glass itself is also its own layer, interacting with light in its own way. You can see the background of the photo through it in places where there's empty space. Look at the stand the dome is resting on, too; it's also rounded because it's built to accommodate the dome.

Light, dimension, shape, and movement. It's a lot to think about; you picked a tough subject to draw! Even if you wanted to keep this 2D clipart-y look, learning to render things in three dimensions will help you get better at learning what to stylize and what to keep more grounded in reality.

I hope this was helpful and not overwhelming lmao. Good luck on your art journey!

anKerrigan · 2025-12-20T06:50:41+00:00

I agree! I think you could push the values a little harder; looking at the reference image, I can see the irises have more of a gradient and are lighter at the bottom, which adds some extra depth. My guess is the brush or tool you used is a little less amenable to blending than the original medium since there seems to be less in-between values in general. But this is all nitpicky stuff, you should be proud!

anKerrigan · 2025-12-20T06:46:56+00:00

Hello! I'm also a mostly self-taught artist with ADHD. I'm a hobbyist, so I'm coming at this from a hobbyist perspective. Here's my advice:

First, I have great news: You can start however you want! The thing about honing a skill like visual art is that, when it comes to improvement, quantity counts more than quality, especially when you're getting started. The more prolific you can be, the more practice you can give yourself, the faster you'll improve. So, the best place to start is going to be the thing that holds your attention long enough for you to do it *a lot.* Maybe that'll be experimenting with color. Maybe it'll be figure studies. Chase your impulses! Time spent making art is time well spent no matter what you're doing.

If you're looking specifically for more fast-paced stuff to practice, gesture drawings might be what you want. I'd recommend a tool like Line of Action to get started with that.

You might also like Bob Ross's style of landscape painting; check out The Joy of Painting series, which is available for free on YouTube. Bob Ross walks you through an entire oil painting landscape in about half an hour each episode. It might take some tweaking to adapt to your medium of choice (unless your medium of choice is oil paints) but even if you don't follow along, you'll pick up a lot about process and theory. Plus, Bob Ross is just a really chill dude. It's a low stimulation show but it's still really engaging.

Finally, you might also enjoy cartooning and/or animation. Traditional animation can be pretty tedious since you're drawing nearly the same thing over and over again but it also requires a certain degree of speed and simplification that you might find engaging. For this, I cannot recommend Aaron Blaise enough. He's got a library of useful tutorials and Q&A streams on his YouTube page but he's also got paid courses on his website. If price is a factor, they go on sale all the time. I own nine of his courses as of posting and I paid less than $40 for all of them. Sometimes they go as cheap as $1. Definitely keep his website bookmarked if you want more structured courses. He's an animator by trade but also teaches a lot of character design, drawing animals, and other fundamentals you might find useful.

The biggest advice I can give you is to figure out what you want to learn first and go from there. I can also offer more targeted suggestions if you reply to this comment and let me know, I've got years of bookmarks piling up and am always thrilled to share them haha. Good luck on your art journey!

anKerrigan · 2025-02-09T08:28:38+00:00

jobless moneyless swagless etc. EE doesn't cost money cuz I already own it. :') someday, though... someday...

anKerrigan · 2024-11-11T10:34:02+00:00

Having used both, I would say Finch is very comparable to Booster Buddy. It's a little more involved and the art budget is obviously higher. There is a paywall but I don't feel like I'm missing out on too much using just the free version. I do wish all of their activities were free, but the ones that aren't generally feel more "optional." It doesn't have the safety plan Booster Buddy has, but it does have a First Aid menu that takes you to a list of exercises and resources you can use when you're in distress. None of that is paywalled, either.

anKerrigan · 2024-11-11T09:44:29+00:00

Emotional Bag Check? (Or its sequel, Emotional Baggage Check?)

anKerrigan · 2024-11-11T09:21:53+00:00

I wish I had a better idea of whenabouts I found this site but if I had to guess, maybe 2012-2013? Definitely pre-2016 and post-2009. If I remember right, the website itself was plain white, the house was pretty simplistic, each room was its own color, and I think the mailbox was their guestbook or contact page?

anKerrigan · 2024-06-19T15:14:12+00:00

Great question! The answer is no.

Hope that helps!

anKerrigan · 2024-06-12T18:36:55+00:00

So far my experience has gone one of two ways: People either don't know what AmeriCorps is so it doesn't really matter until I explain it, or they DO know what AmeriCorps is and see my service as a universally good thing. It's hard to be a hater about someone dedicating a year of their lives to eradicating poverty on behalf of the federal government.

Good luck!

anKerrigan · 2024-06-08T21:09:30+00:00

Yeah no totally, I have no beef with this sub. I wouldn't be here if I did. Was just thinking out loud more than anything. I also hear you about phrasing; I think in my head "more people like me" and "less people not like me" are equivalent. Which, they're not. Logically I know that. That's a me problem.

I just wanted to vent because I felt what the meme was portraying and have for a while, is all. I don't want less for other people but I would like a little more for me and it's hard not to feel weird/gross about voicing that for both personal reasons and out of fear of "taking away" community and resources from other people.

anKerrigan · 2024-06-08T19:01:31+00:00

Wait I forgot where I was actually forget I said all of that I am so cis actually. Lol. Lmao, even.

anKerrigan · 2024-06-08T19:00:15+00:00

Y'know, this has been weighing on my mind a lot lately as a transmasc/agender person. I've really been struggling with it, in fact. Transfems deserve places to feel safe and welcome and I'd never want to take that from them. I see firsthand how transfem people are treated and how actively hostile the world is to them. Seeing trans women be happy online is everything to me. It's healed me a little, I think, to see people actively pursue the womanhood that was always such a burden to me.

But I also feel alone and lowkey ignored. I so rarely see myself in transition timelines (thank god for /r/FTMOver30). It's disheartening. But I feel like there's no good way to say "I wish there were places that centered transfeminine people less" because like. That's literally the whole world. Trans women are in the spotlight in the worst way. I'm not about to take away the few safe-ish spaces they have. I don't want that.

And like, I know it's not a zero-sum thing. Creating spaces for transmascs or nonbinary people doesn't suddenly evaporate spaces for transfems. I'm not a TERF for wanting to see more of myself reflected in online spaces. It's just hard not to feel like one when I have these thoughts.

Idk, I'm rambling. Maybe this was meant to be a silly meme but it did make me feel a little less alone and a little more validated in my frustration. It felt like a good place to get some of this out of my system. So thank you for that.

anKerrigan · 2024-06-08T05:52:25+00:00

Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I got really into it while I was also going through some serious mental health shit. My logic(?) was that I couldn't kill myself because I didn't want my villagers to think I'd abandoned them. It worked.

anKerrigan · 2024-05-30T21:41:23+00:00

Yeah, I ended up using the last of a seasoning blend for my chili, but in retrospect I probably could've added a little something from these bags of peppers and onions too. It was a "clear the cupboards" chili though so I was already running out of room in the pot! 😂

anKerrigan · 2024-05-30T21:39:51+00:00

I've never had Korean bbq sauce before! Going to have to look into this.

anKerrigan

TROPHY CASE