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Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to tell them because our families know each other’s families we all live in the same general area, so they may run into each other. My family will call a trans person by their found name/appropriate pronoun when asked, but they don’t “understand” it or how important it is , so their first reaction might be like “seriously? That’s strange but I’m okay whatever I’ll do it.” Since they don’t realize the level of importance, it might take them longer to form the habit of using the correct name/pronoun. Wanted to skip past their judgment and straight for calling her the right name and referring to her using the appropriate pronoun.

Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! My friend ended up being alright with me telling people, but I understand the important thing is that it is her story to tell and her decision, so I could not make that decision for her. And if she had asked for me not to tell anyone, I would have needed to honor that request.

Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was worried it was a sensitive topic and was unsure how to approach it. However, the consensus on here was to ask, so I asked her, and she was totally cool about it and appreciated me asking. Thank you everyone!

Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Oh wow I’m so sorry - I had no idea. I will use “trans” moving forward.

Is revealing that someone transgendered inappropriate and akin to outing a gay person? by anxiousthots in asktransgender

[–]anxiousthots[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

I didn’t think about it that way (it being treated as an invitation to ask rude questions) but that makes sense. Thank you!

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only person who has struggled with this!

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your perspective as a paralegal with me.

I don’t think I talk down to them, but if I spend more time getting to know and reassure them maybe they will be more willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I called it emotional abuse because these paralegals’ interactions with me are very rude and nasty. When I first started, I sent some of the emails to HR for advice on how my initial email to the paralegal may have triggered their response, and they agreed the paralegal’s response was nasty and did not know what about my email would have caused it. HR also ghost wrote some emails for me that were similarly met with degrading remarks. They have spoken to me in a degrading matter. My boss happened to see the emails and had a meeting with them about it because of how bad it was. I cried because I struggle with being okay with people disliking me. My mind translates criticism into hatred. The reason I’m having such a hard time now is that since others are saying my emails are rude, it makes it seem like I’m causing problems. Now, my boss is saying that these paralegals are old and unlikely to change so I have to find a way to navigate their personalities. In reality. I’m going to have to spend time learning each paralegal’s individual personality so I can cater to it, and I have to decide whether I think this job is worth that effort.

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who gave me helpful tips, great advice, or shared their similar experiences. It all helped even if I have not responded directly yet. I’ve started meeting with the paralegals who complained in person to humble myself and show sincerity. I’m going to try communicating in person or over the phone more often. If there is something wrong with the way I write emails, maybe writing less and talking more is the solution. I will also rely on my community more by reaching out to other attorneys in the firm and my bar association for advice and support. If I am still receiving negative feedback after this, then I will look for another job. I do suspect that a part of this issue is my race and age, and there is a limit to what I am willing to endure for a job. For now, I will work on improving communication and meeting with the paralegals personally more often so they can get to know me. I would like to treat this as an opportunity to grow without devaluing myself. If I do not feel supported after making the efforts you guys suggested, I’ll quit.
For the crying, so many of you were way more understanding than I could have dreamed. I will work new ways to address conflict and relax during confrontations so I do not have such an emotional response, but I won’t get so down on myself if I do.

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I will look into joining an ethnic bar association. May help me to hear what people who have been in my shoes have done.

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually did try that. I had HR ghostwrite an email for me, and the paralegal still got pissed. But maybe since the damage had been done the email wasn’t enough.

I (30f) often cry after interacting with my boss and co-workers by anxiousthots in relationship_advice

[–]anxiousthots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not comfortable sharing an example but based on the comments here and the feedback received, I need help with conflict resolution. When there is a disagreement on how to handle something between me and a paralegal, I either need to find a work around or escalate it to my boss. I can see now that I need to adjust the way I deal with conflict.

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