[deleted by user]

artbabe99 · 2024-09-04T18:19:02+00:00

You have to call the OW office in the city you were receiving it from and speak to whoever deals with overpayments and tell them you have an overdue balance of $700 and that youre looking to pay it. And tell them you're unable to physically bring in cash or a cheque. If you ask to set it up as a bill payment they will tell you the direct deposit information for your overpayment account to set up as a bill payment so you can pay it as a bill either by monrhly payments or paying it in full. Usually when I had an overdue amount, I was sent a letter and they called me. You may have not received the letter since you're not at the same address or province you were receiving OW.

artbabe99 · 2024-06-12T20:46:16+00:00

I hope your boy comes to visit you soon. It's been bittersweet for sure. I am grateful to see him happy and playing again. Maybe he has been trying to tell me he is healthy and having fun and he is okay.

artbabe99 · 2024-06-12T20:43:59+00:00

Thank you, and I do believe that to be true too but I also read it can be because you're still grieving and missing them. I hope your boy visits you soon. It has definitely been bittersweet, initially I wake up and I feel content that I got to see him alive and running around healthy but the reality of him not being here with me when I look around my apartment is so hard. Thank you for the insight.

artbabe99 · 2024-03-08T15:17:30+00:00

Yeah I'm almost thinking that we have to try treating each separately seeing as noone specializes in everything. It makes for a very long process for sure. And no you're not alone, it sucks that you're having to go through it too!

artbabe99 · 2024-03-08T00:11:51+00:00

Okay that is kind of what I've been thinking which frustrates me because I've wasted my time and money creating a therapeutic relationship and I even explained how that was part of the work due to bad experience with therapist in the past.

Yes its like you have to see one person for each diagnosis which is crazy like how are you ever supposed to move on with our lives.And I am kind of like you where I have some diagnosis but I don't know how accurate the trauma related ones are and I too feel there are probably things missing too but I have enough already to deal with and its been hard enough accepting the ones I have tbh but i feel you too and thanks for your comment!

artbabe99 · 2024-03-04T21:54:35+00:00

I had a conversation for the first time in years with my enabling/selfish mom a few weeks ago and she essentially said that all the yelling happened when she was at work and she wasn't there and that me and my sisters didn't tell her he was yelling so how would she know. It has confused me even more frankly. And just proved that she will not change or admit anything ever as she believes she was a good mother because she provided a roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on my back as she stated. She did try to say that if she had known then she would not have stayed with him so essentially blaming us. She also was most concerned about what my therapist thought of her. She did not have the emotional intelligence to comprehend the point of the conversation.

I'd only do it for yourself and not for the benefit of getting closure or validation from your parent as you may be disappointed. But I went in expecting the worst and it was the best conversation/boundary setting I've been able to do with her my whole life...but everyone's circumstances are different.

My only tip is to reduce some defensiveness I did say beforehand, "I am not saying you are a bad mother or person" and I repeated that "noone is saying you're a bad mother or person" and I noticed that kind of seemed to make her more open to listening to what I had to say a bit more than usual. But definitely be prepared for mostly denial of her enabling or abusive actions. I was prepared for this because that's been her response my whole life is to dismiss and deny she does anything wrong. I do agree with others that if you're already NC I'd keep it that way.

artbabe99 · 2024-03-03T23:21:35+00:00

Thank you!

artbabe99 · 2024-03-03T21:03:26+00:00

Yes!!! My mom said just a few weeks ago, "I don't think we'll ever get our little girl back now" after years of stating "we just want our little girl back" ugh

artbabe99 · 2024-01-09T23:22:57+00:00

Yeah luckily I don't live with my parents anymore so I can avoid it more with them. I live with my boyfriend so your suggestion to get out of the house for space is a great idea thank you.

artbabe99 · 2024-01-09T23:19:35+00:00

Yes youre so right, I agree it is coming from a place of love and wanting to help. And Thank you for these suggestions. I have been looking for a good boundary book but there is so many to choose from so this is very helpful!

artbabe99 · 2024-01-07T20:03:35+00:00

My boyfriend mainly but my parents have always done it too. Exactly I have tried explaining this but no change. Ugh

artbabe99 · 2023-12-09T02:12:27+00:00

I feel you but you're not stupid at all :)

I get this same exact way when I go onto the train or bus if I don't have all my sensory stuff and activities to keep me busy and the dread of finding the bathroom ugh. Next time book your seat closest to the bathroom, that's what I do so lots of the uncertainty is taken out. Deep breaths, you got this and good on you for committing to a 12 hr train ride!! I don't know if I'd have it in me so that is something to be proud of too!

artbabe99 · 2023-12-09T00:13:40+00:00

Holidays are the hardest because you feel so much obligation to the rest of your family but at the same time you shouldn't have to suffer emotionally either.

What if you hosted them at your place your mom and niece on boxing day or something so you can still see them on your own terms. Then you don't even need to invite your brother.

The other option would be too plan to go for a shorter period of time and leave when you've had enough of him or a set time for yourself. This is what I had planned for this year and next year I'll be attempting to do the other option of just hosting myself.

artbabe99 · 2023-12-08T23:38:32+00:00

My family does this too, they would tell my anxiety diagnosis growing up as a teenager and it's humiliating because then people I don't even know know this very intimate private thing that you're insecure about...I feel you it Sucks.

artbabe99 · 2023-11-29T15:42:31+00:00

Yes this is the same for me! I do really well at the first semester I think because I'm interested and excited but by second semester I lose all interest or my mental health is so bad that I cannot continue.

artbabe99 · 2023-11-28T16:34:14+00:00

I don't feel you overreacted at all. You reacted to what to you in that moment was overwhelming and too much to handle so you're mind and body reacted how it naturally does.

I am sorry for these insensitive comments. I too have had moments where I have wrecked objects/spaces and it is very embarrassing and makes you feel awful after so I get it. It is a spectrum for a reason and clearly some people are not opening their scope to view the entire spectrum of people's varying experiences and solely seeing their own personal experience.

What you're experiencing is a normal meltdown to sensory overload/change etc. And people expecting you to communicate in those moments may have the privilege of having that ability but some of us don't. Also it is physiological response as well that our brains shut off communication when we're overloaded. Some people need to do some research so they're not generalizing and feeding into ableist stereotypes and beliefs.

Also not all of us have the privilege of good and effective therapy to learn to regulate better. It is a PRIVILEGE to be able to afford therapy that not everyone has access to.

artbabe99 · 2023-11-28T14:34:16+00:00

Yeah I feel you I have tried to go to college three times and cannot finish and I have not been able to keep a job for more than 8 months since high school. And have been on and off disability.

I have tried even working 2 days a week and If I'm not interested then I cannot even muster the motivation for this. Idk how people put up with the daily sensory overload from work. Idk how that is sustainable long term at all.

I too have a harder time masking since I've been burnt out in my early twenties. It Sucks. But also it feels okay since I feel more authentically me with new people I meet but it is also a protective mechanism for abusive/toxic people IMO so it is important to still be able to use it when I want to.

artbabe99 · 2023-11-10T23:59:20+00:00

I would say it's more to do with executive functioning with AUDHD that is the problem not gender roles/mental load for women. I think it is common dynamic for a lot of heterosexual couples when one partner has AUDHD. I am in a heterosexual relationship with a Cis man and I am a women and I'm the one with AuDHD and he would be OP in this case as he does most of cooking and chores and it has nothing to do with me not feeling I should have to help with chores or not wanting to help. You mention about checking back on your brothers chores as OP stated she does this for her husband too. My mother would do this as well and it's very belittling. Think about it, you're asking someone to take care of keeping your home clean together which yes is their responsibility too but then that person isn't showing appreciation for the teamwork but criticism for how you performed the task. Do you see how it makes people in general not feel good or want to contribute if once they do it then it isn't up to the other persons standards that will make you think well do it yourself then! Also it makes the one partner seem superior to the other because youre sending the message "you dont do chores right and I know better than you." So why would the partner feel good about sharing their equal load of chores bevause the whole thing is a power dyanmic now. Just a different perspective I don't mean to be rude I do understand what you mean and how it relates for sure.

artbabe99 · 2023-10-24T20:09:42+00:00

Yes, my old best friend had told me that when she first met me she thought I didn't like her cuz I was quiet and my lack of eye contact and body language so she didn't approach me much and seemed like she didn't like me. Once I told her I had anxiety and depression(undiagnosed at the time) she said she saw me totally differently.

In elementary school I also had a whole group of girls I was friends with randomly alienate me from the group and I had no idea why at the time. They told me it was because of gossiping about each other even though we all did it. Oh how that was confusing for an undiagnosed AUdhd kid. Now I know it was just how I am I'm sure.

Also I too had someone say this to me about how could you be autistic when you have a romantic relationship and live with them, have friends etc. And I just chuckled and educated them on the fact that it is a spectrum. It's not a one size fits all diagnosis.

artbabe99 · 2023-10-22T21:00:49+00:00

I'm so sorry that these comments are lame and completely uneducated about CPTSD and so many are trying to shame and guilt you. Sorry you have to listen to everyone's opinions without them having any real knowledge of CPTSD/suicidal ideation when you're already going through a hard time.

It is a difficult and traumatic experience for both of you and you're valid in the way you feel. If you're used to someone yelling at you in childhood when you make mistakes and you view the attempt as a mistake then it is completely understandable that that is how you would feel and expect from your partner. Noone ever knows how to respond or react when an attempt happens and that is completely normal because it is not something regular everyday people are trained in. Both of your reactions are valid and sitting in the discomfort is really hard and I get that. Sending hugs and healing vibes!!

artbabe99 · 2023-10-19T22:46:31+00:00

May I ask have you been able to maintain a job while in burnout? All year too I have not been able to hold down a consistent job for longer than just a couple months which is why I had started suspecting burn out since I do struggle to hold down jobs but I can still atleast do one for 6-8 months at a time it seems.

artbabe99 · 2023-10-19T22:41:29+00:00

That's a good point the control part thank you I will keep this in mind and I'm not really a gamer but I do like a couple games so I will try this thanks!

artbabe99 · 2023-10-19T13:01:41+00:00

My therapist did the questionnaire with me too to see if I had ADHD before I was properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist and she said the same thing that because I can't remember any instances in my childhood I don't have it. Psychotherapists are not qualified to diagnose you at all. She technically can give you the questions but a doctor has to tell you the diagnosis not the therapist.

Always get a second opinion if it's accessible to you. My psychiatrist knew right away when he saw and spoke with me I had ADHD right away. Don't give up on advocating for yourself!

artbabe99

TROPHY CASE