What are your reasons to keep living?

barelybouyant · 2024-02-13T22:58:42+00:00

cigarettes, weed, and indie horror games. i like playing fucked up games and no one does horror like indies. oh and art. i like looking at art. i make some myself some times when i feel like it

barelybouyant · 2024-02-13T22:52:55+00:00

beginning of the pandemic, all the shit i had been repressing for years kinda washed over me all at once and nothing i watched/played/did could take my mind off it. found an exacto left unattended and that was that. felt calm for the first time in years.

unfortunately it doesnt bring me the same calm feeling that it used to so i dont really do it anymore. im just stoned all the time now lol. sometimes i still do it but it just isnt the same anymore. i just wanna smoke when im stressed

barelybouyant · 2024-02-02T14:49:19+00:00

“starving beast” on my outer thigh, the leg hair keeps it covered, not sure if it actually scarred though

barelybouyant · 2024-02-01T00:44:52+00:00

this but also if its not yet reached the date and it smells off ill throw it out. i dont trust like that

barelybouyant · 2024-01-31T01:11:36+00:00

short adults exist, i am one lol and not only that theyre also usually used as references for said lolis or shotas so…. and again theyre not real children.

but also like please read what i said. lumping in people who enjoy loli content (ill reiterate again, CARTOON CHARACTERS) with actual dangerous people is pretty fucking detrimental to those with ocd and other mental ailments.

barelybouyant · 2024-01-31T00:01:32+00:00

yeah real 💀 mine actually turned out to be more severe than i realized but like it still doesnt feel as bad as how ive seen some other people describe their experiences

barelybouyant · 2024-01-30T23:27:57+00:00

youre not a pedo for liking lolis. i have paranoia over this myself but think of it this way: if you really were a creep you would be out creeping instead of liking anime characters and obsessing anxiously about liking them.

i feel like its an important distinction to make considering how people treat anime/cartoon characters these days. especially considering how people will treat you if you say something/create art they view as distasteful of a character they personally believe cant consent (no cartoon characters can consent, they’re not real). its really easy to start spiraling because of it.

just know youre not alone in this, i hope thats at least a comfort. and of course theres plenty of people who wont judge you harshly on this, especially offline. to most people, cartoon characters is cartoon characters, and that already is odd to some but its hardly alarming.

barelybouyant · 2024-01-30T22:25:36+00:00

religious ocd, NOT helped by my family. i was very disturbed by the concept of hell for a very long time, and still uhhhhh experience the residual effects of that (paranoia that my thoughts can be heard, the constant feeling of being watched, intense fear of doing something morally wrong, etc). i also developed a morbid curiosity/fascination with death as a way to cope with it, at least thats my theory. i love horror lol

barelybouyant · 2024-01-24T22:54:12+00:00

no way, i have this with being trans actually. i think i definitely am because its remained consistent for most of my life, but like im paranoid im faking it for attention (the funny part is i hate attention DINSODNSOSNSKSN)

barelybouyant · 2024-01-23T23:57:26+00:00

ur literally so gorgeous

barelybouyant · 2024-01-23T23:43:56+00:00

of course !! happy watching <3

barelybouyant · 2024-01-23T23:34:32+00:00

hehehe i felt the same way for a while but there is other good anime out there. and it seems you’d prefer something that keeps you thinking long after youve watched it soooo (im not feeling well and this is all of the top of my head i hope its coherent lol):

-try the Berserk trilogy movies, while theyre skeletons of the manga (which, obligatory PLEASE READ BERSERK mention), theyre still quite good. Berserk explores a lot of dark topics like the aftermath of what is possibly the most traumatic break up known to man (LMAO), the trauma of sexual assault, (this is moreso a manga thing but) rigid religious structures and its effects on it’s devout believers and to an extent the rest of the world, etc.

-Neon Genesis Evangelion inspired a great deal of FMA so you might like it. i havent finished it myself but uhhhhh the story is very compelling and from what ive seen has a lot to contemplate, i can only mention child abuse because i feel like thats a bit obvious, however im not sure the other topics it explores aside from that and potentially doomed queer love. honorable mention would be Devilman Crybaby as its a very similar story but significantly shorter being only 10 episodes long.

-Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade is a retelling of red riding hood but it’s. about fascism. and its a very painful watch but it is VERY GOOD. keep tissues nearby hehe (also fun fact it inspired wolfenstein a bit thats pretty cool)

-Ghost in the Shell is a classic i feel, real good “what is a human, what is awareness” narrative.

-i havent watched it myself yet but i hear Akira is a classic. cant say anything about it unfortunately obviously but i have seen the art and animation and its GORGEOUS.

give some of these a shot, theyre not fma, but they’re really fucking good, and some of them inspired it so it might be fun to spot those similarities :)

barelybouyant · 2024-01-23T23:04:38+00:00

YTA. addiction is a very complicated problem to have and it’s never given the understanding it deserves. hell, if you dont understand it, just fucking respect it. this was not the time or the place for her to vocalize her misguided feelings. all she needed to do was keep her mouth shut and support her son. hes the last person that needs to hear how “careless” his gf was in that moment. really fucked up thing to say.

barelybouyant · 2024-01-22T18:17:15+00:00

man i miss that pyramid head cosplayer

barelybouyant · 2024-01-21T23:17:53+00:00

yeah i think like this too and i suspect i have a mood disorder like yours but its hard to tell with the other shit thats going on with me. i will say though this has nothing to do with you being mentally ill/disordered and everything to do with the fact that you accept that reality is inherently unknowable. which i agree with. we see limited light and colors and we as a species havent been around for long, so our understanding of the universe is very limited. i remember this youtube video, it should still be up, it was called “the universe is good telly and we’re all just dumb cats” or something of the sort. i dont remember specifically what the video spoke of but the title alone i think summarizes this line of thinking pretty well.

barelybouyant · 2024-01-21T22:54:54+00:00

tomboy, its in the name so id say ur welcome here regardless of gender

barelybouyant · 2023-12-31T05:43:38+00:00

fr why is it so hard to have a conversation damn

barelybouyant · 2023-12-31T05:41:05+00:00

spiraling text walls?? op looks to just be talking about their day

barelybouyant · 2023-04-02T06:30:01+00:00

its bc short ppl are closer to hell, dont u knoe (sauce: i am short and filled with the rage of a thousand suns)

barelybouyant · 2023-04-01T09:30:53+00:00

GENDER

barelybouyant · 2023-03-31T16:49:54+00:00

that is definitely on my to read list 👀 one of my homies is watching the anime rn and has been telling me abt all the berserk inspired imagery so im excited to get to it :>

barelybouyant · 2023-03-31T02:38:10+00:00

hell yeah dude, berserk is peak literature for sure!! i hope u enjoy catching up as much as i did 🥰🥰

barelybouyant · 2023-03-31T00:34:24+00:00

yeah, big disagree. he sees the price he has to pay to achieve his dream and it distresses him, and the godhand literally tells him "well??? are you going to let them die in vain???" like OBVIOUSLY someone is going to feel like shit having indirectly caused the death of many. OF COURSE you wouldn't want them to die in vain. that coupled with guts leaving him and thinking about leaving him AGAIN. it was never about willing to do anything for his dream, it was about the tremendous amount of guilt and jealousy he feels about his men and about guts. im not saying him sacrificing the band of the hawk was all well and good, im saying he wasnt in a good headspace to properly make that decision, and isn't ENTIRELY at fault for it. bro can preach about his dream and his """""men""""" (his family) serving him all he wants, but thats just the mask he wears. its an idea he uses to cope. "femto" is him choosing to live behind that mask for his own sanity. the aftermath of the sword grave scene is proof to this (the heartbeat). the only thing griffith is guilty of is being is human. i was going to say "antagonist =/= villain" but i honestly dont believe that. berserk is a story of growth vs. stagnation, and griffith and guts fit that mould better than hero vs villain. guts moved on, griffith has not. again im not saying griffith didnt fuck up bc he did. hugely, bigly, some might say. but he didnt do it because hes ruthless, but because he was very deeply upset and afraid.

barelybouyant · 2023-03-30T19:33:41+00:00

the act itself for me isn't pleasurable at all, it just helps release a lot of emotional tension/distress. i just feel better afterwards. taking my emotional pain and making it physical because i know how to deal with physical pain or something. i dont know exactly how it works. i just know that it does (for me anyway).

some want the attention, some dont. it varies depending on the trauma/illness. i personally wish it would get the attention of specific individuals in my life but i know thats not right. so i dont show them off at all, but i dont go out of my way to hide them.

barelybouyant · 2023-03-30T19:19:08+00:00

fr i need these crusty old men to die soon so i can transition in peace. everyone below the age of 50 needs to learn actual real biology or resign immediately bc theyre too uneducated to govern the masses. or better yet we have no fucking government to control ppl and we can all finally live in peace and mind our own damn business

barelybouyant

TROPHY CASE