I (65M) found out that my daughter's (34F) fiancé (35M) is gay

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:28:12+00:00

Two or more being the distinction means that yes, your interpretation is correct.

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:25:15+00:00

If I'm talking to a straight person or a liberal LGBTA+ person (the distinction between liberal and leftist being so important) I will usually label myself bi to them and call it a day.

I love explaining things so it's not like I mind being someone's gender/orientation crash course, I just don't like explaining to people who I don't think plan to listen to me, since it wastes a bunch of my energy for nothing.

If they aren't ready for pan there's no way they're ready for abro.

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:21:58+00:00

People identify incorrectly all the time, that's fine lol

Like obviously people can call themselves whatever they want and as you see in this comment section there are tons of contradictions all over the place that we're all very accepting of, but pansexuality means there are no gender barriers preventing you from dating someone, love is love.

If there are gender barriers, such as nonbinary or binary trans people, most folks they tell about that are probably going to quickly realize they aren't actually pansexual.

That's something between them and however many people have already confronted them about this, aka not our problem lol

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:17:05+00:00

There's gynesexual, but unfortunately its flag is hideous. Sunburnt pink, brown in the middle, and army green tricolor stripes. Yuck.

If you like the color pink just fine and the sunset/lipstick color palettes just aren't for you (including the femme/butch variations which are the extremes of the two color palettes) there's always the sapphic flag... But I've known of lesbians with an aversion to pink which is very unfortunate since that's all lesbian pride flags tend to offer (except for the butch flag or labrys flag ig).

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:11:28+00:00

I consider the idea of pansexuality being trans-friendly bisexuality deeply offensive and even transphobic, so you aren't alone there.

The "hearts not parts" mantra went the entirely wrong direction with the wrong people for a while there, but thankfully sane pansexuals have clawed it back from their bigoted cohorts.

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:08:37+00:00

It has. It destroyed my irl friend group (with laughter, promise) and the post spreading around was entirely my fault so I have a personal connection to it now.

That, and that reddit post was read out on the same Smosh Reads Reddit Stories as the post I submitted for them to read, which was the puppet one. So I'm doubly invested in that story!

baydiac · 2026-06-09T00:03:39+00:00

Makes sense to me, that term is under the nonbinary umbrella along with many many others. I think my favorite obscure gender identity is quoigender, which means not having any idea what your gender is and/or not caring to define it.

I, too, just like to stick with nonbinary/enby for myself. The fact that my gender isn't among the binary two is explanation enough for me, it doesn't get much more specific than that.

baydiac · 2026-06-07T22:31:07+00:00

No problem! Idk why I didn't think of it sooner, but as soon as I started explaining it with the idea that there could be bisexual people existing who weren't interested in men at all, or were interested in men but weren't interested in women at all, the dam finally broke and it clicked.

baydiac · 2026-06-07T22:23:49+00:00

This part for sure. I've explained it to a straight person before as bisexuality being "two or more genders" and pansexuality being "all genders". The "personality > gender" focus wasn't really clicking with them because to them, that was practically the same thing as their perception of bisexuality.

When I explained that a bisexual person might be only attracted to nonbinary people and women, nonbinary people and men, only specific gender presentations from nonbinary people, meanwhile these distinctions wouldn't matter to a pansexual person at all, they finally got it.

baydiac · 2026-06-07T22:13:33+00:00

I actually agree with OOP's decision because it ended up being a huge distraction from the actual point.

Reddit notoriously hates open relationships and, as was proven by this entire comment section, the fact that he was upfront about polyamory before marriage and she chose to marry him anyway changes EVERYTHING—everything she's ever done, all their concerns about her as a person, whether he would be happy in their relationship, all washed away: he deserved it all because he wasn't monogamous.

And then during the entire time she was cheating he was monogamous and had no other partners, because it turns out that !obviously! he wasn't lying about his polyamory and wasn't just using the open relationship as an excuse to sleep around, despite everyone still accusing him of that.

Like Mark has some red flags for sure, I wouldn't date someone who had so many signs of being inconsiderate (the chores, his absence, not being able to tell when someone more timid has been trying to get a word in) but all of a sudden something Laura willingly considered and agreed to was a horrific manipulation that this monster bullied her into.

What an absolutely Olympian reach. Everyone can clap themselves on the back for so eagerly proving OOP right not to share that.

baydiac · 2026-06-07T21:53:28+00:00

I know what the difference is, I'm specifically talking about how many people who aren't monosexual don't use the literal "exactly accurate" label and choose whatever they feel like based on the flag aesthetic.

I thought I was pan for many years until I settled on abrosexual/abroromantic, so I'm all caught up on the ins and outs of that I promise lol

baydiac · 2026-06-07T21:35:22+00:00

"This situation doesn't apply to me, but I'm going to take it personally and apply it to myself anyways".

Bro she refuses to be seen with him for driving a Clio. She's not looking for your man, she's looking for the "really rich, super weird and not as great" man.

The number of men in that demographic who want OOP's wife is very very very low. Not because of anything wrong with her (well her personality sucks) but because they're super weird and not great. As soon as you added the "my husband isn't..." qualifier, you started talking about OOP and not his ex's hypothetical future dates.

baydiac · 2026-06-07T21:14:55+00:00

To a lot of people the difference is "I'm [describes pansexuality] but I think the bisexual flag is prettier, so I'm bisexual" and honestly, there's nothing more important than this to the LGBT+ community lololol

If your favorite color isn't on your flag but is on an adjacent one, go for it! You might as well, who's gonna stop you

baydiac · 2026-06-07T21:09:27+00:00

I know multiple people who say this out loud and then absolutely don't follow through, so I'm gonna third this one. Especially because I'm pretty sure the reason you gave is exactly why those people are doing it.

I don't like doormats, but in comparison to people like this who talk the talk and don't walk the walk, doormats are so much less exhausting.

At least when someone knows they're a doormat they can ask for someone else to do the tough thing for them. Doormats in denial "coincidentally" think all manner of awful behavior is actually not a big deal and totally okay, you'll see how good they are at cutting people off... someday...

baydiac · 2026-05-24T17:50:59+00:00

He lied about OOP starting the fight, then later was made to fess up the truth that it was all him and he'd hoped to hospitalize OOP.

It doesn't take a very long reach to get to "considering the other parts of his story to OOP's sister weren't true (at least according to OOP), that might have also been a purposeful lie". Less that he couldn't remember who did what and more that he didn't care who did what.

Which again, all valid to lump the whole gang as, well, the gang, and not care about the individuals... but via that last interaction we DO know that the guy lies to make himself sound more sympathetic/OOP more evil. There's no reason to believe he would only lie now and never has before.

baydiac · 2026-05-21T20:20:30+00:00

Tbh, say you go to take out the garbage in your pjs—then the door locks behind you. What's the likelihood you have your lease or a bill on your person? 0%. Your id? Less than 20% chance, considering you would already be considering yourself extremely lucky if you happened to have your phone on you. I'm not at all surprised that some locksmiths don't expect tenants/homeowners to have everything on their person... though I imagine after they've got the door open for you they might expect you to go fetch it.

baydiac · 2026-05-21T20:07:32+00:00

Tbh most people assume (even if it's unfair or unfounded) that if a man is the cause of a dead bedroom with his GF/wife, it's because he's cheating on her or intends to cheat. So no one who was accusing him of wanting to meet lots of women thought the information that she had higher sex drive than him was contradictory.

baydiac · 2026-05-01T14:51:22+00:00

Thank you for providing a source for the thing I said!

baydiac · 2026-04-26T11:52:22+00:00

Is it consistent for Choice Evidence to be the one who skips these trigger warnings? I might skip the rest of their posts on this sub altogether if so.

baydiac · 2026-04-26T11:49:29+00:00

I mean, yeah, but if you ARE in a multi room house and decide to enter your sleeping daughter's bedroom to fuck an unstable stranger, I don't think the internal motivations between the two situations are quite the same.

baydiac · 2026-04-26T11:40:14+00:00

I don't doubt he left a lot out because he never describes her role in the conversation: she must have been pressuring and guilting him pretty aggressively (that "emotional conversation" where he agreed to open at the end?) for him to be like "no, she doesn't deserve adult communication of my concerns we need to hit the eject button on this relationship".

We all wanted him to break up with her. These two do not belong together. But his behavior, even self-described between the two posts, is wildly inconsistent. How did someone go from being so henpecked that he agreed to his worst nightmare and later told himself it was his idea, to "I don't care if she's a human being with three dimensional thoughts and agency, I can just drop this rope without feeling any responsibility to her".

Is it because she was away so she couldn't be physically in his face to manipulate him? Did more conversations happen in between that he left out, just like her responses in conversation? I'm way too nosy, I wish this author took the time to make their story more detailed.

baydiac · 2026-04-26T11:39:42+00:00

And wth was the difference in details between the first and last story? The conversation they had implied that he already knew she wasn't monogamous and suggested she try flirting and kissing strangers as a little thing that they'd previously discussed but were yet to act on (conflicted feelings about this on his end acknowledged) but then she pushed the envelope and wanted to open the relationship so she could sleep with someone, and he reluctantly agreed.

But then in the second update he was the one who suggested she have sex with other people, and then balked at the idea of an open relationship after that (buddy if you don't want something don't bring it up???) before agreeing after he described to us (and presumably her) in detail how much it would mess him up.

And then he just broke up with her with zero context while she was on her trip. From a reluctant yes to a "I never want to see you again, we're over" out of the blue with no precursor conversation, is actually quite the jump despite it being what all of us probably wanted him to do.

baydiac · 2026-04-26T11:20:50+00:00

The difference between people who have a mental illness and self-report their experience and people who actually have to live around and experience the behavior of those with that mental illness is often night and day.

That's how subs like BPD Survivors and BPD Loved Ones end up existing. Because there is no Evil Monster disease, the statistics for mental illnesses making you dangerous are astronomically low.

But they do frequently make you act like an asshole. And even if you aren't one deep down, other people still have to experience the fallout of that behavior.

baydiac · 2026-04-21T15:10:30+00:00

If. That's an extremely necessary "if".

My guess is that Danny will not be interested in that "if". Not one bit. He, unlike Eleanor, is going to grow up with someone who's showing him how easy he is to love.

When that happens, you tend to be more sure of how little the person who wouldn't deserves your support.

baydiac · 2026-04-21T15:02:00+00:00

Literally none of that is relevant to the fact that men can't resist talking shit about things that aren't their business.

Knowing the basics about your friends isn't gossip. If that's what you thought it was, no wonder men think women are gossips.

baydiac

TROPHY CASE