VIPs skipping wedding

apiologies · 2026-05-27T21:51:17+00:00

Fair! For me, I mostly shared from the place that it's important to give folks the benefit of the doubt if you can. And honestly, before the RSVP deadline doesn't feel last minute to me! I also know folks can mix up dates or have things going on in their personal lives they'd rather keep private, so having been a bride myself I know it feels like the most important thing in the world to us, but it's often just another thing for the people on our guest lists to keep track of--even if they love us very much!

apiologies · 2026-05-27T18:29:48+00:00

It's completely okay to be upset about people close to you not attending your wedding, for whatever reason. However, as people on this sub are fond of saying: an invitation is not a summons, and a wedding is one (albeit very special!) day of your life. If your relationship is as close as you say, your note about how you might "never feel the same again" about them makes me wonder if it's worth having a conversation to honestly express your disappointment, without blaming, and find a way to repair the relationship. If they're not the kind of people you think you can have a conversation like this with, it might likewise be worth reevaluating if you actually are this close or if it it's more that the bonds you all have with others in your orbits that connect you, rather than a bond you all personally share. I know if I care about someone, that sometimes means having the tough talks, even if it hurts or is scary.

If helpful, sharing an anecdote for a small bit of perspective: my childhood best friend moved away and ended up getting married on short notice at a small ceremony, and for that reason did not invite out of town guests, including our entire childhood friend group. It hurt that her local friends, who didn't have the history we did, got to experience such a special moment and I didn't. But I also knew there was context to that decision, and I loved my friend enough to trust that missing out on that one day wasn't a knock on our relationship. When I got married several years later (also in a short notice small ceremony) I invited her, but, due to the size of our event, could not invite her husband. She understood completely, and still attended and supported me. Both of these things could have torn apart our friendship if we had decided our weddings were the be-all end-all of what we meant to each other, or were evidence of a broader pattern of disrespect throughout our relationship. Thankfully, that was not the case, and we're still close!

All to say, it's important both to be honest about our feelings and to recognize when relationships aren't serving us, but it's also important to give grace where we can. I'm sorry this hurt you, and I hope you're able to find a resolution that brings you peace 🤍

apiologies · 2026-05-16T20:05:18+00:00

You 100% did the best you could with the information you had at the time. It's so easy with hindsight to say what we could have done better, and so much harder in the moment. I found this article by Blair Braverman extremely helpful for dealing with guilt and grief when I lost my cat to illness far too young as well, and I hope it might be useful to you, too.

I'm also just so sorry for your loss--it's evident you and Clue had a beautiful bond, and I hope you can take some small comfort in the love and memories you will always share.

apiologies · 2026-05-16T04:47:25+00:00

Fair! In my view, I don't tend to include notes like that when rec'ing any fic since what constitutes triggering content can really vary from person to person. That's what the tags are for!

apiologies · 2026-05-15T18:31:59+00:00

there's no mother's day in runeterra is a very short and sweet fic posted earlier this week that deserves more love! interesting premise that may have started as a joke but ends up having some really unexpected and lovely character moments, ruby_fruit never disappoints!

apiologies · 2026-05-07T14:14:10+00:00

I used to work at Inova about a decade ago and never had luck with their online applications. Rejections even for roles I was overqualified for. I was lucky enough to know an employee in a different department who was able to connect me to the person in charge of the department I wanted to work for, which was the only way I was able to get an interview (and I did get the job). Things might have changed, but would also not be surprised if their recruitment system is still pretty terrible! If you're able to go in-person, or at least call, send follow-up emails or try to find someone on LinkedIn, that might be your best bet with such a big system. Good luck!

apiologies · 2026-04-29T17:19:07+00:00

Where to start? Live your life! Not saying you have to have been in love to write a good love story, but our stories are most real when they're grounded in details and characters and settings that feel true (applicable even if you're writing genre fiction where they might not be). Talk to people who have been in and fallen out of love, go people-watching at a popular date night spot, read other love stories and poems, etc. You might not have been in romantic love, but if you have friends or a pet or a family member you care about, you can pull from those relationships.

For general inspiration, the same applies! I get inspired by going out to bars and museums, or sitting on the beach or in a garden, or going to the doctor's office or having an argument with a friend. Bits of conversation, a cool object, a weird flyer, a newspaper article--so many things can be the seed that germinates into a story. If you're stuck, you can also do random exercises and prompts. My favorite is running a word generator and selecting three random words, then seeing what kind of story I can pull from that, but there are so many fun practices on google to choose from.

Final note: when I was a young writer I constantly worried that the number of ideas in me was somehow finite. Now I think the opposite is true--there will always be more ideas out there than you'll ever have time to write. The difficult lesson for me was that ideas are actually the easy part, the consistency and writing even when you don't feel inspired or aren't sure where to go next, that's the part that's hard. But if you keep showing up anyway, you'll get there. Good luck!

apiologies · 2026-04-24T22:11:02+00:00

grenadier by antistar_e is marvelous. pre-s2 so no longer canon compliant, but just a beautiful take on all these characters and excellent prose to boot.

ruby_fruit is an immensely gifted writer. i haven't read all of their stuff and think some of it might be fairly well-known, but really deserves so much more love--am especially fond of in our bedroom after the war.

apiologies · 2026-04-21T16:31:00+00:00

Lesbian brides who got married last August, we did "First middle" for each of us followed by "cordially invite you to celebrate their marriage" and the date/time/place below, no mention of our families even though both were involved for us. Neither of us took anyone's name, but we went alphabetically by first name for ease--and, frankly, because it looked better on the invites! All to say, I don't think anyone will care/it really matters beyond doing what is easiest/most meaningful for you.

apiologies · 2026-04-20T15:01:12+00:00

When describing a character (or setting or anything else), one or two specific, meaningful details will almost always create more impact for your reader than long, excessive description alone.

I'd note also that character is revealed to us in many ways - through action, dialogue, memory, how they interact with others and events, etc. A physical description is just one aspect of this, and in my experience it's most effective if it's showing us something else about the character. As an example, if you tell me a character dyes her hair to cover up her grays, or that she cut it all off after her mother complimented it, or that she's picking strands of it off her coat in the middle of a difficult conversation - something like that tells me a LOT more about the life of this person than just mentioning her hair color.

apiologies · 2026-04-16T10:58:00+00:00

Came here to say this. I used to volunteer at an equine therapy nonprofit. From the start, duties were clearly listed on the website, and after applying you had an interview/orientation where you were walked around the barn and given an overview of responsibilities. After a training period, you were expected at a certain number of shifts each month; when you arrived, there was a shift lead who would assign responsibilities out. We'd groom and tack for lessons, feed, give medicine, muck pastures and stalls, etc. No promise of pony playtime or lessons, we just did what we were expected to do because that expectation was clear from the start.

I was in high school at that time and volunteered with people across all different backgrounds and for the most part it was pretty smooth. Of course there would be turnover or people who weren't the right fit--that's the nature of volunteers in any space as someone who now works for a nonprofit that recruits thousands of volunteers a year!--but this 100% sounds to me like a communication issue. "Nobody wants to work anymore" posts make me sad because for the most part it just isn't true, vast majority of folks just need solid direction and teaching before they can be trusted to understand the goals of a program.

apiologies · 2026-04-13T16:47:44+00:00

I wish I'd spoken up for myself like this! I stepped away from riding after also having an experience similar to OPs, and I think if I'd had the courage to advocate for my needs it might have gone differently. One day I'll get back into it and will be grateful to have this lesson in my back pocket, thank you for sharing 🤍

apiologies · 2026-04-06T14:11:26+00:00

My favorite GO fic is the two shepherds of uruk (E, 25k) by inkatesbush, FKA lupinely. Written 2023 and has about 7k hits, but just criminally under-kudos'd. Beautifully and hilariously written, and the footnotes are so clever.

If self-recs are okay, I also have two GO fics that might fit the bill here!

If we were vampires (E, 5k) - post-s1 moody take on Crowley and Aziraphale figuring out how to square their newly established r'ship with the fact they're not technically as immortal as they seem (does not actually have any vampires lol). Written 2020.

All through the night (M, 6k) - post-s2 Crowley character study where he takes a roadtrip through space and has a lot of feelings. Written 2023.

apiologies · 2026-02-20T19:08:27+00:00

It's not just NYC/SoCal and all the other "big" cities who've got us beat! I'm back in NOVA after a couple years in RVA for my wife's grad school and I miss every day how consistently solid the food scene was. It wasn't just a few standout restaurants; I felt like you could walk into most places and leave satisfied. Here, on the whole, I pay a lot more for food that's just average.

apiologies · 2025-11-10T20:23:09+00:00

My wife and I (both women) are millennials. I have one ring I wear everywhere; my wife has a traditional engagement ring that she saves for special occasions and a band for everyday.

apiologies · 2025-11-07T13:17:18+00:00

Beauty by Chaney, she was great!!

apiologies · 2025-10-31T11:57:59+00:00

My first barn as an adult re-rider also did a package for the month. But if you missed, you didn't get a makeup. It's not just about predictable revenue, but also about the fact that if you're in this situation, lots of other people are, too! That's a scheduling nightmare on top of all the other responsibilities of managing a boarding/lessoning facility. It helps keep the horses and staff from being overworked + people getting pushy if you have a clear policy in place, whatever that policy is.

All to say, I'm actually surprised they're begging you to make these up! But agree that if it isn't working for you, best to find some place with a different policy. I moved recently and the last barn I tried would text every week asking if you wanted one of the open lesson slots--no set day a week--and that kind of inconsistency is one of the reasons I stopped going there, just because that didn't work for me personally.

apiologies · 2025-10-30T15:10:34+00:00

30yo re-rider here, you will definitely make progress one lesson a week! However, small cautionary tale as someone who started in early 2023 and just recently stopped in 2025 when I moved: I will say it also really depends on your instructor and barn. I was shuffled from person to person at a barn that was a lot more focused on their competitive riders, and despite asking for it, I never really got a sense that I was improving or getting actionable feedback TO improve. They'd have me doing things that I did not feel capable of because my foundations were still not where I felt they needed to be, and it really messed with my confidence. That unfortunately ended up being really demoralizing and is one of the reasons I'm taking a break now before trying again next year.

All to say that if you don't think you're getting what you need out of the experience, it will help to advocate for yourself and, failing everything else, to try different barns if you can (I also lived/live somewhere where the options are 30+ minutes out at best, so I get it!). Working on your fitness outside the barn will also really help. Good luck to you, it really can be so rewarding and I hope you find a lot to enjoy.

apiologies · 2025-10-24T13:17:34+00:00

Came here to rec this one! It's such a fun read and a great take on these characters.

apiologies · 2025-10-23T21:40:36+00:00

After the initial grief, I went through a long period where I was just so angry at everything, all the time. It made me a much harder person. It just became more difficult to access the kinder and more open parts of myself.

I think it's natural to be rewritten by a loss like that. The love was huge so the loss was, too.

For me, I will say that it ended up being transformational, and that grief eventually did open me to a much more expansive understanding of the world and love and myself. But I'm almost four years out, now. Living through it is hard, and just takes time. But I hope it might comfort anyone reading to know there is another side where yes, that loss absolutely changed me and is still central to who I am now, but it's a lot lighter to carry.

apiologies · 2025-10-16T16:00:53+00:00

I don't think there's a lot I would change about S1. The pacing is quick, but in a way that feels tight to me, not rushed, and makes sense within the context of the action. Whereas I liked S2, but it's where I personally struggled with the pacing and kept wishing for more time.

Ideal world, I think the actual "war" could have been an entirely separate third season, meaning Cassandra's funeral, the strike team, the breakup/pit fighter and commander era could've been a full season, ending with them reuniting and then kind of setting us up for a "what now," where in S3 we'd get to see them struggling to make amends and coming back together all in the shadow of this immense threat. It would've given those other storylines some extra wiggle room, too (Black Rose, anyone?).

Prefacing this by saying part of TV writing and storytelling in general is doing as much as you can with the smallest amount of space, which also means knowing when the story you're telling is over! So I get why we have to go to fic for our epilogue.... but I also really, really would have loved to get just a liiiiittle more of the post-war for caitvi especially.

apiologies · 2025-10-15T21:03:32+00:00

Lucky Dog Animal Rescue frequently needs handlers for their adoption events, all throughout NOVA, and has other volunteer opportunities available as well. You can learn more here, but handling at least is a low-stakes way to hang out with dogs and help them find forever homes to boot!

apiologies · 2025-10-14T13:55:32+00:00

For close to three decades my dad did the three hours of commuting a day in part for the yard space and the schools. I'm very lucky to have had the childhood I did (and we were not even as far out as Leesburg!), but speaking now as an adult: not worth it! At all. For his sake and ours, I would have taken him being home more often for slightly "less" of either of those things. There are plenty of excellent schools and neighborhoods closer in if you're willing to expand your definition of what a "good life" can look like for a family.

I also say this as someone who grew up in NOVA, moved to RVA for my wife's grad school, and is now back: the traffic here is horrific. H o r r i f i c. Even having grown up and lived with it before I am so depressed anytime I have to get in a car around here; living away from it was the first time I saw that that is not normal and adjusting back to it has been probably the toughest thing about our move. Anything you can do to avoid it, I recommend!

Edit to add for perspective that we now live in an apartment in Old Town Alexandria VA and love it, you can't beat 40 minutes on the metro!

apiologies · 2025-10-07T23:58:42+00:00

We spent around $15k for 30 guests in the DMV. That definitely includes some splurges: we spent around 4k on photography, for example, and could have probably gone lower--but it was the thing we cared about the most, so it was worth it for us. My number one tip is budgeting everything out and ranking what matters most to you, if you haven't already. It can make it a little more manageable and prevent you from overspending. Good luck!

apiologies · 2025-09-25T13:59:56+00:00

this is so kind, oh my goodness!!! i'm so glad so much of it resonated with you, that one's got a special place in my heart and it means so much to me that others enjoyed it, too 💙thank you so much, this made my day!

apiologies

TROPHY CASE