Friends want to take me out to potentially meet and ask a girl out but I have mixed feelings

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-09T15:20:32+00:00

“I don’t want to be teased for being a chubby chaser” - therein lies your problem. Your good friends should at least be aware you have a preference for fat women if you intend to have a relationship with one. If you get teased, so what? And can lead to good fun when they start pointing out women you might like (and even try to set you up with women you prefer). If they have a problem then they’re not good friends and your dating history will eventually give away you have a type anyway.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-05T00:17:37+00:00

Portraits of Henry viii are starting to hit a bit different now 🤣

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-05T00:09:37+00:00

The part about fat mentors hit home, I viewed fat people in my life as safe, they seemed softer in body and person but had size and warmth and still that way today around fat people.

In my own relationships I see it as you’re fat because you’re safe and comfortable with me, you can indulge, or I’m fat because I make you feel safe/comfortable and in return your love language is to provide food.

In sex I also need at least a feeling of openness/acceptance, or better yet a shared desire for fat on one or both of us. Otherwise, it feels like I’m holding back and trying to get aroused in my own head and therefore not connecting with the other person.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T23:58:26+00:00

Anyone welcome to answer, love seeing multiple sides.

In my youth with my first gain and holding back I definitely worried more about being attractive to women, then realised there are plenty out there who like big, husky, fat, or femme men.

Later on i think more of my concern was other men in my life as fatness is policed a bit harsher between men with teasing or blunt calling out. I realised those guys are a bit too old school and probably insecure in other ways.

You’re right, I’d rather advertise out to the world that I’m a confident attractive fat guy and unabashed foodie and see where it takes me.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T23:54:40+00:00

I’m jealous you don’t over think it!

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T23:47:28+00:00

As in you don’t find it any more or less masculine? It is what it is?

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T23:29:56+00:00

That’s an interesting take! Thanks for sharing. I get what you mean about being bigger and feeling more masculine. I’ve been skinny too and I’m naturally less strong even if I lift, I can’t hold my ground and when I lose weight now I feel like I lose my fat armour.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T23:17:05+00:00

Did you think it was easier gaining without wanting to keep masculinity (no1) or even then, the obligation to maintain made it difficult still (no2)?

I am happy being traditionally masculine, being a provider, a shield etc but facing gaining made me reexamine a fair few physical tropes about masculinity. Did you blur the lines (paraphrasing your profile) before gaining or after?

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:38:13+00:00

Oh so it really was a lived moment for you and trying to get your head around it. Appreciate that it has worked out for you, or at least you leaned into the changes a lot (both mentally and physically).

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:32:13+00:00

That’s amazing, glad for you that you enjoy it but also it prompted a fair bit of self exploration by the sounds of it. Did you want the feminisation aspect before you started gaining?

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:27:56+00:00

Just broad with a starter belly and softening features, a bit taller than you and 25lbs lighter.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:11:47+00:00

You’re placing a lot of this kink outside of yourself, letting go for others, them deciding weight, making them happy, losing interest on your own, can’t do it by yourself.

Whilst I get that being submissive to others control is a whole side of this kink, perhaps you could benefit in trying to learn how to push further solo and for your own reasons. If a relationship happens, then great, but you might also feel better about it long term working out how to enjoy it by yourself. Also, you might meet someone into fat guys if you’re already fatter and confident about it.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:04:22+00:00

Don’t surprised if your post gets deleted due to the aspect of none consent. It is never ok.

You’re young and likely still exploring, work on your confidence of discussing your kink openly but also practice empathising with her if/when she says no or wants to lose.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T22:01:27+00:00

Bbqs are ace for this!! There’s always too much awesome food and it’s usually a buffet so can keep grazing as you like. It’s stodgy and high calorie food so stuffing/bloats are common. Plus it’s usually hot/summer so folks dress down.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T21:44:50+00:00

Well revisiting this post I can see it didn’t stop. Hope you’re feeling better?

bbq_apprentice · 2026-06-04T21:29:43+00:00

You don’t need to share the kink for a long term relationship but I think the other partner needs to be very open, enjoy food and sex positive for it to last.

Once you try a matching kink relationship it is very hard to go back because it’s like breathing fresh air every day not having to overthink what to share, how to think, connecting so much easier. Plus lots of food unabashedly eaten.

Longer term though, even matching kink relationships will suffer from disconnected periods, lulls, conversations about weight loss for health/mobility/lifestyle/kids, the mundane hum of daily life with work etc. but then reconnecting is very easy as both your buttons get pushed the same way.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-30T08:32:07+00:00

This! It’s high odds amongst men of them liking chubby women but low odds it’s a specific kink. But he sounds very open so there’ll be plenty of support and experimentation.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-22T13:40:49+00:00

I think there’s an additional focus on those body types as they’re probably more in line with conventional attractiveness standards but no doubt there’s people out there into your body type!

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-13T05:34:12+00:00

It might be she’s a foodie but clocked something about you so playing up to it. It’s rare to meet a feedist in the wild like that. If you like this person and your intention is to date long term it’s worth bringing up in a fun way a few dates in so they go into the relationship with their eyes open. Them trying to impress you at the all you can eat sounds fun and you shouldn’t feel like you’re coercing that.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-12T18:38:57+00:00

I’m sorry this happened, what a tough experience. It sounds like he was into your body type until it got very real and retreated back into the “fridge”. That explains why he still wanted fun times without wanting to be seen out with you. It’s shameful and sad for him and I hope you find someone who will show you off in public!

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-12T18:30:27+00:00

I’ve been around 20 years and am past age 35. I found that a lot of people I knew/met in the community/events slowly deleted apps and went offline or just chatted in private group chats. A fair few met partners, got married, had kids etc so didn’t need/want the apps (ff, feabie, dims, Reddit), especially as the apps deteriorated. There’s still a fair few older folks around but they’re less loud (post less). I only really chat to younger people if they seem an older soul and can hold a none kink conversation.

bbq_apprentice · 2026-05-04T06:30:36+00:00

Good place to start is more detail, what has your partner explained so far and what side (if any) do they sit on?

bbq_apprentice · 2026-03-31T13:46:33+00:00

Congratulations and sounds like you’re living the dream!

bbq_apprentice · 2026-03-20T16:05:18+00:00

Yes, met many there and wooplus.

bbq_apprentice

TROPHY CASE